Hyphen magazine - Asian American arts, culture, and politics


Drive

Photo Courtesy of Elizabeth Shin

 

At sixteen I had my first real brush with mortality. At ten miles an hour on a quiet Pasadena street, I made an unprotected left turn and t-boned a Taurus. “HOW COULD YOU LET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE,” my uncles screamed to my mother. But even after that, plus a ticket for obstructing traffic in Arcadia, a $250 speeding ticket while rushing to a $3 movie theater in Simi Valley, a $350 tow while buying a $2 hot dog on La Brea, hitting lots of poles in parking lots, and a mailbox incident that’s still a bit fuzzy, I still love to drive.

I’ve learned over the years that driving can be frustrating even when you actually know how to do it well. But I reject the premise that it is a utilitarian exercise in isolation, because of how profoundly important it has been in forging my relationship with the world around me.

True, driving doesn't have the same kind of physical intimacy as standing cheek to cheek, or in my case cheek to armpit, with someone on a crowded metro. But that intimacy is oftentimes superficial, because most days it feels like everyone’s isolated in a sticky little cocoon that only cracks open when you notice the guy next to you trying to put his hand in your pants pocket.

On the other hand, there’s an unspoken language between drivers in Los Angeles because we need each other in order to get home at the end of the day. I love the “go ahead” wave, the violent hand gestures when you’re mad, and the camaraderie of the “can you believe this guy?” look you share with the driver next to you when a homicidal maniac cuts you both off. And I even love that homicidal maniac from time to time, because at least he’s more deliberate than the guy on the metro who stands, instead of walks, on the left side of the escalator.

Never, ever, do that.

Then there are the romantic elements, the satisfaction of wanderlust that comes from driving through the city for no particular reason. The thrill of getting lost by myself and discovering a new place, and the comfort that I feel when that place becomes familiar. I ran out of gas. I asked really strange people for directions. I got a flat tire in the middle of the night in East Los Angeles and a group of people in front of a food truck helped me put on a spare. I had the opportunity to interact with the world on my own terms.

And then the year I turned seventeen I spent the summer in India. I flew by myself, and stayed with an aunt. But my summer of adventure and exploration quickly took a nose dive when it became clear that I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere or do anything on my own, and my relatives weren’t really inclined to take me outside. At the time I thought it was a nefarious plot, instead of a justifiable effort to keep me safe. I was in a vibrant country where men and women ride motorcycles, cars, buses, and auto rickshaws everywhere, and I didn’t understand why I was under house arrest. I wasn't in a city where young women were kept indoors, but my family was keeping me indoors in part, becuase I was a young woman.

I don't resent my relatives now because had I ventured out on my own I probably would have been run over by a scooter. But at the time, my sheer dependence on them for everything from food to entertainment led to a sense of isolation that was completely paralytic. At first I wrote angst-filled Xanga entries describing white walls and boredom, but after a while I just slept as much as possible. I didn’t have access to any forms of communication because I couldn’t go to a phone booth. I read books faster than I was released in to the wild to buy them, and then went through an insufferable Ayn Rand phase screaming "INDIVIDUALISM!" to myself while I paced around the bedroom. And what few times I did venture out with someone the city were elusive, a series of polaroids that never fully developed. I was being led instead of being allowed to wander.

Granted, the shock of my house arrest wasn't so much about my lack of access to a car, as it was about my complete lack of mobility. But the experience taught me that mobility is not just about the practicality of being able to choose where I go, what I eat, and whom I interact with. It's about putting myself in a position where adventure has the possibility to unfold. Because in a car, I always have the option to just go, without really worrying about where. I’ve found that sense of independence to be vitally important, because for me, getting lost over and over again is the only way that anything can be found.

 

3 comments

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Anonymous wrote 3 years 1 day ago

nuh uh

I am a west-coaster now and I too like to drive, but I think mobility is a concept that transcends automobiles... I like using the subway, metro, buses or footpaths to find mobility. "when in Rome" I start to say...
I also do not believe that house arrest can be mixed with the concept of mobility. Although they may intersect at age 17, house arrest is a means to attain peace of mind.. whether it be for punitive reasons or in the name of security, and mobility is mobility.
I agree that one meets others on their own terms, but the same samaritan souls you found in front of the food truck may have helped you pick up armfuls of boxes that you were carrying while struggling to balance on the escalator at Grand Central Station... just their faces would have been different.

LTE wrote 3 years 2 days ago

See the USA in your Chevrolet

Now that you mastered the streets of Los Angeles, how about a nice little drive to New York City?

Padma wrote 3 years 2 days ago

Thats a good one Priyanka,

Thats a good one Priyanka, but you know what, THOSE ARE SOME BIG TICKETS girl!! who paid them huh?!! (You owe me big time when you become that BIG famous writer!!)
LOOOOOOOOOOOVE
mamma

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About The Author

Priyanka Mantha

Born in Aurora, Colorado, Priyanka Mantha grew weary of the fresh mountain air at the tender age of two and a half, when she urged her family to pack their bags and head for smoggy Los Angeles, California. Today, Priyanka lives in Washington D.C. where she continues to pursue her passion for social justice, writing, and theatre. In the near future, she hopes to commit small acts of mayhem. Immediate projects include releasing lawn gnomes back to their natural habitat. Applications for potential co-conspirators are being accepted on a rolling basis.

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