It's been a rough year. Belittled by Simon Cowell, not qualified as a "celebrity" for Dancing with the Stars and missing the height requirement for America's Next Top Model, you've hit a reality television low. Who needs network television when you can concoct your own Amazing Race? Erwin and Godwin Cho, brothers featured in The Amazing Race 10, offer their itinerary.

WHAT YOU NEED

• A healthy dose of Schadenfreude and/or no sense of shame
• A willing partner
• A pair of formidable opponents
• A clue giver/maniacally happy host
• A grand prize of no actual value

OPTIONAL

Cameraman (because being on YouTube is almost like being on real TV)

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

Roadblock: a task only one team-member can attempt before obtaining the clue to their next location.

Detour: a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. Teams must successfully complete one of the tasks described on the clue in order to receive their next clue.

READY, SET, GO

Start in New York and go east across the United States.

NEW YORK

Roadblock: Take the subway to Coney Island. Find your plate of Nathan's hot dogs and beat Kobayashi's record of 53 3/4 frankfurters. Don't worry: you don't have to do it in 12 minutes. You just have to do it. Detour: "Curry or Chen." Make your way to the NBC Today Show or CBS Early Show. Once there, convince either Ann Curry or Julie Chen to say "I love you, too." "Olive you, too" will result in a time penalty.

CLEVELAND

Roadblock: Rock on over to the I.M. Pei-designed Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Plug in your imaginary amp and perform one hardcore air guitar solo that would make Air Guitar World Champions MiRi "Sonyk-Rok" Park and David "C-Diddy" Jung bow at your feet.

CHICAGO

Detour: "Lick It or Stick It." Depending on the season, take some time out in the Windy City to see what their local flagpoles have to offer. Head on over to Millennium Park, seek out that tasty polesicle and give it a big wet French kiss. Roadblock: Start a Bhangra block party on Devon Avenue. You must gather a crowd of at least 50 willing people to get down for at least 15 minutes to the beat (actual rhythm not necessary) to obtain your clue.

BATON ROUGE

Roadblock: Challenge USA Jump Rope All Stars Adam and Andrew Pang to a skipping race across the Huey P. Long Bridge using a jump rope made entirely of candy strung with dental floss.

DALLAS

Detour: "Live Large. Think Big." Taking the city of Dallas' slogan as your cue, seek out former Cowboys linebacker Dat Nguyen and challenge him to a match of "the other football" (soccer). If the life of the mind is more your thing, get thee to Bangla Schoolthere are three in the Dallas area. Bonus time is awarded if you can translate "ltsy Bitsy Spider" into Bengali and teach it to your classmates for a recital.

LOS ANGELES

Roadblock: Carry an open 60-ounce container of kim chee from Man Nam Korean Market and travel by Metro to MacArthur Park for your next clue. Caution: Kim chee may be considered a biological WMD (weapon of mass displeasure or deliciousness depending on your provenance). Detour: "Shrink It or Swell It." In superficial L.A., it's all about going big or small. Find a Dr. 90210 and have some part of your body downsized or supersized.

SAN FRANCISCO

Roadblock: Make your way to AsiaSF. Once there, find the bornfemale waitress. Claim your prize of little to no value and take that victory dance lap around the bar. You've earned it!

Erwin and Godwin Cho were top contenders in the Amazing Race 10. They now run A Little Karma, which channels profits from sales of emerging artists' work into random acts of kindness. Find out more at www.alittlekarma.com.