As an attractive African-American woman (Masters degree, both parents, conservative family, professional), ever since high school I've been sincerely attracted to SE Asian men, East Indian men particularly. But I think negative media portrayals of African-Americans do us a grave disservice and make other minorities hestitant to seriously pursue us.

i'm a indian guy and i have to say nothing wrong with likeing bollywood or crushing or anything like that...like i looove christina millian and my friends know and hoenstly race never came up nor did anyof them think i had a latin fetish... the uni i used to go to was almost 75% asian(i say oriental just casue i'm asian to :P) and i hanged around only asian ppl and non of them thought i had a asian fetish eitheror i just didn't understand them when they would alasudden start speaking a different language giving me funny looks haha but it was all in good fun.and now i'm at a diferent school of mainly white ppl and again it don't matter what race any of us are attracted to i never seem to get labeled and niether do they....maybe its casue we all equally make fun of your selves and others making light of our differences.there will always be thos ppl that will make a big deal over somthing littleso crush away!!! and if you like a indian guy for get about the indian part you just like the guy. and nothing wrong with that.Bhupesh

CRUSH AWAY! I'm all for Affirmative Dating Action. Er - Affirmative Action Dating. Being South Asian, that is.And I think it's more than just "who you grew up around", I think it has a lot to do with who you perceive as societally acceptable, powerful, etc.

I generally agree with the sentiment expressed above by claire. By and large, white and other non-Indian American women in this country grow up without exposure to Indian American men. Since the media has created an environment in which nearly all portrayals of Asian American males are limited to those involving scientists, engineers, geniuses, doctors, and martial arts experts, the average non-Indian American woman has not had a great deal of contact with Indian American guys. In this sense, I think Asian American men have suffered from the hyperfeminization of Asian American women (on the flip side, African American women have been forced to contend with the repercussions of the hypermasculinization of African American women). Thoughts?

I guess I still have a question (or two) - Claire's post seems to be predicated upon a 'life experience' or environment that featured exclusively white men. Now I'm reasonably sure that "exclusive" is not the real deal. I hope not, or then I'm really worried. But if Latinos are 14% and African Americans are 14%, then you get 28% non-white without including Asians. So where or what was your 'world' like where you did not see any 'reasonable' number of non-whites? Especially in the media.My observation is that the general depiction of Asian men is either the stoic 'man of honor' who would never sully his noble soul with unbridled lust, some maniacal madman trying to rule the world or a hapless geek of some stripe who is always saying 'yes boss' and never straightening his back up and saying 'enough of this crap!' (sort of Akira and Ajit as the Amos and Andy of today).Given AJ's characterizations (doctor, engineer, genius, scientist, etc.), Asians are doing a damn sight better than most other brown men who are depicted as rap stars, thugs, poor, misogynist, ballers or somebody trying to be one of the above. As for Indian men, except for the Simpsons, they don't exist much at all in the major (free) media world - although there is the crime lab guy on Chasing Jordan (or whatever its called).So if Indian men are 'invisible' and other Asian men are shown as not able to 'provide' emotionally\romantically\sexually for their women - who are hyper-sexy - then is it left to white men to provide for them?Is this the basis of the Asian woman's (alleged) 'blindspot'? She can't 'see' Indian men because she doesn't know what they look like, she can't 'see' Asian men because there is nothing to see and she can't 'see herself' with black\latino men because no one could see the sense of that?AJ, do you mean that African American WOMEN suffer due to the hypermasculinization of African American MEN?? It seems to me that African American men (and Latinos to an extent) are depicted as 'hyper-males' but in an uncontrolled, animalistic sort of way - testosterone run amok. Maybe AA women are shown as 'superhard' because they are the only ones who can 'fight' them...but the men still 'lust' after white women who can tame them. King Kong and Fay Wray all over again.Maybe this explains the embracing of 'urban-hood aesthetic' by Asian males - overcome feminization by grabbing on to the 'hypermale'.I think that Indian women are sort of portrayed (rarely, but..) as almost 'prissy' or cloistered - neither the 'sex kitten' nor 'compliant geisha' depiction of other Asian women.Now, this is getting long, but on my trips to Asia on Asian air carriers, the movies I saw did not portray African Americans in a very positive light, if any light at all. Whites were mixed. Not watching much Bollywood (don't like musicals), I can't speak to what that outlet presents of 'others'.In short (hah!), there often seems to be a mote in everyone's eye which permits them x-ray vision of negative or bland portrayals of their group and blinds them to their own mis- or non-treatment of others.Any thoughts?

I do agree with Claire--I think you're extrapolating from the fact that our country is 13-14% Latino, 13-14% African American and 5% Asian American that these minority groups will have a somewhat analogous representation in the media and in those areas in which white women develop their conception of attractiveness. I don't think this is the case. Indian Americans are concentrated in just a few geographical areas (primarily California, NY/NJ and parts of TX). If you take out these regions, you're left with significantly less than half of the Indian American population. So what ends up happening is that, in the other 47 states women grow up without any meaningful exposure to Indian American men (as well as Asian American men). Since attitudes about beauty and attractiveness are largely formed during one's youth, it doesn't matter that many of these non-Indian American women will eventually come across a large number of Indian American guys in the tech sector, VC, banking, consulting, medicine, or even law--by that time, they will have already developed preferences for specific racial groups or, at the very least, for cultural attributes that Indian Americans don't possess."Given AJ's characterizations (doctor, engineer, genius, scientist, etc.), Asians are doing a damn sight better than most other brown men who are depicted as rap stars, thugs, poor, misogynist, ballers or somebody trying to be one of the above. As for Indian men, except for the Simpsons, they don't exist much at all in the major (free) media world - although there is the crime lab guy on Chasing Jordan (or whatever its called).So if Indian men are 'invisible' and other Asian men are shown as not able to 'provide' emotionally\romantically\sexually for their women - who are hyper-sexy - then is it left to white men to provide for them?"I think that you have perhaps unwittingly hit on exactly what my point is. It's true that Indian American men are portrayed in an abnormally positive light with respect to careers, academics, etc. But what is important for the purposes of any discussion revolving around non-Indian American female attraction to Indian American guys is to what extent they are portrayed as desirable. Now we could have a long debate as to what is "desirable" but I do believe that in terms of characterizations of Asian and Indian American men in the media, they all lack what you describe as the emotional/sexual prowess. That is a MAJOR deficiency. While women would love to have a doctor, engineer or lawyer husband/long-term boyfriend, they also want guys who have "game."As for the hypermasculinization of African American males, I meant to say that black men are very much in demand by white women while black women are not in demand by white men. On the flip side, Asian American women are very much in demand by white men but Asian American men are not in demand by white women. So the two populations that really get screwed are Asian American men and African American women."Now, this is getting long, but on my trips to Asia on Asian air carriers, the movies I saw did not portray African Americans in a very positive light, if any light at all. Whites were mixed. Not watching much Bollywood (don't like musicals), I can't speak to what that outlet presents of 'others'."I can't really speak for what media portrayals of African American men are like in Asia, but I definitely think that the media has played a significant role in increasing the "demand" of African American men by white women in this country. This is more difficult to explain than the white male asian fetish model, but I think that it once again comes down to a portrayal of a specific group as the one that epitomizes the highly valued aspects of femininity or masculinity.In short (hah!), there often seems to be a mote in everyone's eye which permits them x-ray vision of negative or bland portrayals of their group and blinds them to their own mis- or non-treatment of others.Any thoughts?

A.J. - on the underrepresentation of Indian men in USA media - i would certainly agree and would say that it is similar (but not quite as bad) for Asian men in general. so we are in sync there.as to the definition of 'desireable' - it is varied, but typically, a good income and career stability are seen as positive attributes when considered over the 'long haul' - i.e. marriage. it might not be 'sexy' or exciting, but it is preferred to a life of un- or under-employment, jail or other ill fates.i don't agree that white women are finding african american men particularly attractive. some of the media depictions show it as a 'lust for danger' or rebellion, but it is typically short-lived. rarely shown as a long term thing and most often not with any sort of stability. if it is, it is typically with an african or caribbean man - not african american.i think that the media in general has painted the african american man as a bad bet; destined for doom. there is a fleeting acknowledgement of the social conditions that have created this scenario, but the general tone is 'pity him, but don't marry him or hire him'. as i mentioned previously, while african american men are shown as 'hypermales' it is usually without the intellectual prowess that would make him complete. he is one-dimensional - a man that is out of control. asian men are often portrayed one-dimensionally as well - but from the other pole - intellectually 'with it' , but soulless or 'game-less'. if you look at the intermarraige numbers, the percentage of asian women that marry white men is much, much higher than the percentage of white women that marry black men. i'm not talking aggregate numbers, but percentages of each respective population.this does hit asian men and african american women hard (hey Hypen - there's a speed dating market for ya'!) but for the women i think that one of the primary problems is the extent to which african american men are 'taken out of the game' by unemployment, poor education, unequal criminal sentencing and other 'sniper attacks' which render them non-options.i understand your point about the initial 'programming' which makes indian\asian men 'unattractive' to white women, but my question was more why would asian men be 'unatttractive' to asian women? i suspect that most asian women in USA have seen asian men regularly. most live in major population areas including the ones you mentioned, so they have seen black, and latino men too. (you can't go 100 feet without bumping into a white man, so i left them out) so the strong 'affinity' towards white men still baffles me.as for asian media portrayals of non-asian men, what is the general perception or portrayal of black or latino men in your community compared to white men? there seems to be a marked difference between the USA and the UK for example.by the by, can you take a stab at the white guy/asian girl fetish?? oh, and i don't think my 'point-hitting' is done unwittingly. ;-)

"as to the definition of 'desireable' - it is varied, but typically, a good income and career stability are seen as positive attributes when considered over the 'long haul' - i.e. marriage. it might not be 'sexy' or exciting, but it is preferred to a life of un- or under-employment, jail or other ill fates."I definitely agree with the point you're making here but this is largely related to marriage and not relationships or hooking up, etc. In addition, I think you're assuming that career prospects and wealth, etc. are going to be very significant factors with all women, when I'm not so sure that this is the case. Another important point is that white women can certainly find white men who possess these characteristics and background--Indian American men vis-a-vis white men with such a background are only a drop in the bucket. So at that point it becomes a scenario in which a white woman can choose a successful white man or a successful Indian American man with whose race she doesn't have much familiarity (or isn't particularly attracted to, once again, largely because of media influence)."i don't agree that white women are finding african american men particularly attractive. some of the media depictions show it as a 'lust for danger' or rebellion, but it is typically short-lived. rarely shown as a long term thing and most often not with any sort of stability. if it is, it is typically with an african or caribbean man - not african american. i think that the media in general has painted the african american man as a bad bet; destined for doom. there is a fleeting acknowledgement of the social conditions that have created this scenario, but the general tone is 'pity him, but don't marry him or hire him'. as i mentioned previously, while african american men are shown as 'hypermales' it is usually without the intellectual prowess that would make him complete. he is one-dimensional - a man that is out of control. asian men are often portrayed one-dimensionally as well - but from the other pole - intellectually 'with it' , but soulless or 'game-less'. if you look at the intermarraige numbers, the percentage of asian women that marry white men is much, much higher than the percentage of white women that marry black men. i'm not talking aggregate numbers, but percentages of each respective population."I think you made a mistake by comparing the Asian American female outmarriage rate to the white female outmarriage rate. What would make more sense is comparing the former figure to the black male outmarriage rate. I googled the info and couldn't find much info on black male outmarriage rates but my guess is that the % is comparable to the % of Asian American women who outmarry."this does hit asian men and african american women hard (hey Hypen - there's a speed dating market for ya'!) but for the women i think that one of the primary problems is the extent to which african american men are 'taken out of the game' by unemployment, poor education, unequal criminal sentencing and other 'sniper attacks' which render them non-options."You're definitely right about this, and this is a particular reason why African American women are angry about the desirability of African American men. There is a sense that the eligible bachelors are being "stolen" away by non-black women (in particular white women)."so the strong 'affinity' towards white men still baffles me."I agree that Asian American women are not necessarily against dating Asian American men, but I think that what makes many of them date white men is that the white guys represent a status bump in the hierarchical dating structure. Put quite simply, a white guy is a trophy for an Asian American female. I definitely believe that societal values also dictate that the same applies to Asian American men and white women. But it's "easier" for Asian American women to date white men because (1) men are traditionally expected to be more aggressive and white men are generally socialized in ways more conducive to this kind of dating mentality than Asian American men are and (2) white men are generally more attracted to asian american women than white women are to asian american men. So from this perspective, it's not so much that Asian American women aren't attracted to Asian American guys, it's more that white men represent a status boost, pursue them more aggressively and (once again) have "game.""as for asian media portrayals of non-asian men, what is the general perception or portrayal of black or latino men in your community compared to white men? there seems to be a marked difference between the USA and the UK for example."I have lived in the U.S. for my entire life and the majority of that time has been spent in California. I would definitely say that African American men have received pretty good treatment (at least with respect to sexual prowess and attractiveness as well as romantic roles) out in L.A. and elsewhere in California. I don't know too much about the UK, so I'm curious to know what it's like there. Also, a REALLY interesting case of racial dynamics, differential in perceived attractiveness on the basis of race and immigration patterns can be found in either Singapore or Kuala Lumpur. It's so fascinating to visit either of these places as an Indian American male because you quickly realize that since Indians comprise a significant proportion of the population (around 8% in Singapore compared to .6% in the U.S.) and since they have been in the country for over 150 years, the different racial groups in the country have an interesting relationship with one another. Interracial dating is very common and it seems as though Asian girls date Indian guys with a high degree of frequency. In addition, being from America adds some prestige or status to what an Indian American brings to the dating "table" there, and so often Indian American guys are perceived as extremely desirable by the Chinese and Malay women. I'd love to talk to you more about this and other stuff. Do you live in the UK? And are you an Asian American or Indian American guy/girl?"by the by, can you take a stab at the white guy/asian girl fetish?? oh, and i don't think my 'point-hitting' is done unwittingly. ;-)"I think the white guy/asian girl fetish has its roots in conflicts like the Vietnam and Korean wars, as it seems as though a lot of media portray these battles as attempts to liberate beautiful, petite women from their evil and sinister men. Movies like The World of Suzie Wong and others confirm this kind of mentality. I think in the present day it has a lot more to do with the fact that it's quite easy for a gameless white guy to date an asian american girl because she'll go for him merely because of the status bump. There is no way many of these white guys could get white women equally as attractive. It also works the other way around. I had a semi-attractive white female friend who once told me that she went for Latino, Black and Indian American guys mostly because she knew that as a white woman she was a hot commodity and that she could get a more desirable minority man. Kinda scary, but very, very true. I didn't know whether to admire her for being so strategic and figuring all of this out or to be offended by the implications of her attitude.

So, good, we agree on most points...financial or career success is a good 'selling point' for marriage and the like (LTRs) which is the only thing that really matters in evaluating a shift in social dymanics. A weekend of 'lust and lube' doesn't really mean much - either party could be viewing the other as a 'nice diversion' - an object. No single factor is the deciding issue for ALL of any group. My post wasn't based on 'ALWAYS' or 'NEVER' conditions. White women can indeed (and most often do) find white men to marry. The reasons are numerous, but I am sure that fear and/or lack of familiarity with the 'other' is a part of it. Plus most of the 'others' get bad press on some aspect of their 'character' or another.On the out-marriage thing, since your contention was that white women are finding african american men attractive, i think the percentage of white women marrying 'non-whites' is key. if the base premise - white women don't want asian men - is true, then their (white women) 'out' option is pretty much black or (non-white) latino men. spaniards don't count. the 'out marriage' rate of black men would be skewed by the inclusion of ALL 'non-black' spouses of black men - white, latino and the odd asian (which is one of my 'observations'). i don't think the rate of white women marrying black men is anywhere near as high as the rate of asian women marrying white men. the percentage of black men marrying 'out' is higher than black women and certainly higher than white women, but i don't think it is as high as asian women. i don't think you should go by who or what you see in the 'dating' context, but by the marriage rates. i recall some older numbers saying that approximately 30% of asians marry 'out' and that the majority are asian women\white men marriages. now, it might be more useful to use real numbers since whites make up the majority of the population.making the math simple with 'roundoff' numbers - assume 300 million people and 70% white (= 210 mil) and 1/2 women (= 105 mil) and given 15% black (= 45 mil) and 1/2 male (= 22.5 mil) even if EVERY black man married a white woman, they could only marry 22.5 mil/105 mil of the 'available' women or ~20% of the total number of white women. since asians are an even smaller percentage, then a comparatively 'small' number of white men could marry a large 'percentage' of available asian women.my advice to asian men and black women is this : START DATING EACH OTHER TODAY!!!now on the angry black woman thing, i think it is partially driven by media and their tendency to highlight the 'non-black' wife of any prominent black male, whereas they don't highlight the black wife of any prominant black male - which is still the overwhelming majority of the pairings. part of the that is the 'the big buck stealing the virgin' story. I REPEAT - START DATING TODAY!!!!!!its just like the crazy theory that affirmative action will 'unemploy' all white men. the math above for marriage shows that even if EVERY non-white male got a job TODAY they could only take about 35% of the jobs available to white men. there simply aren't enough brown guys to go around. the biggest 'benefactors' of affrimative action have been white women. but i digress..."so the strong 'affinity' towards white men still baffles me."well, unless asian women are simply 'trading up' against their 'romantic desires' (it is a business deal, nothing more - which sounds pretty bad - talk about your gold digging!) i am still confused. why don't black women 'trade up' too? why do white guys 'want' asian women and not black women (statistics show they do like latinas!) are you saying that white guys are simply knocking asian guys out of the box because they know how to 'play the game'? that kind of leans towards an admission that the 'no game' stereotype for asian guys is true. but since there are 2 asian countries with 1 billion+ people (and no white ones), the men obviously 'got game' - and asian women have 'season tickets at courtside'.on the 'community viewpoint' tip - i'm in the US too - but have travelled a lot (including Sing) - that said, there is still a 'community' and those communities have 'conversations' and conventions of belief about other groups. there has been a bit of a 'rift' between the asian (including SE) and black communities for a while, even as 'rap culture' moves across communities without hesitation. (love the game not the player)"...African American men have received pretty good treatment (at least with respect to sexual prowess and attractiveness as well as romantic roles)..."I don't know about that. Ever watch 'Cops'? the eveing news? i agree on the 'sexual prowess' thing - that is a belief that goes way back. i think it ties into the 'animal' thing; 'Birth of a Nation' and all... but more black men have been killed because of that same 'hype' than we should have to remember (lynchings very often included castration)I would agree that Sing is an interesting place, but there the malay fill the 'role' of the blacks and the chinese fill the role of the whites and the indians are the 'model minority'. (damn! differnet country, same spot!) Same is true in KL, but the chinese are a dominant ethnic minority - smaller numbers but in charge of what counts, and the line between malay,tamil, indian and other subgroups is harder to define.i think your status as an american greatly skews how you are perceived so you might want to 'discount' that somewhat. 'american-hood' trumphs ethnicity unless you are going to the 'homeland', the it gets funky.an observation (which creates questions...) you wrote:"...since Indians comprise a significant proportion of the population (around 8% in Singapore compared to .6% in the U.S.) and since they have been in the country for over 150 years, the different racial groups in the country have an interesting relationship with one another. Interracial dating is very common and it seems as though Asian girls date Indian guys with a high degree of frequency."the same 'history' could be said of blacks and puerto ricans in the USA, but the result is not the same. could it be that the commonality of 'continent' helps? the circumstances of the indian population's presence in Sing? maybe the 'kama sutra' thing is good marketing :-)things that make you go 'hmmmm'?i wouldn't attribute the white guy/asian girl thing to the Korean or Vietnam war, but more to the geisha fantasy and the idea of a demure, submissive woman (obviously NOT koreans!) Suzie Wong didn't help either. as for those 'gameless' white guys - YES!! what is UP with that??? a beautiful girl walking around with some ancient, Icabod Crane looking, pot-bellied, no-dough having, pockmarked faced 'Blutto' with a flag tattooed on his arm!!! can 'whereever' be that bad??? if so, then we have a much bigger problem.I guess your friend is 'using what she's got' to get what she wants - shake it, but don't break it. not exactly a good theme for her resume. shame that love and romance have become 'strategic'.

A.J., I found something for you. try this website: http://www.jointcenter.org/DB/printer/marital.htm

You are not alone....I am an African American woman and I love Bollywood movies (except Khushi and Out of Control...check out why). I also have a slight case of "Yellow fever", because living in New York provides lots of eye candy. I receive lots of stares from South Asian men and a few decent propositions, but I feel aprehensive about acting upon them since the amount of South Asian men who marry black women is pretty small :(

South Asians in the UK get a lot more media attention in the UK than they do in the USA, where they are virtually invisible. But on the other hand, East Asians are virtually invisible in the UK media. But it's true that there is still some racial prejudice against South Asians in the UK, particularly directed towards the guys in regards to "Paki" gangsters or Islamic terrorism.

Ingrid if you feel that way you should visit the Asian countires, its a differnt perspective from America

word to ananymous. I'm Sri Lankan and only 5 people in my French class of heard of M.I.A.

Into fit asians? Have you checked out Jay Sean, Raghav, or the1shanti?

Christine, your point would be...?Also, to Anonymous, I think that the Americans definitely have heard of Indians and Pakistanis and Sri Lankans, but they just haven't heard them referred to as 'South Asians'. America's historical concept of 'South Asia' is probably more closely linked to SE Asia via Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos - from the war experience.

In america when they say asian guys they refer to chinese, japanese etc. they dnt refer to south asians. with south asians they mostly marry within their own culture. south asian guys in uk play around with white girls but still end up marrying asian girls. i havent seen many south asian girlss marrying white, black or any other. South asians stay withing their own cuz of cultural pressure and bollywood protaying asian guys in a positive light. chinese and south asians are very different.

I've got some questions that I was wondering if they could be answed.1) Is the South Asian population very small in the USA compared to the UK?2)Are South Asians new immigrants in the USA?3)Do South Asians with the exception of Asian Indians experience stares in the USA compared to other ethnic groups?4)Are South Asians more established in the UK than America?5)Is there more prejudice towards them in the UK than America?I would like to know people's views.

If you have a crush on just Shahrukh Khan, then you're just crushing on him. It's not like you're crushing on any and all South Asians. I'm also excited about Bride and Prejudice, but maybe in a dorky English major I-like-Jane-Austen-books kind of way. And because I really enjoyed Bend It Like Beckham. When does it come out?

In america when they say asian guys they refer to chinese, japanese etc. they dnt refer to south asians. with south asians they mostly marry within their own culture. south asian guys in uk play around with white girls but still end up marrying asian girls. i havent seen many south asian girlss marrying white, black or any other. South asians stay withing their own cuz of cultural pressure and bollywood protaying asian guys in a positive light. chinese and south asians are very different.

a crush party!!! don't feel guilty for having something or someone that makes you tingle as long as your repectful and sincere (NO STALKING!!) who knows, he may have a twin! if you like the stuff (Bollywood), then liking the maker of the stuff (Khan) is only natural. if you didn't or couldn't admit liking him because he isn't one of your 'tribe', that would make you no different than the person saying 'some of my best friends are ______, but i wouldn't date one'. you should relax on this sense of 'ownership' of a culture. even moreso of people. what is an 'outsider' in America where there is somebody from everywhere - twice. we live in a cultural Cuisinart. which is a good thing - as long as you respect where all the ingredients come from. it lets us spice up the pot with a whole slew of new flavors. your 'fetish' for Indian men (or at least one man) is an attraction. that's cool. it would be uncool if you said 'i could never find an Indian guy hot'. eewww...bad! it would be even worse to try to justify it by saying that you are 'protecting' HIS 'cultural purity' or some such. when you make your 'Yellow Fever' accusations, what is the basis? when you make you instantaneous exclusions (no _______s), what is the basis?

The U. S. has racisn, but I feel its changing, The Baby Boomers on back dealt with a lot of segregation and hatred toward each other. I think the biggest reason blacks are portrayed bad in a lot of American Media is because they are the only race that would stand up to the white man. Every other race kissess his ass. Pop culture in modern American times are integrated, Schools, Clubs, all venues. No, U. S. is not a perfect society, but we came a long way. Ive been to Europe recently to visit some of my family there and its pretty bad. Those Skinheads and White Supremacist Gangs are really on the rise there, worse than America. I guess to many Asian, and Africans are flooding Europe the way Mexicans flood America

I've already responded to the interracial dating post/comments, and I find this post to hit the same kind of nerve.Thinking on a different tangent...One thing about having been doing work in Asian America, and all the PC-ness (etc., etc.) that one has to be aware of/sensitive to, I realize that it's really easy to spout all these words and ideas, but then it's scary when you have to "break it down" in your own personal life. "How does this apply to me?" "Do my own actions mirror what comes out of my mouth?"Sometimes a crush is just a crush, is just a crush. Right? Why does it have to be broken down as a question of race or (mis)appropriating another culture, etc.? Most importantly, why do I have to FEEL like I need to justify having a "fun obsession" with Bollywood films and a crush on a film star?

Eureka!!! Big up for the 'A' letter gal!! Exactly my point. Your crush is perfectly sane (well...) and normal. No need to justify at all. It would only be creepy if you assumed that a relationship of such a sort would instantly lead you to discounts at gas stations and non-chain motels across the nation and weekends with some guy that who is a Kama Sutra specialist just because he's ...So crush like a cardboard box in a trash compactor!Now as for jonesin' on Bollywood films...see somebody about that, will ya'!

i think i should just put in here that this is one of the reasons for affirmative action. not so that indian guys can get laid - although that too, in a broader sense. i mean that if you're a woman growing up surrounded (in person as well as in media) by only white men, then you're only going to be attracted to white men. when a rare indian (or whatever else) man crosses your path, you won't know how to feel, or how to value him. he'll just be a purely exotic object to you.however, if you work with, go to school with, or watch indian men in the movies -- even just a few, even just one -- then you'll have the previous opportunity to find indian phenotypes (as well as possibly cultural differences) "normal", not to mention attractive. so when you come across that one indian guy, you'll be able to view him not as a curio, but as a dating prospect.this applies, of course, to friendships, hiring practices, realtors' practices, etc, etc.so audrey, your crush is really a sort of cultural affirmative action.

"Cultural affirmative action" and crush in the same sentence.That's funny.I'll be accepting applications now! Bonus points if you like turtles too!

I think there is still racial prejudice in US, and it seemed worse than in UK

Wow Gold - interesting. In what ways do you think the US is worse than the UK? Do you think the same is true for continental Europe? Canada? My question is asked not to argue your opinion, but to gain from another point of view.

Are South Asians unheard of in the USA compared to the UK. In the UK there is some racial prejudice against them, how are they viewed in the USA?Are there some Americans who've never heard of South Asians.

A question or two (wow! what a surprise!); where did you grow up (Claire) that you were surrounded by and saw media with only white men? Latvia? Also, I should hope that the 'crusher' is planning on enjoying the 'getting laid' part as much as the 'crushee' or he's not worth executing the crush crash. Are you still allowed to do that 'affirmative action' stuff in Cali?PS - Hey 'A', I got you message - Thanks!