How NOT to Pick Up Asian Women

May 24, 2006

So to tell you the truth, I'm not particularly bothered by the way that the dude interspersed his declarations of affection for me with miscellaneous food references (given my love for food, his approach might have worked in a different context). What offends me is his use of some of the most disgusting and cliched Chinese take-out dishes on the planet. I think that if he'd uttered the words "egg foo young," I might have physically beat him.

I read a great book in one of my sociology classes in which an interaction of this kind was described as "interactional vandalism." Needless to say, I feel completely defaced.

Contributor: 

Melissa Hung

Founding Editor

Melissa Hung is the founding editor of Hyphen. She was the editor in chief for the magazine's first five years and went on to serve in many other leadership roles on the staff and board for more than a decade. She is a writer and freelance journalist. Her essays and reported stories have appeared in NPR, Vogue, Pacific Standard, Longreads, and Catapult, among others. A native Texan, she lives in California. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Comments

Comments

I'm not sure why people are surprised that shouting racist Asian generalizations don't work. All you're doing is pointing out something about them that matters far less to them than it does to you. That's like walking up to a woman and saying "hey, I'm talking to you because you have breasts."
well, I think the way NOT to pick up asian girls is to treat them as any different than anyone else.I think people kinda get excited by something different and think they can act differently, but the rules of the game apply everywhere. White girls have some similar problems in asian countries.
all asians should go back to their native countries. they should take their sluts and cheaters for women and kill eachother off back in their countries
if you think asian women are fuckingly stupid, materialistic and do not have great mind/personalities, how much are you better off than us?if you have been reading history for god damn sake, you would KNOW that what we Asian women are facing today were all caused by you [slur deleted- ed.]. you [slur deleted- ed.] came here, took all our natural resources, exploited us and forced us Asian women into prostitutions. now you blame us for our poverty, for us being materialistic, for us being so dumb. have you ever been into a state where you dont have food for your family and the only survival state is to work at tender ages? how do you expect us to be literate when we dont even meet our daily basic needs. what more, you [slur deleted- ed.] demand for Asian girls, the black market did their work by supplying what you [slur deleted- ed.] want.use your [slur deleted- ed.] brain and think, it needs a two-way communication for an event to happen. if we are not pushed into such situations, do you think prostitutions are so common here?
NorthWest Coast represent! Yeah, there is a crap load of Asians up here. But I'm not Asian or a women to tell you how it all goes.
Asian women seems to be the most beautiful women in the world. My visit to Singapore convinced me of this fact but this is contestable because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.I am an African and we love that which is beautiful and dutiful.My belief about relationships especially with the Asians is to accept them for who they are and what they can do and you will see surprises
Let me ask Asian women an honest question; do you think white men would think you're so "easy" if Asian women had a reputation for blowing off white men?Hrm?The fact of the matter is the reason why white men believe you're so easy is caused by your demographic and your demographic ALONE. All this crap of how Asian women are unfairly stereotyped is drawn from typical liberal political correctness crap. It's time to fully and honestly analyze the problem because it's impossible to fix problems if you lie to yourself.This is why you can't step out of the "easy" stereotype because you keep pulling the wool over your own eyes. It’s about time to look inward for change and stop blaming external sources that only react to how you view yourself.I honestly believe that all these stereotypes about Asian women are fully created by themselves and I don't understand why Asian men feel the need to do anything about it if Asian women themselves don't care and out marry as alarming rates.The large out flux of Asian women to white men just confirms to white men that you're easy to nab.
Every single Asian poster in here damn sure knows that white people are fucking undercover racists. You can deny that by saying..."noo their nice" and this and that but inside you KNOW they dun like us. If you are Asian and you really believe that whites are good people you are in denial or you are a white washed piece of shit who probably cant even speak your own language.
Stereotypes stereotypes stereotypes...Lets try evaluating people on an individual basis instead of saying whites are undercover racists...statements like that, helluuuuuu, defeat your premise. You seem angry at being stereotyped and in turn do it right back.Lets face it there is enough negativity around, and people generally deserve the benefit of the doubt. Its been my experience that they do.
It would be nice to play the idealogical route, and give people the benefit of the doubt. But when Asians do that in the US--to society Asians are seen as being passive and weak and add to the stereotype. We only get one month to celebrate our heritage when the white folks are always recognized year around.
Angry Oriental, you are so cool, much love.
Are you not interested in creating a society where there is true equality, Angry Oriental? If so this cannot be done with xenophobia and hatred of anyone, even if they are priveleged whites.We all know that Plato's arguement from opposites does not work. So, therefore, combating the racism of whites with racism against whites does not work to destroy the offending concept.
"A captured mind is a captured state but only free will has mind sustained. You burn away all you once loved, now it's time to turn away."STEP OUT FROM YOUR GRAVE
I'm from South Texas, lived here pretty much my whole life. I get nothing in the vicinity of stereotypical shit or racist crap. Then again I am 6'4" and 240 lbs.
Oh, and I'm korean, in case yall be wonderin'.
dude, asian girls are so fucking hot. unfortunatly, theyre also pretty fucking retarded. im guessing that they survived natural selection because they are hot, not because they have great minds/personalities.so, they are basically trophies and are valued like the expensive shit that turns them on. if you want one, be prepared for lots and lots of silence followed by spurts of hard core drama. im serious, korean girls especially. they feed off it like kimchi.
Dave, what does it say about you that you know only Asian girls who have no personalities instead of the ones that do? Every race has its materalistic trophies. And every race has interesting people who do and think worthwhile things.Oh wait, they're hot. I see. Perhaps you should start thinking with your brain and not your pants.
Ripple NICE GUY is ussualy never the right tactic, with any woman. Beautiful woman are sorounded by "nice guys and treat them like their worth a dime a docen.
Well, if you don't like guys yelling at you about how much you remind them of oriental foods or "china dolls", how would you like a guy to talk to you? What would really turn an Asian girl on?
Usually when I want to pick up an asian bitch I just say something to the effect of:"whatsup slut, you like prada handbag?".This works like 99 percent of the time.Asian girls are typically stupid, mindless little sparrows who hop around and get excited when they see expensive or shiny shit. Most have the charm and personality of cardboard, but can be won over with superficial and usually expensive crap. I've always figured that as Americans we've done so much waring and whoring in asian countries that somehow we have genetically altered asian women and turned them into gold-digging cock-puppets.In a nutshell...You need to be mean as hell and have money to pick up asian women.(ps when the bitches read this they are gonna get all up in arms for like 30 minutes...then they'll have to go get ready for the club and be trampy. I grew up in Orange County too... So I know pretty much everything possible about asian girls and am considered an expert by pretty much everyone who has ever met me.)
you must not have read the blog post.
Asian girls are as easy as any prostitute, you just need money to dress well, drive a nice car, and buy them food. They'll screw you for a good meal!
None of whats been posted is that bad. For some devilish reason, the southern states , especially north carolina on down to the border of florida is horrendous to asian females. They both male and female are extremely sexist, degrading, mocking, and condescending toward asian females. Those souls should go straight to HELL. I don't know what their makeup is but its downright scary.
It's just not fair, isn't it? After reading most of these replies, it seems that most guys can pull Asian women even though they are assholes. I'm beginning to think that nice guy is the wrong tactic.
Well, i'm a whiteboy and looove asian women -
Ripple, you sound lie an loser
Wow! I think EVERYONE needs to CHILL OUT a little bit here. Racist stereotypes are exactly what they are. RACIST! whether you are talking about asian people or causasian people or african people, etcI think the nature of people being either physically attracted or expressing interest in another culture has more to do with the fact that we tend to be interested in things that are different from our own cultural experience or upbringing.Homogeny is simply boring. just look at Japan or Scandinavia. they are all starving for a little diversity in their cultural diet.People...try not to think without opening up your minds a little and you might see things a little differently.PeaceM
Just read the last few blogs on from some presumbably non Asian guys denigrating AsianAmerican women; I;ll just say that I have taught a few ASian American women how to shoot and carry handguns with their CCW permits; so think twice about victimizing Asian women; you might get violated with some supersonic lead. What is pathetic is to see so many loser caucasian guys who seek Asian AMerican women as a secondary choice when they strike out with white women; it takes the Asian female some time to figure out that they got a "returned item" or "open box special" in this guy.EVen caucasian comedians mock this mixed-matching as "creepy" or weird; some other site just mentioned that young Asian American women suffer the highest risk of depression and suicide and it is all too clear why.
You wonder why you can't attract any decent guys....It's because u shoot down every non-asian guy that comes within 10feet because you think the only reasonhe is acknowledging you is because of your asian face/ asian submissiveness/ asian cooking or whatever.I mean damn!!!!I admit it - you women do have looks on your side, but you aren't goddesses.And the way u carry on scares off a lot of men. Almost every good bloke I've ever spoken to(pardon my aussie slang, but i'm sure u know what I'm getting at) won't bother with Asiansfor fear of being branded as having yellow-fever by you or your friends.And what do u know, all that's left is the "konnichi wa" saying dropkicks.Give us a chance & u may be pleasantly surprised.Thats my 2cents anyway. I'm out.
This sort of situation has also happened to me and my friends. While walking down the street in L.A., a non-Asian man started catcalling and yelling to us "Konnichiwa! Why you ignoring me?" (I wasn't with any Japanese friends at the time.) It's like they're thinking, "Hey! Asian girl walking by. Let me scream the first Asian word I can think of." Also, I was sort of surprised this happened in L.A., given the large population of Asians.
if i had a dollar for everytime something like this happened to me...i used to get "china doll" and "china girl" a lot.nowadays, i just get honks when cars drive by.
I was in Amsterdam with a friend of mine when a group of three non-Asian guys kept saying 'Konichiwa' and then laughing and saying stupid stuff in English, trying to mimic the Asian accent. When they walked by us, I said, really loudly, in my perfect Californian accent: "Wow, those guys speak horrible English. They really should take some language lessons." When I turned around, I saw the look of shocked ignorance on their faces .. priceless.
For what momo said about the obnoxious comments and the drive by honking, I totally feel what you're saying. Anyhow, I've developed my own ways of coping. If the creeps pass by me on foot, I learn to just ignore them. If they're driving by, I flip 'em the bird.
Personally, I just like to use my caveman pick up line and club the woman over the head. Saves so much time, effort, and rejection.Anyways, at least you're getting recognition (ie IOIs). I was in Philly this past weekend teaching an approach & pickup workshop and while it wasn't a chilly reception, I definitely didn't get as "looks" from women as I normally would in other parts of the country like the West Coast and the South.
Philly -- another blue collar town, where lots of laid off factory workers probably resent & blame asians (instead of blaming greedy CEO's) because of Chinese and Japanese industrial competition.West Coast (esp the NorthWest) -- where large numbers of asians have helped produce communities that people of all races enjoy the good life.The South -- Japanese auto factories set up shop there, and also contract from parts suppliers, creating lots of US jobs. So the blue collar resentment is somewhat neutralized.IMO, the only truly "Asian friendly" area is the West coast. Regional stereotypes are that Southerners are more racist than Northerners or East Coasters. But that's not my experience. The NorthEast maybe stereotyped as liberal, but racism towards Asians is still pretty common there.The NE resent asians as competitors, as Southerners resented blacks as competitors also (altho much more violently and oppressively).It'd be great if more asians could set up prominent factories in the NE to appease & reduce working class resentments. But NE land ain't cheap, and I'm not rich. Whatever.
Hey! I'm from Philadelphia! and I'm asian! And no, Philly's not blue collar, but it's a lot more blue collarish than Boston, New York, and DC. Philadelphians are regionalistic. I should know, I'm from here. I've made a lot of friends here, and I've met and dated women here... non-asian women. A little education for you ignorant outsiders of my city. We philadelphians tend to be suspicious of anyone who's not from Philly, whether you're a New Yorker, DC ite, or bostonian, or anywhere else. We've got a huge vietnamese american community, and a good number of vietnamese men marry non asian women. So no, what you're saying, ain't what it is.So, if you're not from here, guess what, stop blaming us cause we're blue collar. We may be blue collar, but we've got as much brains as some namby pamby harvardite, money grubbin yorker, and corrupt DC ites. The only thing is we're the most boorish sports fans in the whole world, and yeah, come to West Philadelphia, where I was born and raised, and you'll see low income, hispanic, black, and south east asians livin next to each other. Not always peacefully, but we haven't had the severe beatings that the chinese have had in Queens, or the viets in Boston.I think that says something about my town, it's Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love.
And might I add, Philadelphia, combined, population wise, is the size of Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco combined.Something to think about before you pass judgement on Philly.
Love asian women. Love white women. Love black women. Love latinas. Love all women.
Big Up Philly!! And Anonymous - stow it!!
Wow, you Philly people are insecure.What's wrong w/being blue collar? You admitted it but act like it's something shameful to be denied.And then you admit that Philly is regionalistic and that Philly has a rep for being boorish.(Well, at least yer honest about that stuff, and prob right about alot of New Yorkers and DC'ers.)All I know is that boorish, insecure people, no matter what city, are the number 1 kind of people who harass asians.Brotherly Love, yeah right.
Oh geez: Boorish, insecure people, that brings back flashbacks:"Hey Chinaman, do you think yer better than us?""Do you think we're lazy Americans?""You people think you're so smart, but we're still better than you.""We can't compete against you people, you people are cheap. Cheep.""At least my dick is bigger than yours."Insecure, jealous, resentful, rude, impolite people. I hate them. That type loves to pick on a quiet asian man who is trying to just better himself. They mock him, rob him, call him a cheater if he wins a competition, despise him if he has different opinions, resent his success, and mock him on TV.They'd love to squash every flower in a meadow if they were insecure enough to think of themselves as ugly.
Hey 'blah', Philly hasn't been really 'blue collar' since the late 50s, - early 60s, so that's my first problem with the generalization. The now 60-70-80 year old blue collar guys are not out 'picking up Asian chicks' or burning Toyotas. And my second comment is that the sports fans here are tough and vocal. This is not said as either a badge of honor or a mark of shame. Many of them could stand to improve their manners wrt opposing teams, but they are also pretty diehard in support of the locals. I haven't seen welcome wagons put out in NY or Tampa or Chicago or Dallas for opposing teams either and the last snowball thrown at Santa was over 30 years ago.Possibly the reason why Cali is less 'partisan' (if that is your contention) is that there is a pretty large percentage of the populace there that is not 'from' there so their loyalties are divided.The extent to which we 'distrust' outsiders is, I think, very much related to where the outsiders come from and how they 'enter the room'. You walk in like you own the joint and you are likely to get the cold shoulder.But more to your point, there have not been many incidents of 'Asian beat downs' here (I can't think of one in recent memory). As to the psuedo-Asian language 'hey baby! and 'do you speak english' calls - yes they are insulting. they are based on a very narrow assumption. I think the same thing when I see some wannabe 'down dude' walk up to a Black person and start off with "Yo brotha' wassup?" - the instant slide into 'street jive' assuming that this is how he has to talk to the Black person to be understood.
Hey, blah, guess what, here's news for you. Those kinds of impolite, jealous, insecure, resentful people are EVERYWHERE. If you hate them, good luck, because you're going to run into that no matter what country you go to, even in Asia! If there's one thing I learned growing up in this town, it's this. It's not my problem they've got a bad attitude. I don't let other people's attitude ruin my day, because I don't make it a habit to take other people's expression of their own pent up problems as my own. We've got enough problems to deal with on a personal level as it is, then to have to let someone's crappy attitude compound that problem!As for Philadelphia, it's the only town I've seen where you can find cambodian/black gangs forcefully integrating the italians in South Philadelphia. Yes, you heard that one right. Cambodians and blacks, in one gang. Now, racial integration has it's plusses and minuses, and this one's probably a minus, but still, it's racial integration.This is the only town I've seen where the local porno kingpin was featured on the Philadelphia weekly front page last year. Guess what, he's a chinese american guy... who thinks he's italian.This is the only town with more wall art and wall murals than any other city I've ever seen on either the East or West Coasts. Hey, we have to cover up all the graffiti. You can't miss it, especially when you walk into Chinatown from the Vine street entrance, and there's this HUGE chinese girl and chinese cultural art painted on the side of a building. And then going into Center City, from the Galleria, you've got a huge half naked asian guy, with blacks, hispanics, and whites, painted on the side of another building.Oh yeah, and the Eagles got Timmy Chang. Ha ha! Hopefully Timmy will nail a couple more passes like he did a few weeks ago in the Euro league, and then he can play on the team with McNabb and crew. I'll tell you this, this is the only town where, during an Eagles vs. Cowboy's game, what an ancient rivalry, where a black man will sit down with me, and we just talk the talk like friends who knew each other, and HE would educate ME on the fact that Dat Nguyen is the first vietnamese american football pro in the NFL.This is the only town where I can sit down with black people, have a conversation till 4 AM in a cafe, and not get crap. I can sit down with white people in a bar, dance till 3 AM, and not get crap, as long as I'm a philadelphian like everyone else.I haven't seen that in Boston, and I've lived there for almost 8 years. Can't say the same elsewhere, but so far, you can't beat Philly. It grows on you. And I grew up here, worked here, meet up with friends here, have relatives here, gone to weddings here, funerals...Case in point, a while ago, during the NBA championship, LA vs. 76'ers, and I walked into a bunch of black people around a TV, and asked, "who's winning?" too which they cautiously asked, "what team?" I replied, "76'ers, who else?". I hear a collective sigh, and someone pipes up, "Man, I thought you one of them! You one of us! We're winning!"We're regionalistic, hell, we even hate the suburbanites who drive their street clogging SUV's into the city every weekend. Peronally, I'm a cyclist, and this is the best city on the East Coast for grunge, fixedgear, singlespeed, and outlaw cyclists. Now, you want to talk about a more boorish group than that? I'd rank them with Eagles fans... and maybe the occasional homeless Flyers fans.
Yo Yo Dave!!! You forgot to mention we've got award winning 'warter' too! 'Jeet yet?