Seriously. Honestly.

I just know that I need to get the first post out of the way so I can start blogging about things from the Asian American community or from an Asian American perspective here at the Hyphen blog.

But then again.

I am Asian American.

I mean, I know what it's like to be an Asian American male who gets stopped by cops, looked at like a thug when I'm on my game, and have white women clutch their bags with a look of tense discomfort as I pass them by; in their fantasy world they probably imagine I'm on my way to stalk and neuter the genetic misfit known as the Labradoodle.

So technically, anything I say is from an Asian American perspective.

Isn't it?

Wait. BRB. I have to pee.

Okay -- what was my point again?

Oh yeah. First post. Back to first post. Always about the first post.

Here are some things you should know about me, or at least that I feel like telling you:

1. I like to remain anonymous. Other bloggers, people I know, etc. -- everyone just knows me as Slanty Slant, or as the blogger down at Slant Eye For The Round Eye.

Why?

My reasons are actually quite simple and have a lot to do with some of the unfortunate time I had to spend in a lecture hall, but that still provided me with some useful information.

There's two competing theories out there on knowing about an author, and while I'm not an author in that sense (any sense really), I am a blogger, so I've decided to take some liberties.

The first theory is that you should know everything you can about an author, including everything about their personal lives, because it will help you read their works. The competing theory, and the one I ascribe too, is that by knowing less about someone you're more apt to focus on their words and what they're saying versus reading into those words because of what you know about them.

Simple isn't it? And for me -- why I blog -- it makes a lot of sense. While I'm sure I'll end up sharing intimate details about myself here in some way or another, I'm an Asian American blogger -- and really -- what else do you need to know about me other than that?

2. I once had a dream to start up my own organization where I would have classes teaching people to underwater basket weave and draw their own genitals, and while I thought this was a great idea at the time, especially the second (because what better type of self discovery is there), apparently banks don't give loans for this type of startup. However, if you want to try this at home, all you need is a pencil, mirror, some tracing paper, and good lighting -- the good lighting is really key.

3. If you haven't noticed already, I'm a blithering idiot at times. But a blithering Asian American idiot -- so maybe you can cut me some slack here and there.

4. When I was younger, and completely un-enlightened, I gave myself my own nickname (and that in itself should tell you how bad it would be because you're not allowed to give yourself your own nickname).

I wanted to be known as the "Oriental Express".

Yes, all my friends vetoed that one immediately, but I still stuck with it, and in my brief career as a wanna be pool hustler known as the "Oriental Express" -- well -- it was brief, so that should tell you all you need to know.

5. I have a good collection of foreign films, pretty much all of them are backups of the originals which I can't seem to find anymore (I think they're in the attic) and somehow just saying that makes me feel more Asian, because while I don't have the Asian pool hustler gene, with a hi-def printer the Asian reproduction gene seems to come out naturally.

O.K. -- I think that's about it.

First post?

Check.