Hyphen TV: Bring Out Your Inner Alien

August 26, 2013

Mark's greatest opponent: hair

Another one of my So You Think
You Can Dance
faves is back as an all-star: season 4's Mark Kanemura!
This week, the all stars got to choreograph their own dances, and I'm
happy to report that Mark's Gaga is showing in a major way (Mark is Lady
Gaga's principal dancers) and it's awesome. He choreographed a freaky
jazz piece
, telling partner Jenna, "Bring out your inner alien and let's
go to space." Set to Korean girl band 2NE1's "I Am the Best," Mark's
jazz had the duo wearing optical illusion-y outfits as they danced
on and around a lip-shaped couch (complete with rolled-out red carpet
tongue) and incorporated Mark's signature hard hitting movement with the use of an unusual prop: Jenna's long hair braid.

Just your average Tuesday night

you couldn't tell, I loved the piece, and I wasn't alone: the judges
gave the performance a triple standing ovation, and even host Cat
grabbed the dancers in a big hug at the end, exclaiming, "I have never
seen anything like that before in my life." In addition to the effusive
praise heaped on both dancers for their performance, Nigel added, "You
should not be [Gaga's] number one dancer, you should be her number one
choreographer!" From your lips to mother monster's ears, Nigel.

remember the giant mess that is Mistresses? The show took a little
break, but don't worry -- it's still completely ridiculous. If you'll
remember, we last left Karen having just learned that she was being sued
by Elizabeth, the widow of Karen's deceased lover. This week, we saw
Karen desperately trying to call Savi, whose law firm represents
Elizabeth, then confronting Savi in her office when Karen got no
response. For some reason (oh right, the aforementioned ridiculousness),  Savi is surprised and upset by Karen's appearance in her office instead
of understanding that her supposed best friend is in shock and feeling
betrayed. She took herself off the case and offered Karen no explanation
besides "I've already said too much." Helpful!

Even more
helpful was when Karen returned to her own office only to be greeted by
-- guess who! -- good old creepy Sam. He came to apologize for his mom,
confirming that "she's out for blood." Karen than apologized for not
telling him that she had an affair with his dad, and he replied, "I'm
glad you didn't. I never would have gotten to know you if you had told
me." Eww. How can you apparently not care AT ALL that the older lady
you're crushing on was sleeping with your dad?

"This is all really weird, but I'll allow it."

Karen's next
visitor (does she have clients anymore?) was Natalie Wade, a fancy
British lawyer lady played by Tehmina Sunny who showed up out of nowhere
to represent Karen with no explanation except, "You have friends
in high places. Let's leave it at that." Since Karen is stupid, she was
totally satisfied by that non-explanation. Natalie then revealed that
Elizabeth isn't after Karen's money; she only wants to drag the doctor's
name through the mud. Oh no! That would really make that big speech she
was so excited about a few episodes ago -- and then never mentioned again -- really awkward!
While discussing Karen's lack of an alibi on the night of Thomas's
death, Natalie spotted a photo of Karen with her friends. "You have an
active social life [this from a single photo of her with three women?].
Are you sure you weren't with one of them?" Uhh. Is a lawyer who
randomly appears and then immediately suggests you lie to a judge really
that reliable? In Karen's world, yes!

That night when
Karen got home, guess which freaky kid was there waiting for her! Does
anyone on this show have a job or other livelihood? Hobbies? Friends
besides the half dozen characters on the show? No? Got it. Anyway, it
turns out that Sam sent Natalie (again: does he have a job? How can he
afford a lawyer?), explaining, "You're so used to being there for other
people, you're not good at asking for what you need." Instead of
reacting with a nice "Get outta here, child!" Karen thanked him for his
generosity and invited him in. What?! She told Sam about her super
unethical convo with Natalie, and he said, "Let me be your alibi. I'd do
anything for you, Karen." Then, of course, they started making out,

Ahem. On Top Chef Masters, we saw a side of Sang
that I wasn't terribly happy to know about. His sous chef Ted lost his
battle again, meaning that Sang and his teammates didn't get to work
with their sous chefs as the others did. This, plus the fact that it was
restaurant wars, seemed to make something snap in Sang, and he berated
his team's waitstaff and experienced more friction with his teammates
than we're used to seeing on Top Chef Masters. Sang's fellow master and
kitchen buddy Douglas, who usually jokes around with Sang, expressed his
disapproval: "Sang kinda unloaded on the waiters, and I'm kinda
shocked. We get along well as friends, but I don't think we gel well as a
team." Ouch. To make matters worse, Sang's teammates grumbled about his
selfishness when he was the only one to work solely on his dish instead
of helping out with other plates as the rest of the team did. Eek.

The blue team in happier times

the no-sous handicap, Sang's team won the challenge. When asked who was
responsible for the menu, which was supposed to reflect the food
culture of Los Angeles, Sang appeared to take credit by stepping up and
explaining that he was the only one on the team from LA. The judges
liked his twist on Chinese take out, turning beef with broccoli into
strip loin with broccoli two ways served with puffed tendon and black
bean ghee. I'm actually sorry to say that Sang took the top prize again,
earning him another $10K for charity but surely earning some bitterness
from the other chefs as well. Really hope you tone it back down next
week, Sang.

Sullivan and Son seems hellbent on making Ok
Cha its breakout character, so obviously their season finale brought her
into both plotlines, a karaoke contest and Roy and Ahmed trying to get
Ok Cha drunk so that she'd rip up their bar tab. The stories came to a
head when a drunk and uninhibited Ok Cha got into her karaoke
performance of "I Will Survive," letting her hair down for the first
time on the show and dancing all around the bar. Susan had her usual
reaction: "Look at her, she's happy. I don't feel safe." And on that odd
and somewhat unsettling note, see you next year, Sullivan and Son!

Everybody laugh at the drunken Korean lady!

Dianne Choie


Dianne Choie's TV is in Brooklyn, NY. She has a cat, several reusable shopping bags, and other mildly annoying stereotypes of youngish people who live in Brooklyn.