Hmmmmmm, I would've penned those books my own damn self if somebody hadn't already beaten me to the draw. Oh well you snooze you lose.

Basically, the cold, hard truth is this:whites have different colored hair and eyesall other races have jet black hair and brown eyesso when non-whites look at whites in the eyes, its like seeing color tv for the first timeyou can argue all you want, but every animal in the kingdom has ugly and pretty species and the fact is whites are the fairer species of humanthe heirachy goes:1. blonde hair2. brown hair3. black or 'red' hair1. blue eyes2. green eyes3. brown eyesAND AINT THAT THE COLD HARD TRUTH?Life isn't always fair

But the 'fairest maiden of them all' was Snow White and she had jet black hair and black eyes. So how does your theory hold up under the observation that:Many white men love asian (dark-haired, dark-eyed, non-white skinned) women?The historical 'desire' for the 'exotic' mulatto woman (the tragic mulatto)?The fact that the most seductive and beautiful women (as designated by history) have been women such as Cleopatra (Egyptian), Mata Hari (Dutch-Javanese), Desdemona (Italian), Helen of Troy (Greek), Venus di Milo (Italian), Mona Lisa (?), Samson's Delilah (Semite), and more all of whom are dark-haired and dark-eyed? Hollywood depictions notwithstanding.And the fact that the overwhelming majority of the humans on the planet have brown or black eyes and brown or black hair?IF 'light is right' and dark is wrong, wouldn't 'natural selection' have 'picked' light to be the one to mate with eventually leading to the 'elimination', or severe reduction of the 'dark'?But that's not the way the story goes James. Maybe you are ascribing your own fetishisms to others to make your thing seem more 'normal'?? Like what you like, but the biological evidence would indicate that lots of humans like a 'touch of honey', a 'kiss of the sun' - whatever you want to call it - black, brown and beige (to use Duke Ellington's composition).Hate to 'flame', but it annoys me when people cite 'opinions' as 'facts'. Look on the bright side - the heat might brown you a little :-)"Facts do not cease to exist simply because they are ignored" - Aldous Huxley.

Wow, you're my hero. I had flashbacks of lectures I've had to sit through for a People of Mixed Racial Descent class, when you dropped a bomb with the "tragic mulatto."Damn. You go!

Hey 'A',Hope I didn't turn your blog into a bashing session, I just felt compelled to kill that monster before it got running. If you're going to rely solely on rhetoric as least make it good rhetoric. Sort of the 'brilliance' or 'bullshit' option.Wow, what was YOUR major sitting through classes on "People of Mixed Racial Descent"? (taught by Lars Yokohama and Lastisha Solzhenitsyn) That's like splitting the split hairs of the hair splitters. Did they teach you how to 'be' of mixed race or did they just define it? (The 'one-drop' rule goes 21st century) Did they cover any Irish/your-race-goes-here mixes? Someone once said the Irish were 'the Blacks of Europe' and anybody drinking beer is Irish on St. Pat's Day - but I don't think that's the drop they were talking about. But both are measured in pints...hmmmm - separated at birth? Funny, I never feel particularly Irish even while drinking beer.:-)

Actually, when I took that class, I was undeclared and looking into Ethnic Studies or Sociology as a major. Took that during a summer session at UC Berkeley. I ended up going the way of marketing and public relations because I figured, "Why study it if I live it every day?" Would've been overkill.If Irish are the "Blacks of Europe' then Filipinos are the Puerto Ricans of the West Coast.

i guess you could then put together a clinical description of your life as you know it. now you are trained in the art of making people desperately need something that until now they did not know existed :-)that can have its advantages...what about the mexicans and blacks of the west coast? are they the irish and gypsies of america?

can i just say, ewwww! now i'm looking around at all my asian brothers suspiciously, wondering if they have a secret compartment in their bookshelves at home (like i do for my good vibrations publications.)

I remember reading about the book on (a former co-worker of mine) Angry Asian Man's website a while back. At the time I wasn't sure if I should laugh or shake my head like, "WTF?"Last week I was at Ikea (getting cheap breakfast, yum!) and this really hot Asian guy was in line behind me. He was with his really hot blonde-haired white girlfriend. At first I was like, "Alright! You GO Asian boy! Buck that sex-less stereotype!" And then as I thought about it some more, I actually started to feel jealous. Like: "White girls could potentially date up all the Asian boys and there won't be any left for me! BOO!"Just thought I'd share that, since I don't have anything else intelligent to say about the matter.

but then, audrey, you WANT the white girls dating the asian boys asap, so there'll be more hot, hunky, hapas to spice up your midlife crisis!

If Asian guys are perceived as so sex-less, then why are there so many Asians in the world? If anything, Asian guys are having too much sex. =)

Right, Chao. I dunno why Westerners have this perception of Asian men. Obviously there's a lot of sex going on if Asians comprise a huge percent of the world's population.And regarding Claire's comment, I can't wait for Thanksgiving. This year I will celebrate Hapa Thanksgiving: "Thank you Buddha for all the tall, thick hapa men!" :-P

I just want to comment on reference to Black People. No one take this personal it just constructuve dialog and I have to comment on behalf of my race. First comment, To Asian Men and Women that want to assimilate into the White American world then thats their buisness. If dating white is right and dating black is wrong then thats cool, Its been that way since the begginnig of American history. I just want to say that most black people are against assimilation. Most blacks dont want to marry Asian, and better not Marry White(I must admit a lot of rich Blacks stray away). The reason Blacks are against assimilation with other races is because we are tired of being copied and imitated by other races. These same People that say they dont want to date us, be friends with us, or break bread with us love our culture more than we do. It doesnt make any sense. How many black people listen to white music, talk white, or dress white. Not many, I think that is why we are the most well known minority group in the world. We innovate our culure not immitate others. American Culture is Black Culture to a degree. Jazz, Rock N. Roll, Rapp all cam from the Black Community. I live in Asia, My wife is Asian. Here in Asia a lot of my White friends think all the Asian girls like Black Dudes. I just tell him they are not Americanized. Over here a lot of Blacks are married to Asain Women, But not in America. If they are then we brought them there from Asia

This is all very interesting, wondering from a white man percpective which I cannot work out also why I am solely attracted to Asian women. I have dated white woman, but do not find them attractive. I can be out and see a white woman dressed in something tight and revealing and maybe I will look once, as men do. However when seeing an asian woman with a tight pair of jeans I nearly stare.. I have dated asian woman and it depends on where they are from depends on their personality. The most beautiful was an Indonesian girl, but she had so much anger inside her was hard to gain trust in the relationship. Another was a Japanese girl who has a beatiful heart, was very loyal but did not have the beauty which entraped me to think about only her.I don't know if there is anything wrong with being soooo physically and emotionally attracted to asian woman. It may be called a fetish, or could it be simpley what i am attracted too.Any thoughts?

frank, it would be hard for me to say whether or not you have a fetish since i'm not you. of course people have their types -- maybe they're musicians, or maybe they're asian. only you know why you're attracted to asian women, and i think the reasons are the criteria for determining if it's a fetish or not. one thing's for certain though, as an asian woman, i would never date a guy like you. i find it creepy when non-asian guys only date asian women.

what about when asian women only date white men?

that's creepy too.and it brings up the whole self-hatred discussion. i suppose it's what you're used to. if you grew up with all white people around you, and all white images and you've assimilated very much, then yeah, maybe you've become one of those asian women who date only white guys.

pardon this blunt question, but where, other than finland or someplace behind the (old) iron curtain, is anybody growing up in the US where they see in any way, shape or fashion, ONLY white people??? where is there a place with only 'white' images? and what does one mean by 'assimilated'?? do you mean assimilated to America? to Latvia? or assimilated to wanna-be white? assimilated to the idea that white=better and non-white=worse. one of the real interesting things about this discussion (both here and it all its other quarters) is that the underlying assumption seems to be that America = white. there are other people here, including asians, who are NOT white!!! in order to take a hold of your 'rightful' piece of the rock, you have to first accept and 'assimilate' into your mind that it is YOUR rock (at least partly) and that some 35% of the 'rock-dwellers' here happen to NOT be white - and that it is their rock too! now, the asian girl-white guy thing is interesting in that around 30% of married 'asian women in the US' are married to non-asians and over 98% of them are married to white men. so it is NOT asian woman/non-asian man, but asian women (apparantly) seeking to marry white men, assuming they weren't drugged or their families held hostage in a basement somewhere. in fact, there is a better chance that a chinese woman (for example) is married to a white guy, than her being married to a korean guy. the sore spot with me is that the regular hoot-n-holler is 'these sicko, fetish-having white men are swooping up these unsuspecting asian women' and that does not appear to be the case. there is some mutual 'swooping' going on here. the girls know what they want and it isn't non-white and there seems to be little comment on their apparant fetish and what would seem to be bigoted attitudes towards other non-whites. what's up with that? how are they being socialized by family, friends, community to dislike 'non-white' so deeply? does she really ;hate herself' or just 'hates' that beige\brown 'him'? some of the crazy questions and comments i've gotten from FOB grad students and the like about blacks or latinos has made me shudder. what are families teaching asian girls about what makes a good mate? he has to be asian (preferably whatever she is) or white, but rarely 'cross asian ethnicity' and never latino or black. with that type of thinking it is hard to develop any alliances with fellow 'edge-of-rock dwellers' who outnumber asians but can't seem to so easily 'trade up' to 'junior white' status. it does not engender much support from other groups for the advancement of asian empowerment issues.

when i say assimilated, i do mean assimilated to white america. and yes, i mean assimilated to that white=better mind set.there ARE places in the U.S. where there are only white people. or where it's only white and black and if you, an asian person, walked into town, they would look at you and say, are you mexican? i've been just half an hour outside a major (and diverse) city and found myself not only to be the only asian, but the only person of color. it's happened to me in the pacific northwest and in the midwest.i agree completely what you say about taking a piece of the rock. and the problems of thinking of america in terms of white only. and completely completely agree with how this creates lack of support among other grouops for the advancement of AA empowerment.let's face it, some asians are racist. they use deragatory terms in their own languages to refer to blacks, latinos, and other asian ethnic groups. my own family has said it's ok to marry out so long as i don't marry anyone who's skin color is darker than mine. i call this racist. they don't see it that way. they say it's a "preference"so yes, your point is well taken. it's not just white guys going after asian women. it's asian women going after white guys too. a quick glance at the craigslist personals can confirm that.

Ella, I appreciate your candor. I've been in those 'highlander' situations (there can be only one) and it always disappoints me. i know there are places where only whites live (the benefit of being 65%+ of the population) but it is pretty darned impossible to not 'see' 'the rest of us' in the media and the like. it is vitally important that us 'edge dwellers' maintain and expand our intergroup coalition building efforts. we must make it unacceptable to pat one group on the head as a 'model minority' while smacking another group around as a 'problem'. this is especially important when we are in the home country or 'assimilating' newcomers. we can't let 'our own' get contaminated with those negative ideas. the real sad thing about it is that i too often find non-whites that have bought into the "white=better' mindset more deeply than most whites i've met.how does your family react when that 'preference' thing ends up with them on the shitty end of the stick?do unto others...

With all this 'asian guys shouldn't date white girls' and 'asian girls shouldn't date white guys' stuff (not that I see the latter quite as much) has anyone thought about what drives this dynamic? are there any parallels? is there any similarity to black\white dating? should asians only date asians? (kind of bigoted it seems to me) should asians only date other people of color? (but you don't see many asian\black couples do you). don't asians have their own 'external' go/no go tests? what about internal tests? (no japanese with vietnamese; no chinese with hmong; no koreans with thai) is the issue WHO someone is dating or is it WHY? is one person's 'exclusive desire' to date only hapa any less 'narrow' than another's keen interest in thai girls? we never seem to 'invite' the malay, the tamil, etc - the real 'dark' asians (indians are OK 'cause they have $$). maybe that white\black\chicano boy is trying to 'hit' on you. why is his interest automatically 'less noble' than that k-boy with too much gel in his hair? maybe he just thinks you are a hottie. is there something inherently wrong with that? the white boy dates a filipina and he has an 'asian fetish'; but the vietnamese guy is chillin' in baggy jeans, a kangol and listening to Mos Def...does he have a 'black' fetish? is he a 'wanna be'? could either party's intereset be genuine? there is a multi-culti party here in the US and us is a part of the party. maybe the cultural barter system results in less 'ownership addiction' and more 'common ground'. just throwing some fuel into the mix...

in response to "a questioner": you've asked a lot of good questions but your first assumption is incorrect. most of the comments above were intended as joking banter. i don't think anyone was saying that asian guys shouldn't date white girls and asian girls shouldn't date white guys across the board. it's just that, as the books make clear, there are a lot of white men out there who want to date asian women; not *specific* asian women, just *any* asian women. that's a fetish, plain and simple. there are also a lot of asian men out there who want to date white women - again, as a fetish thing.if a specific white or asian man meets a specific asian or white woman and is attracted to her specifically, go ahead and date, i venture to say, with hyphen's blessing and salacious interest. that goes for any specific man of any color and any specific woman of any color.but fetishes, and books encouraging fetishes, are just gross.

Not to be argumentative, but I wouldn't expect the Hypheners (and the similarly enlightened) to lodge a prohibition against interracial dating. We are smarter than that - or at least, have better things to do with our time.So, to cut to the heart of my questions - why do you think many white men (and that is the limitation that has been presented) WANT to date asian women? Why would asian men WANT to date white women? What are their motivations or objectives? Even fetishists have a 'reason' they 'enjoy' their fetish. Are the reasons similar or radically different?When you look at dating sites (I'll admit - I can be salacious too, but hopefully not lecherous!) you often see 'Asian girl\woman wants SWM' - sometimes even moreso than SWW postin a restriction for SWMs (by percentage). Now the question becomes why does SHE (SAW) want SWMs ONLY? Not Asian men - which might be 'explained' by an intrigue with the 'exotic'; the 'other' (a possible fetish). But noticably, that 'other' or 'exotic' doe NOT include Black men nor Latino men.We all know of the tales of parents that express 'disappointment' that Tanvi or Wei shows up with a white guy in tow, BUT they go bonkers if she shows up with a black guy or chicano and start talking about 'disowning' people. ("I have no daughter!!!")So, the magnanimous attitude of Hypenites aside, what's the deal with that??Oh, you guys are not exempt. The same fire and brimstone would rain down on you too! But would you even get to that point if she didn't look like J-Lo or Janet Jackson?

you mean if she didn't look like j-lo or beyonce. hyphen likes beyonce. hyphen wishes beyonce were asian. hyphen does not endorse janet jackson in any way, nor any other woman with fake boobs, nose and butt.

well, dearie, i don't know if all the hyphen studs would be just so quick to toss JJ to the curb, but...yeah...you got the point. but would beyonce be 'beyonce' if she were asian? or would she look like Zhang Ziyi??? whatever the answer...the original question remains....

"i don't know if all the hyphen studs would be just so quick to toss JJ to the curb"yeah, claire! speak fer yerself! :)t.

Hi there everyone, I have to say one thing. There was a period of time, as some may know, called the 80's and the early 90's. During this time, I was just a little tot, but, of course, being the tot that I was, I was learning about the world around me and catching on to every little bit that was going on around me. I remember seeing a lot of asian business men, barely any asian business women, and a lot of caucasian business women and business men. Vast amounts of asian men were coming over to the states to do business, and they were running into amazon women with blue eyes and blonde hair, brown hair and green eyes or blue eyes and brown hair and blond hair and green eyed women, and they were going goo-goo-ga-ga over them. This, as I observed closely as a little tot, severly pissed off and popped open a lot of asian girls' eyes (to the point where there were accusations seeping out of some of their mouths, continuously, threats, and stalking going on to the asian man and the caucasian woman for seeing each other and enjoying their time together, sometimes, just as friends. I remember most asian women being really short, having a square face, and having a stalky build. I remember seeing some asian women trying to get a date with a caucasian man, but not succeeding, because he claimed, sometimes, that she was asking too many times, and she was stalking him, now, and being too jealous of his girlfriend and him, together. Caucasian women were considered to be taking away the Asian man from the Asian women by some of the Asian women, as I observed and heard, and this caused a lot of confusion for some of the Caucasian women, because they some were not used to being told who they could or could not date. Of course, I heard "Are you looking at my boyfriend," a lot, from some of the women's mouths and the woman who was being interrogated would look confused, because of this. I didn't hear a lot of responses to that, at some of those moments, just a little sip of beer to the mouth, and a little stumble down the street, with no anger, until I would overhear some women talking to their friends and saying "This woman came up to me, today, and she started accusing me and stalking me, because I talked to somebody. What was that all about?" I remember boob jobs were considered cool, then, but no one could really afford them, so no one really got them, but there were sports bras, so those were pretty fashionable, then, too. Nowadays, they have botox and stuff like that, and in lots of parts of asia they have cheap ear, eye, leg, nose, face, and calf surgery, so if anyone wants to change something about themselves, they can do it, now. Let's try to get along with each other, right now, and not think about who is taller, has a better nose, face, legs, eye color, or whatever. It's all easier on everybody. O.K.? Peace.

What is with the term, 'Twinkie'? What, is it bad for someone to be caucasian, even though they are not caucasian, they never will be caucasian, and the term doesn't make any sense, anyway, for a person that carries no caucasian DNA, whatsoever? What, if I were to go over to asia would that mean that I'm lemon meringue pie, when I arrive and try to start a life for myself over there, by my choice and my choice alone, because it's none of anybody else's business where I would like to live, and I happen to be caucasian and not of any asian DNA? So, I ask, again, what is with the non-sensical term 'Twinkie'. The inside of an asian person's body does not carry any caucasian DNA, and because they were brought up in a different society does not change the fact that most of them were brought up with the asian culture, because as much as you try, you can't change what your parents are. You're your parents. That's the way it goes.

so one of the guys weighs in - Todd's ready to do 'at home' wardrobe service calls.'Miss, Jackson, we may have to simulate that failure to isolate the problem. This'll just take a few hours.' :-)

First, the term 'Twinkie' (not be confused with 'Twink' although you can be both) is sort of the Asina equivalent of 'oreo' as applied to black people. A 'twinkie' is one who is 'yellow on the outside and white on the inside'; as in purposefully distancing themselves from people of their own ethnicity. Sort of like being ashamed for who you are or what your ancesters were, biologically speaking. Culture, by contrast, is not really 'born in DNA' - Oh, an aside: many, many, many, many a scientific study has shown that there is virtually no such thing as 'caucasian' or 'asian' or 'african' DNA; there are traits\tracers that occur within regions or within populations, but quite regularly your DNA might share more common markers with someone who is ethnically not from your same 'part of the world' than you would with someone who is 'from 'round the way' - but I digress. Culture is much more 'location' than biology - nurture compared to nature so to speak. So there is no singular 'caucasian' or 'asian' or anything else 'culture'.Just thought we could clear this up before this goes down Doopey Road.Have a nice day! Enjoy you new location in Asia!!

Hey! I want in on this conversation too!My two cents: I wouldn't toss aside any girl who looked like Beyonce either...shoot! Beyonce's my hero. J-ho has been kicked to the curb.But on the real, going back to this interracial/miscegenation dialogue: I'm not quite sure what to believe anymore. Love sees no color? Everyone's choice (in terms of skin color/ethnicity/what have you) of who to date/marry actually IS a (political) choice? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I believe in a little bit of both.I have white (male) friends who will roll with the punches when you accuse them of swinging the way of the "Asian Persuasion," but they'll also swear up and down that they don't "have A Thing for Asian girls." (Yet they seem to always be dating Asian [from the Motherland] internationals.)It's a well-known joke amongst Hyphen staffers that I "prefer" a certain type of guy ("tall, thick and hapa"), and I've always wondered if somehow the desire for hapa (half-whiteness) (Filipinos say: "mestizo") stems from the "colonial mentality" that Filipinos grow up with, in desiring light skin (in the Philippines mixed [Spanish or Chinese] blood usually means someone comes from a background of wealth/power).Mama always approved of the hapa and Good Chinese Boys, but date a Mexican or Black? She would say, "I have no problem with that. Whatever makes you happy, but Daddy would disown you..." Race is a very sticky thing in my family (especially my dad's side). I always thought my family was hypocritical about being bigoted. Some of my cousins talk a lot of shit about dating black guys because their parents disapprove, yet they like to flaunt the fact that they (by default) have more "flavor" than those who only date Asians/whites, like it's some badge or secret club.And for all it's worth, I always figured with how ironic my life seems to be, watch me end up marrying a big, cornfed whiteboy from Canada or the Midwest. (Insert maniacal laughter here.) Let's see in a few years, shall we?

...and a few pennies more... The personal is political. An old adage which can make you feel that every step you take is being evaluated. It can also result in you being in situations or relationships that over time you come to regret. I guess that is the more cryptic meaning of 'politics makes strange bedfellows'.On your white male friends with an (apparent) touch of 'the Fever', the fact that their dates are always FOB or visiting students kind of deflates the 'i like long, black straight hair, so...' or 'i like petite women, so...' argument. if they come off with 'they are simplier\less materialistic\not argumentative\etc' or the other litany of cliches, then it would seem that the women they pursue are not 'people' but 'ideas'. that is bad. now a questiion to the women is 'why this (white) guy? why not that (non-white) guy?' if they mouth the same sort of 'cliches' (richer\smarter\nicer\etc) then it would seem that the players are being played by the players playing - A Players Ball. Are they any better?Everybody has preferences - their 'type' . Quite normal. You like 'em tall and thick - a lot of ladies would concur ;-) ON the physical tip, that is at least honest. You like 'em big and broad. Perfectly legit. You like 'em hapa (others use mestizo too!) - is it because they are\will be richer? Sounds like 'trading up' logic. Where does that leave the tall, thick and rich(er) non-hapa guys?Why is race a sticky issue on your Dad's side? Why is it a sticky issue at all? Complexion-wise, many Filipinos 'look' like they could be AmerIndian - except the Chinese of course. Many South Asians are darker than many black Americans. Why is it that people who despise being discriminated due to their race diss others based on race? The cousins that date blacks just to piss Mom & Dad off are pretty bad too. They are using those guys. First, to piss off M&D; why should the guy's well-being be used as a weapon in an interfamilial struggle? NOt very considerate of his feelings is it? And second, to build their 'street rep' - which of course means that they are making ASSUMPTIONS about all black guys which is wrong OR they dismiss any real potential black mates for 'gangsta' types which only plays into a stereotype that is not particularly helpful to black men. Just like the white guys that dress and act like thugs to a (Ice) T, they can always dump their 'black boy protest date' and return to safe suburbia and their originally scheduled programs. The black guy may or may not be able to step out of that 'mold' as easily either due to that being what he is or that being what the larger world (including your cousins) expect him to be no matter what he does. Sort of like dating her\him because she\he is submissive\dangerous. So the out of hand dismissal or the false embrace of a person due to stereotypical thinking are both unfair. Neither scenario allows the rejectee or the datee the luxury of full humanity and all its complexities.On your options...pick someone you like and makes you happy - no matter what the rest of us think! Never say never!!!

I think those who say we do not have any picture in our heads about the world are not faithful. However, I do not built an opinion about from HOW people look but if they have warm hearts and a nice manner, if they re gentle or not, and so on and so on.I think it'd take some time to find out about each others culture but it'd be worth it trying. I have been living one year in Japan when I was aged 18 and i see many things differently after that.Shalom& good bye everybody take care.Kim