On Asian American Dating

August 3, 2007

Just a thought before the weekend: if I tell you that I — an Asian American woman who lives in San Francisco — have a boyfriend, what ethnicity would you assume he was?

A friend says that if he met an Asian American woman in the Bay Area, and she mentioned she had a boyfriend, he would assume her boyfriend was white. Do you agree? What does this say about dating in our community? Does it make a difference if the woman lives in another place, say Chicago or New York? What assumptions do you make about girlfriends of Asian American men? And what about gay Asian Americans?

Contributor: 

Lisa Wong Macabasco

Former Editor in chief

Lisa Wong Macabasco joined Hyphen in 2006; she has worked as the magazine's features editor, managing editor, and editor in chief. She has written for Mother Jones, the San Francisco Bay Guardian, AsianWeek, Audrey, Filipinas and ColorLines’ RaceWire. She graduated from U.C. Berkeley and Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism and co-founded the National Asian American Student Conference. She was formerly an editor at AsianWeek newspaper and an editor in the marketing department of the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art.

Comments

Comments

I think most AA families want their children to marry within the same ethnic group, ie., Chinese marrying Chinese, Vietnamese marrying Vietnamese, etc. If they cannot marry within their ethnic groups, they would rather not marry other Asians, eg. Vietnamese marrying Chinese etc. For instance, if they are Chinese they would rather see their kids, especially the female kids marry whites rather than Vietnames, Japanese or Filipino. It is ok for Chinese in the Philippines to marry whites but not the Filipinos. I know of cases where a Chinese family ostracized one daughter for marrying the Filipino but treated the white son in law like royalty.
Gee! That's pretty bad!Sakamoto, do you think these types of internal 'racisms' (it isn't really 'racism' as they are of the same race - it is more an ethnic discrimination) is carried over to families in the US?Given that sort of 'educational context' is it any wonder that AA women would choose white men over AA men?
"Gee! That's pretty bad!Sakamoto, do you think these types of internal 'racisms' (it isn't really 'racism' as they are of the same race - it is more an ethnic discrimination) is carried over to families in the US?Given that sort of 'educational context' is it any wonder that AA women would choose white men over AA men?"Asian and Asian American men who complain about seeing white men with Asian women (in a number of cases this could be Filipinas). Singaporean Chinese men complain about Filipina maids with white men, some of whom are junior executives of multinationals. However, ask the same Chinese whether he will marry a Filipina maid, the answer would be clearly and unequivocally no!! Beneath status to marry a maid, Filipina or otherwise and marrying a Filipina would mean ostracization. Well, I did not tell you the whole story. Know of a Malaysian Chinese woman married to an African American who is reluctantly accepted. However, her sister married Vietnamese and they ostracized her.Some of it has to do with racism. But, mostly traditional hatreds. Vietnamese and Chinese have fought wars. Koreans and Japanese dont like each other. Japanese raped women in Nanking, China. Thais hate the Khmers and both hate the Burmese due to their history. For instance, it is easier to get a Permanent Residence in Japan for a white man than for a man with mixed Japanese and Korean ancestry. The same is true of Korea.
Anonymous, can you dispute the data? Ad hominems won't change the data.Furthermore, 25-34 year old U.S.-raised APIAs have an even higher rates of marriage, 70% for men and 64% for women.APIA men have the highest rate of marriage compared to all races and genders and U.S.-raised 25-34 year old APIA men have even higher rates of marriage at 70%.So the online perception of IR APIA marriage is different from the reality.
To answer your question on Asians in America, yes it does exist especially among the FOBs and the first generation Asian American but I believe inter-ethnic marriages are increasing, and those hatreds would die out here, although not among the new immigrants and FOBs.
In case anyone missed it, the new data from Asian-Nation shows that there is a 12% IR marriage disparity between married APIA men and women: 10% for men, 22% for women.The disparity is smaller among U.S.-raised APIAs (1.5 and 2nd generation), 10%: 40% for men, 50% for women.APIA men are married at a higher rate than any other race or gender/race combination and they are married to Asian women 90% of the time.U.S.-raised married APIA men are married to Asian women, 60%, and white women, 30%. U.S.-raised married APIA women are married to APIA men, 50%, and white men 40%.
I understand some of those historical conflicts and they occur everywhere. I've experienced some of the Sing attitudes (don't be Malay or Tamil in Singapore!) Do you think that that 'looking down' attitude (i.e. Sing Chinese looking down on Filipinas) contributes to AA women looking down on AA men? It seems a pretty small jump to go from dissing fellow Asians because of what 'type' of Asian they are to dissing (almost) all AAs simply because they are 'Asian'?Using the same logic that it is unlikely that sisters are raised differently than their brothers, if the men hold these dismissive views why wouldn't their sisters have been taught the same thing?To the women, did you find a big difference between how your brothers were reared and you were reared? Was there a big gender double standard?
U.S.-raised married APIA men are married to:60% Asian30% white5% Latino4% mixed1% blackU.S.-raised married APIA women are married to:50% Asian40% white4% Latino3% mixed2% black
U.S. marriage rates ages 15 and older (2006 U.S. Census--ACS)58.2% APIA men57.8% APIA women55% white men51.5% white women48.5% Latino men46.6% Latina women40.1% Native American men38.6% Native American women34.9% black men27.1% black women
Hey guys, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I have better things to do than comment on the Hyphen blog all day long. Don't you guys have jobs? Or maybe that's why you're on here commenting all the time -- you have jobs you don't like very much.Though I must say it really turns me off to see someone calling women bitches, (even if it's directed at sell-out Asian women). Calling women bitches, blaming the *whole* problem on women, that’s some extremely hostile behavior to me. And I realize not all the posters on this thread are doing that, but why bother dealing with someone who is that hostile towards women?OK, so I did overlook the stats with couples living together (but not married) when I put up the AsianNation link. There are definitely certain ethnicities dating out to whites more than others. But I still think the problem is a tad exaggerated. It’s kind of like how the evening news only reports bad news. No one takes out the time to talk about positive news. You just talk about the bad stuff cause it’s more dramatic. Not to downplay the concerns you have. Just saying, you guys are acting a little like the evening news.CCBT, I don’t think making whites a minority is going to solve the racism problem. As if white people were the only people who are racist. I’ve experienced racism from not just white people, but blacks too. And Asians are pretty darn racist themselves. That’s perhaps one reason why you see Asians dating mostly whites when they date out of their race. They look down on blacks, Latinos and Arabs. And they look down on Asians outside of their own ethnicities. Immigrants bring over their hatreds with them from their mother countries. I agree with Sakamoto that in many cases, Asian parents would rather see their children date whites than other Asians if it’s outside their specific ethnicity. This is what they teach their kids. So there is definitely some learned racism IMO.Has anyone talked about higher education yet? (If you have, I’ve missed it.) Not all Asian Americans are highly educated, of course, but let’s look at the ethnicities that are dating white guys the most. They are East Asian. (Japanese being the highest group to date out). East Asians who come to this country are usually highly educated and continue to pursue higher education. And who is in higher education? Other East Asians and whites. Not that many Latinos and blacks. Unless you’re at a UC (that’s University of California for those of you non-Californians), you’re surrounded by white people, so that’s who you’re going to date. An Asian friend of mine grew up in a town on the east coast that was about 90 percent white. He said it didn’t even occur to him to expect to see other people besides white people. Who did he date? White girls. People go with what you're used to/comfortable with. And unless they grow their own brains, they probably absorb their parents racist ideas.
Eddy Grant, you pose a good question "To the women, did you find a big difference between how your brothers were reared and you were reared? Was there a big gender double standard?"Personally, there was not for me, though I know this is not the case for other female Asian friends of mine. My parents are racist and homophobic, but not sexist. Ha ha. They are first generation, but my mom is pretty much a feminist, though I don't know if she would call herself that. But I'd be willing to bet that many immigrant families still operate under traditional gender roles. And your parents' relationship is probably a model (however bad or good) of how you grow up thinking relationships should be. If you're a guy and your mom dotes on your every move and you mom also caters to your dad, then perhaps you grow up thinking that's what women should do.Also, another thought: notice how American society treats Asians as sort of like whites? It's that model minority myth at work. You don't even read about us in the paper. Whenever there are medical studies or marketing surveys, it's just whites, blacks and latinos, because it's assumed that Asian people are like white people.
(I should say treat Asians as sort of like whites when it's convenient to.)
Well, I can't speak for everyone else but I have a job where I work smarter, not harder. If you must know, I'm a bond trader and hedgefund manager who's day is hectic in the morning but is very relaxed in the afternoon where I have most of my time.I came across this older article written in 2000 but still believe it's recent enough to be relevant.http://www.asianweek.com/2000_02_03/feature_asianmale.htmlAsian men and women need to learn compromise but it seems that no one wants to be the one to extend the first gesture. The first part is to acknowledge that there is a indeed a real rift between the genders. While Asian women do have a point of issue with sexism when it comes to Asian men (a recent article with Grace Park from Battlestar Galactica confirms it), Asian women have to understand that what they do and how they're seen in interracial relationships does indeed affect the morale and self confidence in Asian men.What's sad is that the more confidence Asian men lack, the more Asian women will go to white men. Also, white men will also see this and be that much more confident with Asian women. To make it sound ugly, what needs to happen is that Asian American men and women need to destroy the confidence of white men.You gotta give to get, people. Nothing is free in this world.I think we should stay away from discussions that don't really reflect Asian Americans such as overseas Asians.
1.) Why do we even keep talking as if the problem is solely with the disparity? While it may be one of the concerns, it's not the only one. The main concern is why there is a huge interracial marriage with whites in the first place?The better question is why Asian Americans don't marry each other like other minorities.See, I don't buy the stupid "colorblind" argument either and whoever trumps up that point is a goddamn fool. The only people that benefit from colorblindness are whites since they're the only ones that have the ability to ignore race, minorities don't. Also, if we're all blind to color, why even Asian Americans even bother with community activism in the first place?Just the idea that we have activism in the first place is to prove that there is social inequality, why should marriage be any different?The last point is that when you have a higher interracial marriage rate in a minority community, it dilutes your social power and control. If you take a look as history, ever since group of people who have had such a large outmarriage rate into a dominant culture has been scattered into the wind. Every culture that looks out for it's own has always consolidate and gained power.The phrase "if we can't kick them out, we'll breed them out" couldn't be more true.See, this used to bother me because Asian America had the potential to replace whites as the elite in this country but as time goes on, Asian Americans don't deserve it because they can't approach the world in a realistic fashion.Another question is, why are we so willing to give whites the benefit of the doubt?
I totally second what girlfriend said.But, to quote the above linked article, this is an example of what I think might be a misreading of basic dating:"But that wasn’t the last disastrous date with an Asian woman. Last summer, Chow went out with another Chinese woman who told him she didn’t want to continue the relationship because he was too quiet.“I was quiet growing up, but once I got to college I gained more confidence,” Chow says. “I was wondering if it was just an excuse. Her last boyfriend was white and I thought she turned me down because she prefers white men.”Now, last I checked, there's nothing wrong with breaking up with someone if you find them too quiet. While some cultures may cultivate quietness, there are plenty of people of other ethnicities that quiet too. Boys, girls, white, Asian, latino, black--lots of quiet people out there! Are they fun to date? You tell me. Nothing like being the one to ask all the questions in a conversation and hearing pins drop. Possibly, Chow hadn't addressed his quietness like he thought he did. And the whole part about not being funny? Funny is funny, and funny is fun.Those particular points strangely sound like that 'bad boy vs. nice boy' debate that I hear some men (in general--not ethnically specific) gripe about.Anyway, last comment on this thread. Over and out.
I love how you only managed to extrapolate one point out of an entire article and focus specifically on that to convey a dismissive attitude.It's that called a Strawman Argument?
okay, i'm going to comment again. because it wasn't like i just 'managed' to extrapolate one point. i HIGHLIGHTED one point that i thought was interesting, and indicative of what i think is a possibly skewed perspective through the lens of oversensitivity. yes, i read the article, and it sounds a lot like all of the perspectives we hear frequently, so i thought it safe to skip to that exemplifies a point that i would like to make. i believe in an earlier comment i said that yes, i do know that the masculinity of men is an issue. i also think, however, that _some_ things have to do with the dating game, over race, and discerning where this might be is important.not related to dating but related, one time i was at a train station and a young black man asked me if he could have a cigarette. i said no. his response was, "it's because i'm black, huh." i said, "of course not. cigarettes are expensive, and i'm tired of handing one out to just anyone that asks for one." of course, in that interaction, i wasn't negating the fact that black people face discrimination.ok. last comment for real. and no, i'm not tucking tail.
"CCBT, I don’t think making whites a minority is going to solve the racism problem. As if white people were the only people who are racist. I’ve experienced racism from not just white people, but blacks too. And Asians are pretty darn racist themselves. That’s perhaps one reason why you see Asians dating mostly whites when they date out of their race. They look down on blacks, Latinos and Arabs. And they look down on Asians outside of their own ethnicities. Immigrants bring over their hatreds with them from their mother countries. I agree with Sakamoto that in many cases, Asian parents would rather see their children date whites than other Asians if it’s outside their specific ethnicity. This is what they teach their kids. So there is definitely some learned racism IMO."I agree completely with most of what you say, but you overlook one thing, Asians, blacks and Hispanics cannot act on their racism like the whites can because the latter have power. And why do the latter have power, because they are a majority. Make them a minority and they will probably become more bitter and racist, but they wont have the same power as they have today, because they will be the same as other minorities, unless of course minorities continue to worship whites."Has anyone talked about higher education yet? (If you have, I’ve missed it.) Not all Asian Americans are highly educated, of course, but let’s look at the ethnicities that are dating white guys the most. They are East Asian. (Japanese being the highest group to date out). East Asians who come to this country are usually highly educated and continue to pursue higher education. And who is in higher education? Other East Asians and whites."South Asians as well, particularly Indians."Unless you’re at a UC (that’s University of California for those of you non-Californians), you’re surrounded by white people, so that’s who you’re going to date. An Asian friend of mine grew up in a town on the east coast that was about 90 percent white. He said it didn’t even occur to him to expect to see other people besides white people. Who did he date? White girls. People go with what you're used to/comfortable with. And unless they grow their own brains, they probably absorb their parents racist ideas."Still an Asian guy dating a white woman is a rarity. Most white women will not date non-white men.
"Also, another thought: notice how American society treats Asians as sort of like whites? It's that model minority myth at work. You don't even read about us in the paper. Whenever there are medical studies or marketing surveys, it's just whites, blacks and latinos, because it's assumed that Asian people are like white people."Depends on the skin shade. If it is dark they would treat you like black. However, it has its advantages. South Asians like me who are very dark skinned are rarely stopped at the airports here in the US, because they think I am African American.
"See, this used to bother me because Asian America had the potential to replace whites as the elite in this country..."I didn't realize that the point was Asian domination in America. That would still mean social inequality.
"I think we should stay away from discussions that don't really reflect Asian Americans such as overseas Asians."You cannot because every year we get close to 300,000 Asians coming into this country as immigrants and another 200,000 coming in as students, perhaps more. They are part of the American fabric.
Honestly, Shower, I think it's hierarchical, Confucian, socially ordered thinking. Look at how men and women marry the same races in the same order. Asian, then white, then Latino, mixed and black.
What I've noticed in my limited experience is that Asian Americans in the arts tend to be more likely to be dating outside of their race. So if you are an artist, I would probably assume your boyfriend was white. If you worked a normal 9-5 job or had a more traditional career, I'd probably assume he was Asian. This tends to be more accurate for Asian American women, but I find it common in the men too.I don't think it is an issue of geography since I have lived in NYC and LA and it is the same on both coasts.
I've always found this topic to be of interest. For the straight world, I wouldn't assume an asian-american woman would be dating a white man. But then again I'm not straight.To answer your second question, I think the gay SF community is also diverse enough for asians to date asians and whites (as well as latinos and blacks).Here's a GAY blog that touches on these topics . . .www.urbanrice.org
lisamac: I think your friend's comment says more about his knowledge of the SF Bay Area -- or lack thereof -- than it does about dating in our community. Our area is a big melting pot: I see Asian American women dating whites, Asians, hapas, African-Americans...
I understand your point but I still think you're trying to point out something that has very little to do with the actual problem. It seems that while it could be a non-racial factor, it's rarely the reason.Almost every Asian man knows at least one Asian female that fits into the racist group.
I live in San Francisco and I have noticed that although many Asian women date outside their race, a majority do date Asian men. I have been living in San Francisco for 5 years now and have only gone on a date with one white guy while dating several Asians.
I'd rather not seriously get into this and save any real rebuttal bullets for my own xanga entry ( instead of wasting it here on a little comment box ), but I'd like to say all men prefer skinny girls over fat girls in general, but it's not so much an issue that would deter us from dating non-skinny girls, so you can eliminate that theory right off the bat.Your other few points make sense, but we can easily point out that Asian girls like you ( and there's nothing wrong with Asian girls like you, let's get that clear ) give white guys a serious handicap and we've got enough pride not to chase after chicks that generally think we're losers. If an Asian girl thinks white guys are hot, that's her thing, but don't drag us into it thinking we'll get on our knees crying " please take us! We'll work twice as hard as that white guy ". After all, would you want a guy that had a personal prejudice ( or as it's like to be called " preference " ) against Asian girls? No, right? You'd walk away and go after the next fish in the pond, right? So that's why we do what we do.And besides, we've got two nice ponds to dip into before we subject to ourselves to second-rate status:1.) Fob girls love us and not necessarily for our passports either. It's nice to be with a girl who generally gives us a chance, listens to us, laughs at our jokes, and looks better than the girls here in the first place. No, this isn't the whole weight issue thing. Again, who would you choose from our point of view, someone who's not as good looking AND mean to you, or someone who's better looking AND nice to you? True, there's going to be sacrifices like being pressured to import their whole family from Cambodia or Guangzhou or whatever, and they won't necessarily understand my Star Wars jokes, but again I ask: so-so looking girl ( probably taller than 5'7" ) who thinks Asian guys are second class to white guys, or, hot looking girl under 5'3" spinner who loves Asian-American guys ( and who's better in bed, yes, I speak from experience )?2.) Non-Asian girls love us, particularly Latina girls who can take me salsa dancing every Saturday night. Same logic as the fob girls, do we choose girls who don't give a rat's ass about us or do we go after the white/latina/black chicks that thinks Asian guys are awesome? Latina chicks are particularly worth the time invested because they're aggressive, passionate, fun, and seriously into trying a relationship ( to an unhealthy extent...:: nervous laugh :: ).So you gals can have the white guys, we've got other boats to ride on. That kind of stuff used to piss me off until I got real with myself and started seeing all the good things out there waiting for me. Asian-American/Canadian girls are overrated. Sorry. It's not because you gals are Asian, or because you gals are a bit fat ( not really, but then again I live in Texas so my idea of fat is skewed )...it's because we've never been seriously wanted and that's the biggest turn-off ever.Take care of yourself and your dream white guy.Sincerely,An Asian brother living in North America
Sorry. That was addressed to Julie Chen.
I lived in the bay area for 7 years or so and would have assumed the exact same thing. I don't think that this is different for New York either. Conversely, I would say that if an asian guy said he had a girlfriend I would assume she is asian. Statistically, this is realistic according to most studies and census counts ..
Well, I too am a woman of a japanese and mixed caucasian background and I happen to live on oahu. Due to the fact that people here in my home town are not of a specific race/ethnicity, (majority of us tend to be of more than one nationality) nobody tends to stereotype against the other. I believe that by catagorizing people by either their race or gender is quite horrid since no specific race is 'superior' or 'inferior' to another. So yes, by assuming the partner of a person is of a certain gender is just as bad as saying a certain race is 'lower class'.
In response to Melissa's comment-In an ideal world, race and gender wouldn't be issues. However, in our society, which is far from ideal, race, gender, sexuality, etc. DO matter. Not every place in the world is Hawaii, the only state that has an Asian majority population. Being japanese/filipino myself, but living in the Bay Area, I see exactly what the dude (that the writer talks about) says. I do see a gender disparity in the Asian-American dating scene, where AA women increasingly prefer to date interracially than to date AA men. Anyone who denies this is blind. That said, I also believe that anyone should be able to date whomever they see fit, which is why I don't waste too much of my energy railing on these issues.
I posted back on the 8/19 and I thought the post was dead. I just checked and this guy can said something about Popeye and my Am as I Am. I didn't really get it, but then he didn't either so I guess we're even. Anywhite, I am a white male from Texas and everybody generally hates white males so I am used to it. I was just curious what other people thought so I read the post. My family would definitely prefer me to date white girls just like all the races. There's no difference here. I just don't know why everybody is so mad about it. That's fine, it's just a factor if you want to date another race. Oh well, peace and love and I hope you all find your true love.
To finish my thought, IOW, it's the same order APIA parents and grandparents would have chosen.
I agree with Tim T, the above poster. I am an Asian American male in New York City. Most people here will tell you that an Asian Man/Causasian Woman couple will always turn heads. They are so rare... you can literally go days, if not weeks, without seeing one. If generalizations are fit to be made from my own observations, Asian American women prefer dating white men. It's neither here not there what I think about this, but I can tell you that this is a generalization that is widely accepted as truth in my peer community.
I posted back on the 8/19 and I thought the post was dead. I just checked and this guy Ken (on I think 8/22/07) said something about Popeye and my Am as I Am post. I didn't really get it, but then he didn't really get it either so I guess we're both even. Anywhite, I am a white male from Texas and everybody generally hates white males so I am used to it. I was just curious what other people thought so I read the post. My family would definitely prefer me to date white girls just like all the races. There's no difference here. I just don't know why everybody is so mad about it. That's fine, it's just a factor if you want to date another race. Oh well, peace and love and I hope you all find your true love. Oh, I am covering my face in case I receive another Popeye blast or who knows what other kind of blast from him or maybe some other person.
Hey, it's Jesse again (WM). I went back and read some more posts but they are way too long to read all of them. I saw where Sakamoto and VC were slamming all over white people, but as I said we are all used to it. White people HAVE to shut up and not voice their opinion. All races are pretty much racist, it's just easier to see in other races besides your own. It's really an issue of individuals having pride and seeing through the eyes of their ownselves, and of course, everybody thinks they are the best. I've always known that everybody wanted to take over and get rid of the white race. Not really, they just want to be on top.
There's a concept in interest theory called the effective rate of interest - the overall rate of interest in a given time period, taking into account the effects of compounding. For example, if the rate of interest on a loan is 2.25% per quarter, the effective annual rate of interest is (1.0225)^4 - 1 = 9.31%. In a similar spirit, I define the effective fertility rate of Asian women as their actual fertility rate, taking into account the effects of miscegenation. I'm asking the question, "on average, how many Asian children do Asian women have?"In 2004, the Census Bureau published a report on the fertility patterns of American women, with breakdowns by education level, race, marital status, and other variables. The report stated that Asian women 40-44 years of age had averaged 1.92 children born, and because so few women give birth after age 45, 1.92 is a good proxy for the fertility rate of Asian women. Already, this is below that needed to sustain a population (2.10).Now add interracial marriage as a factor. We could use the overall figures for each of the ethnicities: 13.3% for Chinese women, 34% for Filipino women, 41.2% for Japanese women, 27.4% for Korean women, and 10.3% for Vietnamese women. However, in the long run, the relevant statistics are those for Asian women raised in a U.S. cultural context. Asian-Nation's data for U.S.-raised Asian women: 33.5% for Chinese, 52.1% for Filipinos, 31.6% for Japanese, 51.9% for Koreans, and 25.8% for Vietnamese. We could also use this table, which is for young (25-34) U.S.-raised Asian women. For 2nd-gen+ women: Chinese 44.7%, Filipinos 61.8%, Japanese 47.7%, Koreans 50.3%, Vietnamese 24.8%. Using the 2000 Census data shown here to estimate weights for each group, I conclude that approximately 48% of young, married, American-born Asian women are with a man outside their race, and that's being generous by assuming that marriages to hapas are same-race marriages.It's dangerous to go from marriage statistics to birth statistics, as it's easily possible that AF/AM couples have more or less children than AF/WM couples, among other complications. It's also likely that young, 2nd-generation Asian women are having fewer children than their parents did, meaning that the fertility rate of 1.92 cited above should not be used. But content on making the roughest of estimates, I proceed from a non-Asian marriage rate of 48% to a non-Asian birth rate of 48%; that is, 48% of the children born to these women are multiracial. That makes the effective fertility rate, or the number of Asian children born per Asian woman, 1.92 * (100% - 48%) = 1.00. That would be the lowest in the world, aside from the Hong Kong SAR. It is less than half that needed to sustain a population. Only in the context of continued immigration, or infinite lifespans, could such a people survive. Could immigration continue indefinitely? No, because all East Asian countries except for North Korea and Mongolia have below-replacement fertility rates themselves.Put simply, our current path guarantees our eventual disappearance from the United States and, in fact, from all Western nations. Certainly, times change, and in the decades to follow interracial marriage rates could decline drastically. They could also go up even more. The percentage of the population that is Asian will still be increasing for the foreseeable future, and that's one reason to believe that rates will decline, but the book Asian American X stated in its opening pages that interracial marriage rates are significantly higher for the third generation than for the second generation. If this is true, the effective fertility rate should decrease over time, as more and more remaining Asians are from the third or subsequent generations. Another possibility is that marriages to mixed-race Asians will cut into the interracial marriage rate, but there's little to say about that -- it may happen, it may not happen, it may cut into the intraracial marriage rate instead. Finally, it's possible that Amish-like Asian communities will emerge (Amish-like in that they separate themselves from the rest of society), or that after many generations pass, the Asians who survive will be selected for conservative, ethnocentric attitudes, and will thus be very unlikely to intermarry. Either possibility could be sufficient to prevent us from being wiped out, but neither would maintain us in large numbers, or elevate us from the marginal social status we occupy today.When Asian males speak out against interracial marriage, they usually refer to the gender disparity, and to their losing the most desirable of their women. To them, it's a power/status thing, but that's only one aspect of the problem. More importantly, this is about the very survival of a people, and the data tell us we're losing, badly.The Asian American community can barely sustain itself and if the US every decided to close it's borders, Asian Americans would disappear in a few generations. As harsh as it sounds, Asian women would be the cause of a destruction of a community.
I'm an AA woman living in SF. And I would never assume that your boyfriend was white. Where straight people are concerned, I see lots of AM/AF couples. And while it's true that I see more AF/WM couples than other combinations when an Asian women dates outside her race, I don't think it's rare to see AM/WW couples. I also see BM/AF couples. The only combo I don't see much of is AM/BF. Among my friends, I see a lot of inter-Asian dating.
"The Asian American community can barely sustain itself and if the US every decided to close it's borders, Asian Americans would disappear in a few generations. As harsh as it sounds, Asian women would be the cause of a destruction of a community."If the US closes its borders Asian government will unload the US debt and we will all be living in the caves like the Germans and other whites used to live before Julius Ceaser civilized them.
I think there are differences between the east and west coast simply on the basis of demographics. And of course one would suspect similar variances between north and south and the 'coasts' and the 'heartlands'.Larger concentration of asians on the west coast makes it 'eaiser' for AA women to date AA men. That said, all the data i've seen (and the people i've seen) indicates that AA women tend to date first AA men and second (and a big percentage!) W men. Those with a prefernece for W men are much more fixated and vocal about it. A cruise thru CL's W4M section will probably back this up. At times it makes me look askance at AA women 'complaining' about "yellow fever" in WM since there seems to be a pretty bad case of "snow blindness" in many AA women.AA men tend to date AA women and (a very distant) second W women. Neither W or M of the East Asian 'variety' tend to date B men or women. In that mix I see more SE asians than anything else. Latino men and women are harder to discern as there are both W and non-W Latinos so you can't always be sure.As for my 'assumption' should you mention your boyfriend - if you seemed very 'suburbanite American', then I would assume a W Man; if I knew you worked at Hyphen then I would assume an AA man; if you presented that 'liberal college woman' thing who wanted to be properly 'understood' (and there is nothing wrong with being understood!!) then I would bet strong on your BF being a W man as the common argument is that "he gets it" better than most AA men - or so I have heard. I often wonder if these women that posit the "gets it" thing have brothers and why their brothers don't 'get it' if they've 'gotten it'? Why did 'it' miss the males in their house?If you are South Asian then I would assume either a SA man or a W man.I would not assume a B or clearly Latino man in any scenario.
I am so sick of this subject. Look at the numbers. Most Asian American Women date Asian American men. Most Asian American Women marry Asian American men. Yes i understand White is beautiful in this country, white equals wealth and power in America. Colonial nostalgia still exits and with that unequal power dynamics over sex, money and power. Yes i am aware of this, yes i agree more Asian American women date white men than Asian American men date white women. But this is still a minority of the cases. Most Asian Americans date and marry each other especially in areas with relatively high concentrations of Asian Ams. I am sure in communities with only like 1% is Asian Am, the case is different. But back to the bay are example. It totally depends on where you live in the Bay Area. Maybe in the mission or the marina, pac heights or downtown in sf or Walnut creek, dubin orinda, you c a lot of asian girls with white guys.But go the the richmond, the sunset go to daly city, go to oakland, milpitas, , hayward and more integrated parts etc. If you go outside the bubble of these white dominate areas, all you will c is Asian American couples. Have any of u SF folk even been to the great mall for gods sake?! have u ever been to Cupertino? What kind of couples do you see there? Go take a trip. The bay extends past SF. South Bay represent!
To all you Asian American women who only date white men, and will not date an Asian American man (and probably a latino or black one either), y'all are self haters and you have turned your back on your people! It shows how weak spirited u are that u need a white guy to prove ur value and or acceptance in this country. Just pathetic, you are the white mans whore! But to all you ppl who view an individual for their soul and values and not the color of their skin, much love to you. We gotta stop using each other to fill our insecurities, fears, emotional voids, obsessions and fantasies. Lastly, yo all u Asian American men out there who use the excuse of not approaching a girl u like cause u think she only likes white guys or does not date Asian guys, give yourself more credit! U gotta be brave to get what u want in life. DO NOT believe the white man’s hype! We are strong and beautiful! Plus any worthwhile woman would not judge u on the color of your skin, any worthwhile woman would judge you for u are and not what u look like. Stop using that bullshit as a crutch and an excuse not to get what u want and deserve in life!
I think you're referring to China and I think that China would want to keep people away from the US.At any rate, China isn't going to unload all it's bonds and bankrupt the US as it'll destroy their own economy as well.However, the US has every right to close their borders if they want. Every country can do whatever it wishes and currently, most conversative white Americans support the idea.I believe Sakamoto had the right idea. Asian American men should just give up and go back to Asia. It seems that they'll be appraciated over there.The fact of the matter is that Asian American women no longer need us or treat us as runnerup prizes after they've been rejected by white men or already cut loose with them and want to "settle" down. Asian guys are natural born suckers or as they say in the player community, "Average Fustrated Chumps."Wake up, Asian guys.
There's a considerable disparity between the rate of Asian male - White female relationships and that of Asian female - White male.Asian men have often been considered "least desirable" for various reasons.Things are changing though. Nowadays, Asian guys dating and marrying "exogamously" are not that unusual anymore.
"However, the US has every right to close their borders if they want. Every country can do whatever it wishes and currently, most conversative white Americans support the idea."Look. I am an economist. It wont work. I have to disagree with you. Too much interdependence. Perhaps conservative white Americans are more concerned with racial suicide than economic suicide. However, let us face it. None of them will pick fruits, and the courts even this reactionary supreme court will not approve as constitutional any attempts to shut off one group of people or the other. Too much at stake here regarding the economics. So, in this regard you have it all wrong. White Americans will be living in the caves. Even eighty years closing off the borders created the Great Depression, and it is not going to happen.
The above poster enough writes, I am so sick of this subject. Look at the numbers. Most Asian American Women date Asian American men. Most Asian American Women marry Asian American men.I think you should look at the numbers and examine them yourself. Leave aside recent imigrants who arrived after the age of 13. The most recent US Census data suggests that among the 1.5 generation, the ratio of Asian women in an interracial marriages to those married to other Asians is 1:1. The percentage of Asian women in interracial marriage is, across the board on all ethnic groups, 10-20% higher than that of Asian men. I don't know of the figures for 2nd generation Asian Americans, but I would guess that the percentage gap is bigger. (I could be wrong on this, but I am second generation and I am hard pressed to name more than two Asian-Asian marriages among my group of friends and acquaintances.)In the New York area, I do indeed find a higher prevalence of Asian-Asian couples in the Asian immigrant communities of Flushing, Sunset Park, Chinatown, Fort Lee, and so on. But elsewhere this is certainly not the case. Put crassly -- if I observe an Asian American women speaking fluent English, I assume it to be the case that she prefers to date non-Asians. I'm not trying to hate on anyone (I've dated as many non-Asians as I have Asians) -- it's just that I dislike when people make statements like the one that the above poster made without qualifying the nuances of the numbers between recent immigrants and those who are US-raised.
I'm going to have to agree with Tim T.When you observe Asian couples, there is a very strong indication that both these Asians are either recent immigrants or at least the woman is.The fact of the matter is that both 1.5 and 2nd generation Asian American women are marrying out at almost 50%. Of all Asian women, immigrant or otherwise, 30% of them are involved with a white male.Those figures are huge considering the next largest group to outmarry are black men at 10%. Asian men outmarry at around 9%.It's gotten so "bad" than when I meet an Asian American woman who was born here and is involved with someone, there is a very high chance that her husband or boyfriend is white. Among some groups such as Korean American women, they are more likely to have a white mate than Asian.Statistics can be abused but they don't really lie. The boom in Asian American growth is only spurred on by recent immigrants from Asia. There was a study, name escapes me at the moment, that if the US government were to cease all immigration from Asia, the Asian community would remain stagnant or even wipe itself out in a few generations due to the high outmarriage rate of Asian American women.A perfect example are American Jews. Their outmarriage rate is currently 55% and the population has declined over the past few decades.They are, in essence, being bred out.
Oh, one more thing...The reason why the interracial dating and marriage rate for Asian women is so high is because of the aggressiveness of both Asian women and white men to date each other. For the most part, Asian women and white men have a fetish for each other which white women and Asian men do not. I've gone out with many non-Asian women before and they all had the same mentality before they dated me in that they've held out for someone of their race until they gave up because it took too long to find a match. In essence, other women believe in a slight superiority of their own men, Asian women do not have this belief. Actually, we're considered inferior to white men in all respects. It doesn't matter if it's based on their real life experiences or if they've been influenced by Western media. We've become interchangeable because white men are able to follow and teach Asian culture just as much as Asian men.Asian men are 2nd class to white men in their eyes.The fact of the matter is that Asian women have become the most suckered demographic in believing how awesome "interracial dating" and "assimilation" are when, in actuality, these two subjects benefit white men the most. Had no one been dating white men or white men felt they were "losing" in the interracial dating game, they'd be the first ones to protest interracial dating. Also, dimwitted minorities are the ones who believe assimilation was created to destroy any type of cultural uniqueness to Asians and Latinos and replaced by the generic American culture which is "white" culture.There are just so many social ramifications that come from Asian women dating/marrying out such as promotion of the emasculated Asian male. Hell, who cares? As long as they get to date and marry white men, all is good in the world for them. They "made" it in this country.Tim T's census information is correct in that for every Asian American woman with an Asian American man, there is an Asian American woman with a white man. It matches the idea that 50% of Asian American woman are with white men.Hey, I'm not bitter. I'm currently with a white woman because I couldn't find an Asian woman because they were too busy chasing the ubermenshen white man. I figure that if Asian women are going to contribute to white superiority, I might as well help hasten that belief.
"Also, dimwitted minorities are the ones who believe assimilation was created to destroy any type of cultural uniqueness to Asians and Latinos and replaced by the generic American culture which is "white" culture."-should read-Also, dimwitted minorities are the ones who believe assimilation is good when, in actuality, it was created to destroy any type of cultural uniqueness to Asians and Latinos and replaced by the generic American culture which is "white" culture.

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