(In fact, let that be my refrain today, this year, and for the rest of my life. Sure we planned to torture our prisoners ... and then did ... but at least we're not as bad as the Chinese! Sure, we ignore the rise of AIDS among women and poor people and minorities ... but at least we're not as bad as the Chinese! Sure, our internal displacement and homelessness problem just marches on and on ... but at least we're not as bad as the Chinese! [Actually, in hard numbers and per capita, we still beat their homeless problem with a stick, but whatever.])

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, we Americans are destroying the Earth, but the Chinese are destroying the Earth MORE and we can't control them, so we might as well just go on ahead with what we're doing and screw Earth Day. Or something. Right? Am I right?

I mean, give the Chinese an inch, and they'll take a li. Look at Secretary of Commerce Gary Locke. Sure, sure, he's Chinese American now, but it turns out his grandfather lied to get into the country. A paper son, he was: that means no papers, dude. That means he was an undocumented immigrant, which is bullshit for illegal! And now this illegal grandson is controlling our commerce? Is that really a good idea? And is it good for the environment? I mean, think about how much electricity will be wasted in flaming left-wing blogs about this! I bet you could power Poughkeepsie for two whole hours with that energy!

But there are worser environmental problems with illegal people. Indian American immigration adjudicator Hasmukh Patel was just convicted of "conspiring to encourage and induce aliens to come to and reside in the United States." And really, that's behavior that we just can't accept. Of course, it's his job to let aliens in, but only legal aliens. He doesn't get to take bribes to do it, only salary. He's rightfully up for 49 years in prison for doing this to us (and he is, he's doing it to all of us.) Just think of all the jet fuel wasted bringing those people over when we're now just gonna have to send them back again! That's, like, super bad for the environment!

Fortune(500)ately, some people are recycling. Indra Nooyi is evergreen as a near-the-top (but never top) entry on most-powerful-woman lists. Now, if they could just get a handle on the "reduce, reuse" part. Which makes me also wonder: does Obama have an Indian fetish -- is he maybe a wannadesi -- or is there some sort of sustainability angle in his hiring so many subcontinentals? Making Aneesh Chopra his tech czar (or is it "tech raj"?) and Vivek Kundra his info raj (what's the diff again?) is being spun as a cost-cutting measure ... by somebody anyway. Less wasteful ... or environmentally sound? His appointment of Rajiv Shah to underraj of Agro (not aggro) tilts us towards the latter: this dude is hella goody-two-shoes and all about poor people and, as we all, know, poor people are sustainable.

Other sustainable measures: 1) hiring Iranian American Afshin Qotbi to coach the Iranian soccer team, which is a jet-fuel-saving measure. Now, he doesn't have to fly to Iran twice a year to see family or go on a roots search because he's already there. 2) Making these Manny Pacquiao bobble head dolls, so that people didn't have to travel all the way to San Francisco to see his head! (Saves on gas and beer.) 3) If Iranian and Korean American journalists insist on traveling to country of origin to journal, keep them there on pretext of spying (another jet-fuel saving measure), and prevent them from writing (which saves electricity and bandwidth.) If this seemed like yet another incomprehensible step from some axes of evil, know now that it is about the environment.

But what I really wanna know on Earth Day is how Ming-Na playing a lesbian on the new Stargate show affects the environment. They're really glossing that over, aren't they? I've heard nothing (NOTHING!) about the amount or type of energy it takes to power stargates: is stargate technology really sustainable, and should the LGBT community really be implicitly promoting it like that?