How to spot an Asianpile

May 1, 2005

Have you ever started dating people just to find out later that the main reason they’re interested in you is that you’re of the Asian persuasion? We have. And it made us feel icky. In an effort to save you from the same fate, we’ve pulled together a list of a few warning signs.


2. Greets you with an Asian salutation.

3. Admires the silken quality of your skin.

4. Refers to previous girlfriends of the same ethnicity as you.

5. Explains the spiritual significance of her Asian tattoo to you.

6. Owns several nicely framed posters of Bruce Lee.

7. Has catalogued the virtues of Chinese vs. Japanese vs. Korean girls.

8. Wears chopsticks in her hair on your first date and a bindi from Urban
Outfitters on your second.

9. Has photo of self in traditional Asian clothing, in an Asian village
surrounded by Asian children.

10. Claims to be an expert in tantric sex and references the Kama Sutra
in regular conversation.

11. Orders sushi and sake for you in Japanese.

12. Joins the Tinikling dance in the annual PCN and asks to be your partner.

13. Talks about how she found her “true self” while backpacking through India.

14. Attends yoga or tae kwon do class five times a week.

15. Claims to “just like petite women. With dark hair. and dark eyes.”

16. Loves any film made by Wong Kar Wai.

17. Says he’s heard that “Korean girls are wild in bed.”

18. Quotes the Newsweek article “Why Asian Guys are on a Roll.”

19. Has dated really unattractive Asians.

20. Asks you for an Oriental massage

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