Are You A Bitter Asian Man?

July 13, 2005

Hello. Very busy. Going out of town for work. But thought I'd leave you with these fine links:

It was only a matter of time before there would be a site like this: Bitter Asian Men Why are they so bitter? Cause white girls AND asian girls won't date them. Probably doesn't help when Jackie Chan says white guys should marry Chinese women in order to spread Chinese culture. Huh? Wow, that is whack.
Bitter Asian Men, I want you to know there are Asian women out there who date Asian men. I don't know what's up with Asian women who won't date Asian men. Hey, it's their loss. More Asian men for me!

Here's a cover story on Tom Shimura (you may know him as rapper Lyrics Born) in the East Bay Express.

And Asian kids, stop emailing Andrew Lam to ask him to help with your homework about his short stories. Lam ruminates on the cultural reasons they're writing in. An excerpt: "I find it curious that many Asian American entrants, even those with a perfect command of English, don't use the first- person narrative. The word "I" doesn't appear on the page, leaving writers to struggle with the awkward "one," even when addressing issues within their own families."


Melissa Hung

Founding Editor

Melissa Hung is the founding editor of Hyphen. She was the editor in chief for the magazine's first five years and went on to serve in many other leadership roles on the staff and board for more than a decade. She is a writer and freelance journalist. Her essays and reported stories have appeared in NPR, Vogue, Pacific Standard, Longreads, and Catapult, among others. A native Texan, she lives in California. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.



"all asians should take pride in their heritage....the rich culture, the thousands of years of history...all the good stuff..." zhou , i agree with u ! i support u !!! in no case shoud i will give up my cultural heritage !!!asian is my origin , china is my homland !!
Hi everybody,I´m Thai and I live in Germany! When I was 6 years old I moved from Thailand to Germany. It was kinda strange to be the only one in the class who looked differently. You have to know that in Germany the Asian population is just in the minority. About 7% of the German population. But honestly...I am glad that that I´m different! It didn´t matter if I was in the kindergarden, in the first class or in the was always the same story: I, me and myself against the rest of the class! *lol*However, I´ve never felt inferior to my classmate or friends. FAR FROM IT!!! I was the strongest in our class and the best soccer player in our team. It was pretty easy for me to make new friends since they automatically accept you and, but above all, respect you!To be honest, I´ve never paid attention to the girls until I was 13! The only thing I had paid attention at that time was "Ninja Turtles", "Saber Raider" and "Captain Tsubasa". For me...the girls seem to be like "jiggling-flat-titted-boys-in disguise" on the fringes.I don´t know, I have always the feeling that the girls in this age were more ... mature , intelligent and further developed as their counter part!I´ve never paid attention to them but I know from my friends and from observing that they kept an eye on me!The girls in the class always sent a love-letter in which they wrote:"Do you wanna go out with me?! YES or NO!!!! BUT PLEASE DON`T MARK A CROSS ON BOTH of them!!!" LOOOOOLDamn...thinking back at those days I realized I was such a jack-ass! *g*I don´t know why I became so a lame bad-ass. It might be the impact of my first contact with the female gender in the age of 8 years. My mom visited a friend of her who had a daugther in my age. Of course..adults had to talk. And we had to play. It just simply depends on the way SHE and ME interpreted the word "play" in a totally different dimension!She said: " Do you like to PLAY!"I sad: "Ok..."Than she vanished behind the cupboard and came back with DOLLs!I thought "WHAT the fuck are you doing to me?!"Of course she was Barby and I was Ken!And...of course Barbe and Ken had a nice shitty house in gay-ass-pink!Actually, I can´t remember what we played..... I can ONLY remember that Ken rampaged the entire interior decoration in a good decent "Die-Hard2-Manner" , but mostly with his "Ninja-Turtle-Roundhouse-Kick"... you know what I mean?!Of course you know what I mean...BECAUSE this was also one of your action-hero´s move!Nevertheless, "Ninja-Turtle-Roundhouse-Kick" became pretty boring since the girls got boobs and bootys. And at the time I paid seriously attention to the girls!I thanked everyday my mom and dad that they gave me their genes! I´m happy that I´m different Different can also mean special. You are automatically special if you´re the only one with an Asian- touch in a caucasian class. But I think it depends on yourself how you want to be seen from other people!It might be true that good looking can be beneficial, but it´s just only half of the truth.The way you think, the way you talk, walk , dress, your humor etc.... give a good sum up of your person in a great picture!All this tributes makes the women´s heart dance...!!! Believe really works!!!To my person, all my girlfriends were whites...I don´t know why, but it might be because of the low representation of the Asian population in Germany. Or it might be the preference which I developed in my childhood, since I´ve always been surrounded by "white" girls!In my opinion, I can´t and I won´t understand why an Asian man should fell inferior to others!Nobody is born in inferiority! Far from it!We should be proud of our history and culture! What else do you have if you take everything way from mankind! NOTHING...plain body-part, same body-function, same blood colours.My mom told me:"If you walk on the street and turn in a corner you might meet a girl who doesn´t think that interesting. But when continue to walk down the street to next corner, you will might meet the girl who becomes infatuated with you!"
'preference' notwithstanding, is it just a 'fear of rejection' or is it really a disdain for those perceived as 'less worthy'? this doesn't seem to be only an asian guy problem. if you look at the overwhelming majority of 'mixed' couples, it is asian women and white men. i don't think the white men are hypnotizing the asian women so what gives?also, i don't see many waving the 'preference banner' in defense of those white guys that 'prefer' asian women so is it a real justification now? what if white girls said they 'prefer' white men? would that go down as easily as the 'preference' defense posted above?
Well, hmmmmm, judging from DR's comment, the South Asian/Indian, I suggest you take a gooood look around; not only is it IN FACT considered by most asian men of all stripe a "trophy" to nab a white woman, be she of Latina or Caucasian background, but quiiiite a few do marry them: I know, sweety, because I am in fact one. And most of the Gujrati Indian females here in Latinamerica are green with envy, they are the nastiest and most spiteful lot I and many of my non-asian gf have ever ever come across.More and more Pakistanis(like my hubby of 15 years)and Indians are choosing western women over their narrow-minded ignorant and thus booooring so-called "Desi" women; except for the few here who are getting educated, going out in the world, lightening up about society in general and learning not to fall into the whole bitchy female Indian culture. They become just the same as their own saas(mom-in-lwas) if not....bitter, and alone emotionally. Just ask my hubby Shawkat Ali and his friends why they prefer western women!!
i think there are a few reasons why it's hard for asian guys to approach other races. i would say fear of rejection is a huge reason, but there are other factors that are out of control.i think one is that being with a caucasian (male or female) is seen as the gold standard. it's like you're moving up in the world. if you're an asian girl, being with a white guy somehow validates your being accepted as an american or whatever. for white girls, why date an asian guy when you can date a white guy? why date down in the social hierarchy?this goes along with the previous reason, and it's that most white women just don't consider asian guys as possible companions. we can be great friends cause we're studious and nice, basically harmless guys. but we're not the guy they've dreamed about all their lives. we're not brad pitt or whoever. i'm not saying this is racism or fact i think it's innocent and inadvertent, but it happens nonetheless.i also think there are stereotypes about asian guys. i mean it's what asian guys bitch about all the time, which is lame, but i don't think it's groundless whining. i think it sort of creates an inferiority complex.i've been with two non asian girls and in neither case was i the one that made the approach. i think with most things it comes down to social circles and where you hang out. i mean walking up to a bombshell in a bar doesn't work for teh hottest white guy, i wouldnt expect it to work for an asian guy. but if you're around a girl a lot and she gets to know you as a person besides just being an asian guy, i think with most open minded girls you've got as good a shot as anyone.rant over
hmmm, it seems that maybe you have set white women as the gold standard too. maybe i am leaping to conclusions, but it sounds like you have not considered dating a non-asian girl who is also non-white. as for white women not dating asian guys because of a 'why take a step back' mentality, white women date other non-whites, so why wouldn't they date asian guys too? it sounds like you would consider any of them (non-white and non-asian guys) as a 'step back' for for fear of rejection, does this fear on their part make them any more compassionate when someone comes up to them? or do they kick 'em to the curb with no remorse and no attempt at getting to know the person? mighty mighty props to claire at the start of this thread on telling asian guys that they had better check themselves before they kevitch about getting dissed on account of their being asian. karma is a hard are correct on the social circles thing - where and who you hang out with is a big factor. if you cocoon yourself in a limited range universe, don't be surprised if your sky has few stars.on the asian girls and the 'moving on up' thing, where do they get that from and why does it not 'affect' their brothers when they are growing up too? or does it? don't think of people as merit badges you need to collect to gain entry to the next level. it demeans them and demeans you even more. plus, why would you want to aspire to join a group that (presumably) didn't want you in the first place?i think it is real important that non-whites in the US (and the world) stop stop STOP allowing or accepting the premise that 'white' is the normative condition and that all others (theirs) are somehow less than normal. this is not said to diminsh white people but to recognize and acknowledge that all people are people and as people deserve a universal level of respect and dignity and that their histories, cultures and lives are just as valuable as anyone elses. please do not begin a round of 'Kumbiya' and hold hands! just treat me like you would like to be treated (unless you are a masochist since i am not!) and we are cool. deal with me as me and not as your preconceived notion of WTF based on some stupid unreal reality show or your limited exposure to a narrow sampling of manufactured MacCulture - predigested for your i suggest to the libertinea...Go get 'em tiger!!! and don't forget to ask her if fries come with that shake?
They said it! You go,! :-o #3. And to add, my experience is that of all four white girls who ever expressed any interest in me at all, ever, and didn't become soon after uninterested, well I don't know how to otherwise say it, they had some kind of Asian *male* fetish...what's up with that??? Although I can't be completely certain to state "fetish", both had had histories of dating other Asian men. What do these girls assume they will find that attracts them? I actually find myself generally disgusted by this idea because I don't understand it, and my suspicion leads me to think they have inaccurate assumptions about what they're going to get. I wonder how much social relationships between Asian men and others all divides down between the different kinds of Asians as well as the mixes between Asians and Asian Americans. Would a Korean-American girl "accept" a Vietnamese-American guy? I wonder how the dynamic differs from areas where Asian Americans are (more / less) (assimilated / accepted) on (East Coast / Midwest / West Coast)? Maybe it matters less or works differently? And in Canada??? >i have a bone to pick with bitter asian men. why aren't they trying to date latinasGood question; I wouldn't know as I've basically had no experience in relationships, and I'm single as ever, at 25 years old. (Bitter?) However, I can say that I've found myself attracted to women of all sorts (desperation?) and although the majority of those would fall under "white American," I cannot recall specifically having rejected someone else's interest due to their ethnicity or color or ancestry, etc (yep, desperate). Although as before, considering the few number of women who have ever expressed any statistics are useless. I *do* seem to have a preference for "white" women however, and even moreover, European women (?) I form my identity less by my ancestry however, neither Asian nor American really, but more out of just "human". I wonder if some of this complicates the whole issue? I am hoping there are others out there who can see past the color / ancestry / etc. thing? >i think there are a few reasons why it's hard for asian guys to approach other races. I vote no on the "having fear of rejection"; at this point, I expect rejection, from her or me. >i think one is that being with a caucasian (male or female) is seen as the gold Wow, this is relative to individual values and is tough to generalize, isn't it? I don't see caucasian as a least I don't think I do. I'd like to meet maybe a cute Dutch, Swedish, German, British, Irish, Canadian, American, or Asian or...yeah--are those people all seen as "white" (disregarding American and Asian of course, although some would make the case as well on the latter)? I'd say Europeans have a very different culture, of course, and I think this affects the dynamic. >an asian guy when you can date a white guy? why date down in the social hierarchy? Depends on the social hierarchy. There are those who think that dating a white guy / girl is dating down...aren't there? >but we're not the guy they've dreamed about all their lives. This is a GREAT point, and more reason for me to be to just be more sorrowful than bitter; I agree. I guess me and white women are not made to be, if people see color or physical attributes as primary factors. I am open, but I've also mostly dreamed about white women; I am doomed. Overall, it's tough trying to make guesses as to what others think, but I'd love to know, as I'm sure so many others would. >white women date other non-whites, so why wouldn't they date asian guys too?It would be good to know the reason why they date other non-whites, I guess. >or does it?"White" is neither a step up nor down for me--stepping down means accepting ill manners and behavior, however, regardless of physical characteristics. I'm bitter. But more sad, because I've generally given up. And thankful to all of you, as I am rarely involved in Asian American culture, and this is really my only way to hear other people's perspectives, outside of social cliques and group-think.
Gee Phil, you seem pretty down."...#3. And to add, my experience is that of all four white girls who ever expressed any interest in me at all, ever, and didn't become soon after uninterested..."If they had a fetish, why would they then become uninterested? How do you distinguish an 'attraction' from a 'fetish'? Isn't a 'fetish' something where the person is 'objectified' such that they lose any real 'identity' other than as the 'thing' of the fetish? i.e. - any 'asian guy' will do, not a specific asian guy."...What do these girls assume they will find that attracts them? ... and my suspicion leads me to think they have inaccurate assumptions about what they're going to get."As they have dated asian guys before, it would seem they actually found what attracts them. What do you think they would 'get' universally from 'asian guys' that they can't or won't get from other guys?"I wonder ..."Good questions. What's your experience?"Good question; I wouldn't know ..."Bad answer. The question was not 'what is your experience with...' but 'why don't you try to date...'. Your lack of success in this area could be due to many factors - not trying would be a leading one. Why haven't you tried?"...I've found myself attracted to women of all sorts (desperation?)..." Nope. Human.I *do* seem to have a preference for "white" women however, and even moreover, European women (?)"I form my identity less by my ancestry however, neither Asian nor American really, but more out of just "human"...."It doesn't complicate it, but I suggest that it is somewhat impossible. Your preference for *European* women would be impossible to identify without some corresponding descriptor to compare them against. You must have an idea of 'non-European' to compare to 'European' so that you can 'name' your preference."I vote no on the "having fear of rejection"; at this point, I expect rejection, from her or me."Could it be that this self-defeating attitude manifests itself and leads to the inevitable rejection? A little Dr. Phil-ish, but..."Wow, this is relative to individual values and is tough to generalize..."You stated a preference for 'white' and/or European, so apparantly it is not so difficult to 'pin' on a person. Actually, I would contend that Canadians, British\UK or Americans cannot be automatically catagorized or assumed to be white. This is one of the 'problems' in my opinion.'Europeans' do not have a monlithic culture. Is it the 'culture' you like or their ethnicity? Would an ethnically Aborigine woman born, raised and acculturated in Stockholm satisfy you? She would be 'European' in culture, but not ethnically."Depends on the social hierarchy. There are those who think that dating a white guy / girl is dating down...aren't there?"True, but this thread was looking at it the other way."This is a GREAT point, and more reason for me to be to just be more sorrowful than bitter; ... me and white women are not made to be ... but I've also mostly dreamed about white women; I am doomed."And overly melodramatic."..It would be good to know the reason why they date other non-whites, I guess."Could it be because they like the person? Maybe they (those white women that date non-whites) are NOT equating their partner to a 'trophy' or symbol which they must 'acquire' to be happy.Maybe they think he will be good in bed, treat her nicely, has a rich uncle."I'm bitter. But more sad, because I've generally given up."Cheezz'n Crackers! You're 25!!! give the 'sad sack' thing a rest."And thankful to all of you, as I am rarely involved in Asian American culture, and this is really my only way to hear other people's perspectives, outside of social cliques and group-think."Why can't you 'engage' with other persons or groups? Do you live somewhere that has no 'minorities' at all?
Thats right.
This is for Phil and for all the other "bitter Asian men" out there who think that AA women don't want to date them. (Not to dismiss the great convo that came before me, but my heart goes out to Phil..)I'm an Asian American woman and I've dated many Asian American men. Also Latino, African American, Asian (in Asia) and white.I probably would have dated a lot more Asian American men had they simply asked. Especially at Phil's age, a lot of guys don't realize that it's not going to just fall out of the sky, you've got to do your part. What's your part?-Don't come up with some skeezy line, just be friendly and genuine. Get to know a girl as a person.-Work on yourself. I may go on one date with you, but that's the last date if you haven't read any books, thought about issues of the human condition, made something cool, or gotten out into the world. Girls have standards -and would you want to date one who didn't?-Know what you want. I've dated so many guys who pursued me who didn't really want a relationship. But didn't really know that, and weren't emotionally intelligent enough to take responsibility for that. Why waste my time? Being in a relationship takes work, costs money, and means you don't get to date other women. If you aren't ready for that then let the girl know that all you want is a booty call, maybe someone will take pity on you.-Get involved in your community, whatever that is. Model airplanes, political organizing, siprograph artists, whatever you are. Great way to meet chicks and guys without friends aren't so attractive.-work out. it's good for you and you won't date someone you're not attracted to either, so don't go whining about girls being all shallow. In the same vein, go get some nice clothes and do something about your hair.-Learn how to treat a woman well. Ask your female friends what their ideal date is. Find out what makes a girl happy (it's really not that hard, trust me).-I could go on and on, but i have to work. But think of it this way: if you picture a guy who works out, has good clothes and nice hair, who knows how to treat women well, who is confident and sincere and interesting and well-rounded and emotionally mature (which you should be anyway, just to enjoy your stay here on earth) -do you think that guy --Asian, white, Latino, whatever-- is going to be single for very long? Only if he wants to be.
Dawn,i don't know where DR is, but if you are in South or Central America and he is North America or India for that matter, there are very different racial dynamics between the locations, so you might be coming from a completely different frame of reference on that point. AND I think you have completely flipped the gender script from DR. You seem to be talking Asian man/ white woman and DR was talking asian women/white would not be suprising to me that asian women could hate the idea that an asian man is with a white woman but not hate the idea of an asian women being with a white man. the former creates a sense of rejection by the one who is supposed to love you; the latter may create a sense of elevated stature because the 'dominant male' has selected her above all others (fueling a sense of superiority).what happens when you thow those details into your mix?
For the replies I thank you.This is all very complex, and I honestly don't think I'm being unrealistic by saying, to begin: I'm a tough and complex case. I'm unusual.This is not an Asian American or Asian-related issue, but being Asian doesn't help I think. So I'll try to stick to the subject. I want to avoid using..."I" a lot, but I think I'm about to miserably.>Gee Phil, you seem pretty down.Occasionally, I am. Don't get me wrong though, I'm pretty laid back about relationships, and over time treat it less and less gravely. I don't think my speaking style transfers well over the internet.>If they had a fetish, why would they then become uninterested?I was unclear; sorry! Of four girls, two had a fetish--and there I was unclear too: I cannot definitively say it was a fetish, but I would say it was I guess really, a definite preference of Asian over white men, yes? So: why? I don't know.The other two were quickly disgusted, and that was all me I guess. :-P They never called back and so, I never knew why it didn't work--Asian or not.>Isn't a 'fetish' something where the person is 'objectified' such that they lose anyIn one of the two above cases, I'd definitely say I kind of felt that way. My relationships with women never last long. Me again. But, I chatted with this girl later and, she was with yet another Asian dude. Why!? Dunno.>it would seem they actually found what attracts them. What do you think they would 'get'>universally from 'asian guys' that they can't or won't get from other guys?Well, previously, she might have found Asian dudes attractive, but I didn't have those qualities. I don't know--but that's an issue. Are women with a preference toward Asian American guys assuming they have similar characteristics and personality traits (stereotype)? I don't fit that, and I guess I'm kind of glad about it.>Good questions. What's your experience?Wow, you're asking me??? I was hoping for someone to have the ultimate 50 word answer, it's a tough one.I may be ignorant, but my observations have suggested:*At Ohio State, people group together by ethnicity, it seems, so Koreans hang with Koreans, for example. But I don't know if this is influenced by nationalism or something? I can understand being able to speak with people who share common experiences though... And Asian Americans group with their own as well, whereas I don't group with them much.*There's probably some percentage of native Asians who stick to their nationality. I don't know about Asian Americans who are of single nationality. I'm open though.*There's a lot of Asian American girls who seem to stick to white guys.*More assimilation means less fuss about interracial relationships.*Being Asian is less of an issue, at least it seemed so while I was there, in LA, and in Chicago too.*Midwest: I think a lot of white girls who are actually native to the Midwest would want to stick with white guys, but that's just an assumption. And I don't know if they immediately dismiss Asian guys, but that's my belief.*It's always when I feel like racism isn't an issue, that something proves me wrong. That happens more often lately, but in this case, I was with a white girl in a small city in Ohio, stopping for dinner in a family restaurant style deal. While we are being seated, the black waiter says to the all white family sitting at the table something under his breath, or whatnot, and the people he was focusing on seem to agree, in disdain. We left. (!)*From what I've heard and some of what I've seen, diversity is alright, at least in Toronto.>The question was not 'what is your experience with...' but 'why don't you try to date...'.Good point...well first, now looking at it I don't know if Claire was addressing the guys on the web site specifically or asking the question in general, but assuming the latter...I guess I don't qualify to answer that question because I don't try to date anyone, and that certainly would be part of the problem, eh? As in, I am not making a focused effort to date women, so yeah, problem. But if the opportunity were there to "date" a non-white, non-Asian girl, I wouldn't count her out just because she was not white.Was "At" suggesting that a fear of rejection prevented Asian boys from asking non-white, non-Asian girls? Or does this include white girls--since in this case, they are "other" as well? Asian men should fear rejection from everyone, it seems, from the evidence. That's why I'd be bitter.I do not rule girls out for race or ethnicity. Perhaps I do fear rejection, but it's more that I assume the answer is no. Yes, self-defeating.>Your lack of success in this area could be due to many factors - not trying would be a>leading one. Why haven't you tried?It's tough, but I don't think the issue is Asian-American or Asian specific. But: I am a weird guy...non-traditional, I guess.I want to begin as friends, and maybe just stay friends. Some girls don't do that(?) They just want to find one guy and get married. I want the exact opposite. That's a more American girl issue, maybe, who knows. Really I just want someone to go shopping and do road trips with--no kidding. :-oTrying is hard--most of my friends left town after they graduated, while I stayed here. Making new friends is tough, because my interests (club music, djing, Asian American issues, rec sports, etc.) are not served much locally, or group pursuits, so I'm less likely to find venues for new relationships.Perhaps I'm getting this all wrong?>it is somewhat impossible. Your preference for *European* women would be impossible to>identify without some corresponding descriptor to compare them against. You must haveI am confused. European women--as in, those whom I have seen and known from specific countries, that I know are of specific ethnicity. But also it's a culture thing too--I like the way they (at least from those I've known, mostly Germans) treat relationships. Probably more culture than looks--there are a lot of attractive looking women in America, no doubt.>Could it be that this self-defeating attitude manifests itself and leads to theHa, yes, I won't disagree. Perhaps so. Maybe I'm sending signals I don't know about. But I've rejected women here and there I guess, at least it seemed that way. And I've definitely had my share of "disappearances" from those I wanted to keep in touch with.>You stated a preference for 'white' and/or European, so apparantly it is not so difficultBut it's only a preference. I don't think white or European is the standard for everyone, but maybe a large number of Americans, though. We're all people.>Canadians, British\UK or Americans cannot be automatically catagorized or assumed to beSomewhat confused but...I'd say the issue of what defines "white" is problematic. I think it describes primarily white Americans however--that's how I think many see it here.>Is it the 'culture' you like or their ethnicity? Would an ethnically Aborigine woman born,My preference would be someone with both, but culture is more important.>And overly melodramatic.That was somewhat the point, I think. :-P Perhaps it will all work out, but as above, I think it's going to be tough.>Could it beCould be...there's so many possibilities of course, though.>"I'm bitter. But more sad, because I've generally given up.">Cheezz'n Crackers! You're 25!!! give the 'sad sack' thing a rest.Ha, I guess that came off a little extra grave. I think I meant to say resigned...?How do I explain this?I was at that moment, bitter about the thought that I may be statistically unlikely to find what I'm looking for because of reasons I can only guess. But, I've given up the idea of finding someone actually happening, so I can only be sad so long, right? :-DA shirt I saw once said, "I feel much better now that I've lost all hope" or something. There you go. It's complex. I'm not pitying myself, it just sucks, and that's a fact.But this has all been thought provoking and somewhat invigorating.>Why can't you 'engage' with other persons or groups? Do you live somewhere that has noColumbus, Ohio and the surrounding area has a weird population--specifically for minorities. I would like to get more involved with Asian Americans as a political identity.Most of the Asian American groups here are social. After they graduate, most students (in general) leave the city. So it's kind of an empty city, even if there are something like over a million people here. A side note, but, just addressing it.After looking at it more carefully, it looks like the bitter Asian men site guys are somewhat model minority elitists, and have assimilated well into American culture at least academically and professionally, so I can't help but find a point of contention, as I am more the "failure" type or what ever it's called. I don't see it that way, honestly, but, I just can't recall the actual term. Can't agree with everything.Many years ago, in the morning, at Ohio State, an Asian male described as something like 220 lbs, 5'x"-5'6", fell /jumped off the top floor of one of the Computer Engineering building's balcony, and I couldn't help but to feel very empathetic I heard about it.This probably best characterizes my feelings about this whole bitter Asian men issue--I felt so bad for that of my first thoughts was...short...Asian...I feel like I have at least both of those things going against me. For all I know it could have been an accident. Worse, I tried to keep up with news, but I never found out the resolution. However, it was over a month later, and for whatever reason, no one still had identified the man, and his relatives had still not been contacted. Very sad.>I'm an Asian American woman and I've dated many Asian American men. Also Latino, African And for Jennifer's message...good to know there are some out there! Oddly, I'd say the same of Asian American women. An Asian American girl who I only knew had dated one white guy, seemed to be distant. I took that as dismissing me as a possibility. So, I never "asked."Certainly, I should take action on your suggestions, I could use some work in all those areas...but I think most of the work I have to do is particular to me, and not even an Asian thing. I don't know what it is but I think women just don't like me. Sucks. I could use some work regardless.>at Phil's age, a lot of guys don't realize that it's not going to just fall out of the sky,That's definitely one of my problems. But, one major thing is that I'd prefer to just have a lot of friends, who are girls, for starters. Even in that area I am at a loss for some reason. Just at an unusual intersection in life perhaps.When I do get concerned, it is because I am as old as I am and I've never even "dated" really, and I haven't had a lot of female friends really, which makes me wonder how successful I'll be if I've never even had practice having female to put it in short "at this rate, I won't have a girlfriend for another decade" is my worry. But perhaps I can move more quickly on it now. From here, I'm not waiting for time to tell anymore.Thanks though all...!Phew. I am NOT doing that again. I don't think.
Okay there have been a few people saying that white girls are racist against Asians and just could never be attracted to them. Sure, most white women (statistically) might not be attracted to Asian men, but they are out there. And you can't say that just because a white woman isn't attracted to Asian men she is a racist.For me, it's really hard to ask an Asian man out just because I've personally tried to ask an Asian man out before (a good friend) who seemed almost repulsed by the idea of dating a white woman. If anything, I feel as though some Asian men just want to be our friends and don't really ever want to think of dating/marrying us. Of course, I know there are plenty out there who are attracted to white women, but it seems like there are so few that actually are, at least where I'm living. (I know maybe one of my Asian male friends that date outside his race.)
To get the Asian-women-who-go-for-white-guys perspective, I asked a friend of mine who falls into that category to explain herself. She said that she found Asian men to be sexist and unable to communicate feelings. When pressed, it seems that this image was derived from her relationships with her father and brother. And so we have the "you remind me of my brother" excuse.It it just that? -- an excuse. Her father and brother are certainly not the only Asian men in her life. She had lots of male Asian friends in college, I'm pretty sure that not every single one of them (or even a majority) were sexist and uncommunicative. But perhaps the image of your father is the one you carry around the most in your head and shapes what kind of person you date. For some people anyway.
CHRIStian faith sees the devil in non-whites. 500 years of aggression against humanity by whites cannot convince them of the truth of their moral wrongs. Vietnamese died in the millions and took to celibacy following Ho Chi Minh's leadership to save their children from Thailand's fate. I hate Gomer because he sings gospel and was an advocate for baptizing human beings with napalm. Religious race hate killed John Lennon, Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee's son. If you are a non-white be cautious, the social atmosphere is toxic even if it seems invisible to you.
well, it begs a couple of questions. assuming she doesn't want someone like her father or brother is a legit feeling, has she never met any uncommunicative and sexist white men? i would bet she has, yet that has not detered her from seeing still other white men. this is sort of the mirror image of Melissa's question.and if the 'not like my father\brother' is the driver, aren't there other men who are 'not like father\brother' besides white men? why only white men? (I assume 'only' based on the description) why not others?the thing that i find interesting is that there is a recurring theme of "white people as the norm" against which all other people are measured. it is as though when you say 'people' you mean 'white people' and when you talk of anything else, you then add an adjective. it's like white=people and everyone else is 'people-lyte' or semi-people.we've got to lose this!
Phil,You're not alone. I've been single since the year 2001 and I'm older than you. Somehow, I find being single fun in a way. I found a hobby to keep myself busy and my mind busy. I don't really think about having a relationship anymore. I mainly focus my attention to other things in life.
Phil U, you sound like you have some interests that are, ummm...interesting. If you like them and engage them with passion and joy, then someone else will value them (and you) as they see how you react. They will want to share your joy.Jennifer's tips of proper social decorum and grooming are valid and (i think) should go without saying. I'm not suggesting you go all 'Joey Bag-o-donuts' on us with a red polyesther disco shirt and a 'horn of plenty' pendent! Also, you don't need to 'go to the gym' to stay healthy; you can exercise in other ways, but the concept is the same.First and foremost, I would say stop 'looking' for relationships - not stop living, but stop trying to find 'connections' where none may exist. Take a more zen approach - do what needs doing at the time it needs to be done. But pay attention to what is around you!Get positive! (I know - Ohio is hard on us all). And DON'T set a preconceived notion about someone's wothiness or ability to rock your world based on their ethnic background. Rent the Human Stain for an interesting treatment of the subject. As for being 'snowblind' - buy shades! Rayban - they're polarized to correct for that sh**!Let me put a plug in for those Malay gals --- ohhhh fine!! (and don't forget about Dhjibouti and Ethiopia! OMG! OMG!!!)
I can relate to the bitter asian male, because I am one of them. When asian women talk down about Asian culture and uplift white American culture, it disturbs me. I think there are a number of factors that contribute to that: 1) Asian culture tends to be male dominant. Women are looked down upon and raised to be submissive. Western culture, however, recognizes more freedom and rights towards women. 2) Asians pose the strongest threat to whites. Asians in America make just as much money, go to the top universities, and are sucessful. Being a strong threat, white culture has to belittle us, to still feel dominant. Examples, are asian men are too nerdy, or they have small penises, or they are not athletic or sexual. 3)Western culture is deeply ingrown in asian culture. Even though many of our parents abide by traditions, western culture has its influence. Popular example, is how parents favor light skin children. Even worst, saying that marrying a white american will give beautiful grandchildren. Substitute the same sentence with african american and you know what the parents will say. Now when i hear asian women degrade their own culture, I tell them: Your even more Asian because you would rather embrace the White western culture than empower your own. I am still a bitter asian male, but knowing that I am not alone, gives sweet hope.
About Asians bein bitter: You know... I thought so too about the Asian Americans. I mean, I was in the CA and through some Asian contacts, (I am from Singapore), was hooked up to some partying with Asian people living in CA. What a bummer!First, they all looked really studious. I won't even say smart. Because to be smart you need some balls. They don't look like they had any. Guys and girls. They just seemed reserved, polite... and BORING. Except one Vietnamese girl. She was the slightly 'wilder' one.. but hey... her friends and circle probably numbed her to what she can actually be.Totally shattered my idea of being in America. I was thinking, do ALL AA live this way??? Jeez!At least when I was in UT, I saw the hottest blonde in the club, nice body and all, and was about to approach her when I saw this dude in front of her. He was Asian. I smiled and immediately went over and introduced myself and shook his hand. He was from Vietnam. I just flat out told him, your girl is HOT! He said, thanks. (REALLY great face and body, I tell you. The type to turn heads). Moments later she was snogging him. Oh well. But when he was dancing on the platform, I saw him tugging at her skirt. Maybe too short? If I was in his position, I wouldn't give one crap about that. (But on the other hand, if she was Asian, I would give ten tons of crap. Double standards? Possible. I notice that I give much more freedom to my non Asian partners. Maybe it stems from the thought that they cannot take care of themselves? Don't know where that came from. Definitely racist.).Anyways, AA guys, PLEASE STOP putting yourselves down. If I were a white girl reading this board... I would just trail off and leave thinking, pfff, losers.Seriously, I have never met another group of Asians in another part of the world as self depreciative as you guys. I have been to 21 countries. Even the Asians in Europe are darn proud of themselves. Even those who don't speak English, they still have a lot of zest about them!I liked what the other poster wrote about the Filipino girl. Seriously guys, it is all in the MIND. YOUR MIND. I think you analyse the situation to death that you fail to make ANY move. And then you cry and complain. WHO THE HELL is going to be attracted to such people? Not me, if I were a girl.Among my experiences with white girls, I have had experiences with Irish/Canadian, Canadian, Italian, Dutch, dated an American with a killer ass, but didn't bang her... Uzbekistan model, German. Either that's all or I can't recall off the top of my head.White, black, or whatever, they are just the same... girls. And being female, they just want the universal things girls want. That is to be pampered, by a MAN, be led at times, be asked for opinions at times, be grabbed and thrown into bed and having someone whisper into their ear 'I want you. NOW.'Etc... . Guys, it's really up to you. Stop being sissy about it and complaining wouldn't help.When I see a hot girl, I just go up and talk. No matter the race. Once you get better, rejections become a thing of the past and in a few seconds, you know exactly what to say, how to say it and how to play it right. I get a girl's phone number almost 100% of the time. That's also because I come across as sincere. It doesn't matter what you are sincere about, but you just have to be sincere. Even if you are sincere about bedding her.Guys, get your chin off the floor! March out there and BE A MAN!P.S. To my friends in CA, If anyone of you reading this finds out who I am, please don't take it personally. I love you guys, you are awesome people to hang out with and you are definitely one of the most sincere people out there and when I was with you guys, I felt totally safe, and that says a lot about your characters. But, what I wrote is just what I felt. Nothing personal. I just thought AA in CA should be more 'party-like', that's all. You guys are just so decent you are sweet.
A questioner, the "white people as the norm," concept is one of the presuppositions that people historically have used as a justification (although unspoken) for colonization and subjugation of people who have color in their skin worldwide.The term "people," will only be applicable to those who are caucasian, thus all other groups are "non-people." Having this base belief makes it much easier to sleep at night for those who participate in enslaving others, subjecting others to inhumane working conditions, and denying others humanitarian aid, etc. Why feel pangs of guilt when they're merely savages? They're merely saving us from ourselves; dog only knows where we'd be if left to our own backwards devices!!!And when is it the "oppressor" can truly cheer for victory? When the minds and hearts of the oppressed have been broken to the point where even they believe the hype and twisted logic used to enslave them in the first place.That such a notion still exists, and even exists in the minds of some people who are ethnic minorities, is somewhat of a proof that manifest destiny/colonial mindset are sadly still alive and well."You can't hold a man (woman) down without staying down with him (her)."Booker T. Washington.
As an Asian American woman, I'm going to have to say that a lot of the reasons as to why AA women don't date AA men are good, but I think we forget the most important reason: They simply don't click.At the risk of sounding like a hippie, I'm going to have to say to love or to like someone doesn't mean that you have to adhere to certain race. I've dated AA men and white men. I'm currently with a white man, but I don't think that the reason we are together is because I hate AA men. Rather, I found that I had a lot in common with this white man.The idea of white as a "gold standard" is a bit ridiculous. But I think that the way you grew up has a lot to do with how you choose your date or mate. I grew up ABC, so my ideas tend to think less traditional Asian and more white. Doesn't mean I find one race more attractive than the other. I've found attractive men of all races. But it does mean that in terms of thinking, I find myself in less of a traditional "wife" sort of place, and more "modern woman."
OK, this is getting interesting. Between RememberMe? and Reiha, where do you start? RM - BINGO on your points, although I am kind of past the Frantz Fanon-esque 'wretched of the earth' tone that some of what you've written takes on. But to the extent that non-white people take on an attitude (not a very accurate description, but) that their definition of themselves must always be in juxtaposition to white people, then we (non-whites) place ourselves in the 'secondary' role. We don't exist without them. This would (probably) manifest itself over time in an ever-spiraling sort of group mistrust or self hate. Now, I don't think that white people, in large measure, sit around plotting our demise, but to the extent that they view themselves as 'people' and they (with our assistance) view non-whites as 'other (than) people' like themselves, it allows or perpetuates condescension and paternalistic behaviour which is ultimately bad for us. RM's 'ohh, let us pity the poor savages and help them'.Now Reiha, your post begats some questions (damn, I'm nothing if not consistent!) So, you grew up ABC - any brothers? Any ABC boys in the neighborhood? School? Irrespective of the actual answer, there certainly are MEN that grew up ABC too. So it would stand to reason that they would have similar 'AMERICAN' cultural norms and values too. Remember, 'culture' is NOT carried in the DNA, so it doesn't tranfer like eyelids, lips, skin colour, etc. If it did, then you would long to be a 'wife' and not a 'modern woman' using your rationale. It would seem that you think of the 'American' part of ABC as synonomous with white. This is key to RM's post (and mine earlier). Umm, last time I checked, some 35% of America is NOT white, so where are those folks from to you? Are they squatters? Interlopers? Illegals? It would seem that you have not met any 'modern' latino, black, arabic, indian or - dare i say it - asian men in your travels. This seems unlikely at best (unless you are in Idaho, and then 'modern' might be the sore point). But maybe you have developed a mote in your eye which seems to make those non-whites 'invisible' or at least un-American. Why? How? Why wouldn't the same 'A' factor you cite as your 'influence' affect any other American-born whomever?Now, I fully agree with your 'hippie' sentiment, but a question that you might ask yourself is did you effectively 'rule out' certain types of persons based on a pre-conceived notion of what they must be 'about' because of a limited definition of 'American'?Now, this thread has long left the realm of getting Phil the 'hook-up' but, a casual review of statistics would indicate that AA women (Note: in order to use that shorthand, one must 'assume' a definition for 'AA', which by defacto, means that you've excluded certain types of people out of 'habit'). Sharpened pencil - AznAm women 'outmarry' at at rate that is only matched by Jews and white Hispanics ('white' Hispanics would be the european descendants that reside - and dominate - mexico, cuba, and latin america - for which Hugo Chavez and his ilk are the bane of their existence) this rate is nominally reported at over 30%.Assuming you can get past the question of 'why so many?', consider this, if the 'hippie' mentality was the pure driver, one would assume that the mix of outmarried AznAM women would distribute themselves across the population relatively evenly with the overall demographics; 15% to latinos, 15% to blacks, 65% to whites and 5% to 'others'. but they don't. not even close. the mix is over 98% to whites. apparently either latinos, blacks, and 'others' don't find AznAm women attractive or AznAm women don't 'consider' non-whites, other than Azn Men, viable. I am betting its the latter if the constant refrain of 'uncontrollable fetishism' is to be believed.So, to what do we attribute what would arguably be seen as (from the statistical evidence) a verficiation of RememberMe?'s variant on the 'Stockholm Hostage' theory - they have sided with their oppressors? Reiha, this is not to attack you personally, you may have much more in common with this specific white man than any other man you've met, but it would seem pretty amazing that in the broad array of statistical evidence provided, that Azn/Am women almost ONLY find common interests with white men and those that don't are almost always filipina, hapa, or SE asian and rarely east asian (korean, japanese or chinese) - your personal knowledge of an 'exception' notwithstanding. WE all know, but don't speak to, the 'pecking order' in the pan Asian cornicopia.Wouldn't one expect a greater and broader 'commonality' of interests across a spectrum of 'Americans' assuming a relatively uniform culture, such that we are defining it as 'American'?But we don't see it. Something has prevented this acceptance of pan-American culturalism from really leaping across ethnic boundaries amongst the 'wretched of the earth' - the evidence of things not seen - James Baldwin.damn this got long! sorry 'bout that. peace.PS. Phil - hit those Ethiopian restaurants in Ohio - the women are fine! and they have great food!
Hahaha the questions posed in this thread are..made..for me.This topic is something I have argued with my(predominately) white friends for ages....ever since I became interested in girls and got rejected by one because I was asian(at my yaer 10 formal no less!!:().At first I was very bitter, and blamed the girls for being racist/closeminded/nazi:P etc.And I'm still bitter but I no longer blame the white girls as such. I blame western society and many asian guys.Western society is one that is (obviously) filled with white male leads in everything. I mean the "hawtest guys EV3R!!" are all white in this society, whether its in popmusic, movies or Top 100 hottest people ever polls. And this creates a kind of illusion that white, and only white is hawt enough to be on magazines. And then impressionable 14 year old girls grow up with this and believe it all.However alot of the problem is with asian guys. I go to one of the *top schools*(like Aussie Girl:P) in Sydney, Australia as well (Sydney Grammar) and at least 40% of the school is asian.As such I slowly began to realise that the problem wasn't mainly to do with the girls but with the asian guys I saw everyday. They preferred playing computer games then going to the gym or being active, they lacked social skills because they never went to parties or went anywhere. They had crappy fashion sense, so that whenever they did go out they looked like someone from the 50's.So the end result is small, unfit looking, pudgy asian guys with glasses who lacked social skills and dressed like a tard. So why on earth would any, let alone a white, girl like them?Obviously I don't mean every asian guy is like as a few did look good and scored with girls of all races....but I think these bitter asian men would do a lot better by solving their own problems: work out and dress better so that you *become* more attractive, learn to talk to girls and with other people. Be more sociable and the girls and relationships will follow.
messages to the asian geeks:be yourself;don't change because someone thinks you won't be liked if you don't...if you want to play video games rather than go out,do it...if you feel like dressing like a 50 yr old man,by all means -it's what makes you feel comfortable.If you're shy,be shy..don't change for any white girls,or any kinds of girls.In the end,you will only be miserable.Don't don't let society dictate how you should be.As Mr Rogers would say:"You are perfect just the way you are"-another asian geek
On personal expeiences i never dated a white girl before, also refering to other cultures also, Ive only been with puertorican, brazillians, and other spanish race.The point of the matter is it is we are living in a white supremecy, and we can not deny the fact that these alligations are true, "asian man" are perceieved as quite, sincere, smart, but not good enough, cause we lack that physical attraction "bad ass" im speaking for most asian man.I socialize with many different backrounds, mostly portuguese people actually, and couple of other mix races, In my observation I never really had a problem attracting hispanic women, but i will exclude portuguese women, they tend to stick to their own race, and this is a fact"When i say i live in an area with a portuguese population that devou'rs all the ethnicity by probably 71% ,Also about the not having enough confidence issue, its not that we are not confident we just know where our limitations are, some guys just can not over come this by them selves, it needs to be brought to them in some type of way, thats why i envy the women that always underlook asian guys.....i pity them.The white women are brainwash by america's way of seing things......simple as that, its a fucked up process that we must live with , thats why i accepted my due's
Found this randomly. Sorta cute flic despite the bad acting. Click on Yellow Fever once you go to this url:
"Also, if you want to date White girls, then just go to the source. Europe. Again, your Asian-American-Ness is just so incredibly sexy anywhere on the continent of Europe.To get a date. My advice--get out of the US.I did. I have never looked back.It was indeed exhilirating to be checked out by chicks. Good looking ones at that. If you are well developed by American standards, you are positively Arnold over there.Yikes, the girls behind the lunch counter. The incredibly sexy girls on scooters slowing down to check you out. For a poor, short, near-sighted Chinese boy from an all white neighborhood, this was something so unexpected my socks kept coming off."for all u chinese american guys, just come to uk. girls will love u here. or go any where in europe. i have seen in london alone chinese guys going out with white girls. so i think its a matter of where u grow up.Posted by: Anonymous at November 13, 2006 10:12 AMi have read and heard many such reports from east asian guys who have come back from europe, reguarding how euro girls treated, my question is for east asian guys who have been to europe - do euro girls 'love' or have a 'thing' for east asian guys, so to speak? i know looks and personality plays a large part and each person would have a different experience. also, i'd love to hear from any euro girls on this matter as a single east asian guy myself, i'd like to know whether there is any truth to this and i'm planning to go to euroland in the future, as well.thanks, to all those who answered to this post.
I would really like to applaud this blog. A lot of genuine points being made. I'm a white male who grew up In and all black town. I am also first generation american. I feel like somehow because of this I have a kinship with asian men. I kind of understand their anger. White men say the same thing around here. I think in the end asian men get screwed by the numbers. If an insignificant amount of white men date asian women, because of the population differences you get hit waaay harder. Some of those guys have fetishes (a lot of them are fascinated with asian culture in general so it applies), but not all of them. I think if it's a situation where the asian partner was adopted or in an area where they are the only asian then it's prbly true love on the white persons side. Maybe on the asian partners side it could be a subconcious longing for full acceptance. These people also have based their whole lives around a white pop. so that's how they norm their standards. In the end it's a tough situation you guys are in, I can only say it'll get better for you in the next couple of years. As for white women who date non white men but not asian men, I would say from growing up in the community that I did, a lot of them are rebelling against their dad or responding to what they define as hip on mtv. Asian men are so close to white, they're just not rebellious enough. This is all based on women under the age of 19 so they aren't making mature decisions about relationship, so take my observations with a grain of salt.
You know,there are lots of asian woman in this world. They just don't live in the US. All you need is a ticket. Any place over there would find your exotic American-ness most appealing. Also, if you want to date White girls, then just go to the source. Europe. Again, your Asian-American-Ness is just so incredibly sexy anywhere on the continent of Europe.To get a date. My advice--get out of the US.I did. I have never looked back.It was indeed exhilirating to be checked out by chicks. Good looking ones at that. If you are well developed by American standards, you are positively Arnold over there.Yikes, the girls behind the lunch counter. The incredibly sexy girls on scooters slowing down to check you out. For a poor, short, near-sighted Chinese boy from an all white neighborhood, this was something so unexpected my socks kept coming off.And so I ended up in a bar. And so I asked the absolute cutest girl in the place for a date. And so we fell in love and got married. Honestly, 2 kids later, it has been quite a life. And I have just begun.I am glad that I grew up in the US. I speak with the Franca Lingua of this new world civilization. I am both the kick-ass Americano and the wise subtle Chinee. Yes, my brothers we will rule the world. The rest of the world will only realize once it is too late. Goody for folk like
Has anyone reading this been to Honolulu? Biracial/multiracial relationships and families are so part of the norm that this thread would seem ridiculous and petty to many. This includes all combinations and permutations of race, gender: white women w/ asian men and vice versa, japanese with korean with hawaiian with portuguese, white trannies with asian trannies, or myself - a pinay girl whose recent girl was a blond haole (white) woman. I would've dated the Hawaiian woman who liked me but she had a non-ironic mullet and just got out of prison! (So nothing to do with white being "gold standard" - just personal dating standards in choosing a mate) I know if I was a straight girl, lots of Chinese and Japanese mamas tell their boys not to date Filipino girls, but I'm not bitter. But maybe it's because my dick is store-bought and glittery, and therefore not representative of a fragile ego! I'm not a boy hater, though - non-misogynist, secure Pinoy boys are FOXY - I've dated a few with fond memories...
Sorry asian guys......Some girls are just now slaves to their parents......There is no conspiracy......You can fuck who u want......I hope more asians learn that.....Peace
and thus spoke zarathustra???you can (or should) only fuck who wants to fuck you."When you control a man's [or woman's] thinking you do not have to worry about his actions. You do not have to tell him not to stand here or go yonder. He will find his "proper place" and will stay in it. You do not need to send him to the back door. He will go without being told. In fact, if there is no back door, he will cut one for his special benefit. His education makes it necessary." - Carter G. Woodson
Ausie girl:I think my problem is I love women to much. Im slowing down a lot. Im becomming a HOme body vice being a club Hound in my Younger years.
To Chie:I agree man, if you guys don't feel the urge or need to change the way you are and you're happy with yourself thats awesome as so very few people are.I think the problem is, is that unless there is some change on both sides these "OMG WHITE WOMENZ HATE US!Q11!1!" threads will never end.
"Sorry asian guys......"----Sorry ThyHorrorCosmic,"Some girls are just now slaves to their parents......"----Some morons have serious reading problems......"There is no conspiracy......"----Nobody said a fucking thing about any fucking conspiracy at any fucking time....."You can fuck who u want......"----Why don't you take your own advice: fuck off........"I hope more asians learn that....."---I hope yellow-fevered losers learn what it means to respect themselves and others....."Peace"---uh, Peace.
re: Shy Asian GuysIf you are still young, watch the anime that girls watch. Clean yourself up, dresss kinda like that, attend the conventions, and the girls will come to you. If you hide your intentions though, you will still end up alone. Just tell her you are shy around women and blush, some like shy guys.
It is based on experience. I have had particularly bad experiences with white American women. I found nothing but racism among white women, particularly from the south while attending school in the midwest. They all preached Christianity and human love, though. But race trumped the cross. When I was in Boston, a white woman pointed a gun at me and accused me of harassment just out of the blue. It turned out to be a toy gun. A drunk white woman came to me and showed a middle finger in Washington DC. My best friend a PhD from Harvard was screwed professionally by a white woman from California. Eventually they charged her with racial discrimination and sent her home. Recently, in Hawaii a white woman gave a knife to my sister and told her to stab me if I spoke loudly and then described my body parts..strange. White women and fair looking Indian women are more crazy than bigoted in my experience. East Asian women pander to white males and prefer white males in all walks of life, but then again there are East Asian men who also pander to whites as the recent Tan Ngueyen incident of Orange County shows.
Very true Rob.I have similar experiences. The stereotype sexist Asian male 'head of the family' is not my experience either. There is no doubt that my mum was the boss when I was growing up. I was shit scared of her!From my observations, it seems true that there is a huge disparity in many Asian females dating white guys and not many Asian males dating white girls.This comes down alot to personality of the male and self perspective. It is derived from very complex conditioning. E.g. Positive white Alpha males portrayed in Hollywood/Asian males either being nerds or crazy kung fu fighters. Why should White film producers portray themselves inferiorly?As Asian men, we have partly ourselves to blame. I notice that alot of the Asian men take little care with their physique and appearance. This is a turn off to ANY female of any race. May be my experience is based upon the type of Asian males I meet (I am a doctor and work in a hospital).I personally have dated mainly white women and even Middle Eastern and Indian. I have had HOT Asian girlfriends too. Most of the women I've dated have made the first move in some way so I guess I've been spoiled. But I may have sent out the necessary signals out to these females, perhaps by flirting with them, eye contact etc. Many Asian men may be too reserved to express their interest in this way, but the truth is women need signals to work with.If you are a bitter Asian male, spare a thought for how White guys feel when Black guys get their girls. I have had many white male friends who gloat when a white guy dates a non white girl but are very bitter when a white girl dates a non white male, particularly a Black guy. Black guys tend to have more physical presence which makes insecure white guys feel disempowered... and how about the black girls who are left on the shelf?So stop feeling sorry for your selves. Your situation is not unique. Face your insecurities.
Right...I am from Australia (dark deatures - white skin) - and recently I was accepted to the top school in Sydney - and it is FULL of Asians. I am a white and I am madly in love with a guy from Singapore...we shared a special moment last year...anyways now that we see each other everyday day at school - he acts as though we shared he is ashamed or something. He is tall and athletic plus smart. I am tall, state debater, footballer and I am told that I am attractive (though I don't see it)...sounds like we would make the perfect couple?? WRONG!! Now that I see his social group, he only talks to asians...yes, that means he only seems to show an interest in asian girls (or maybe that due to the fact that there is only asians to talk to...u can count the number of non-asians on your hand)...what should i do?? Please note that prior to this attraction, I used to think alll asians looked the same and would NEVER consider dating an have I changed!!
Phil U., how are you doing out there in the heartland? Making any progress?
Aussie girl, that is one man, so don't think that all Asian men are exactly like him! I'm sure that there are some asians at the school that don't just hang out with each other.As for relationship advice.. I don't think this is the best place to ask for it necessarily.
i love u BAM
White women are the least liberated at least here in the US. Some do date black men, but very few. Many date Hispanics, but these are Hispanics who are closer to being white. It enables these women's future children to enjoy the privileges of the white society and also benefit from Affirmative Action. White girls and women of mixed white Hispanic and white non-Hispanic parents seem to enjoy the privilege of both being a white as well as a minority.Asian men, myself included are the lowest in the totem pole. Most are not classified as disadvantaged and hence are not included in most affirmative action programs. And Asian men do not have the privilege of being white. Marrying an Asian man means marrying down form most white women and hence it does not happen often. These are statements of facts, not self pity or whining.
This sounds kind of shallow, but I don't really care. I grew up ABC and have dated white women before, and thought the relationships were typical. But I started noticing that a lot of older white women end up being fat, one of my phobias. Same with white guys. So I prefer dating Asians now. I also think that is why white guys sometimes go for Asian girls--pretty much because the Asian girls don't get fat as quickly. That may sound shallow, but it's totally true...
Well George I can accept some of your facts and not others.As to 'liberated' women, most of the 'Women's Liberation Movement' has been spearheaded, and focused on, white, middle class women. So much so that there is some tension between these 'movement groups' and women of color who feel that their issues are ignored by groups like NOW.Also, I believe that white women marry 'outside their race' more than any other group even if we 'normalize' the statistics for your very apt discussion of the white\hispanic intermarriage rate, [an illustration - Cameron Diaz could claim to be hispanic by virtue of the 'Diaz' but she would hardly be considered 'a women of color' if you look at her. This is a common situation for many 'hispanics'. It is one of the many flaws in the racial 'classification' system.], other than asian women when you factor in their (asian women) marrying white men (nominally 25 - 30%). If you left out the asian woman\white man couples, I think asian women would score near the bottom in terms of 'out-marrying'.The chief beneficiaries of 'affirmative action' have been, and still are white women - whether they are married to hispanics or not.As for Asian men being 'lowest on the totem pole', I don't know exactly which pole you mean, but Asians are considered 'minorities' so programs designed to assist minority and women owned businesses do help asian men. This is reinforced by the program at the recent NAAAP convention on "How to get Certified as a MBE" (Minority Business Enterprise).Asian men also outearn black and hispanic men. So I don't know if you are at the 'bottom' of any totem - unless it is the 'bagging a white girl' totem.For that you may have to work on your 'rap', learn to hold your breath and develop a fondness for 'diving'. Not too fast, not too slow, not too hard, not too soft. Try to hum while you do it - it makes the time go faster.
Aside from the fat issue, from the perspective of a white guy, the Asian girl is a lot easier to get than another white girl, since the Asian chicks think that white guys are good catches. This basically means that the white guy is not really all that sociable, and can't really get another white girl. Next time you see an interracial couple, see if you think that the white dude is kind of weird socially or just weird looking. Lot of times, but not always, they are...
Also, about the fat thing, it's not really white, but more of an American thing. Yes, I've been around West Europe, and they're pretty thin there. So the fat thing is because of fatty diets and is an American thing. But then again, this is America, so it's a fat issue that doesn't apply too much to Asians, but definitely does to white girls and guys...
I think Aussie girl situationprovides us with a real lifeexample of how Asian men willnot date outside of their race.Growing up Asian, my mother wouldrelentlessly repeat the dictumnot to date girls that are not1) Chinese or 2) Christian.Furthermore, even if they are Chinesethey should not be from China..I dunno how she feels about HK, butI assume that means only AsianAmerican women or Taiwanese women.Or maybe some Chinese from theDiaspora.That being said, I do find myselfattracted to women of other races,whether one would actually dateme is an entirely different issue..but it's all a number's game. I'mbound to find one that can seepast skin color, since my ownvalues probably aren't too muchdifferent from her own:self-serving and successful.I think my experience is emblematicof most conservative, 2 countriesand 50 years separated fromconfusciasm, republican for the money,with a smidgeon of Christian ethosAsian culture. Of course everyonedeviates.. but i think the experienceis the same.We want to date outsideour race, but because we are allso subconsciously conformist, wefear the repercussions or maybe there just isn't any real world examples of Asian mean dating outside their own race.. maybe except by these messiahson the internet..Deep down we want to recreate thestable family image we ourselvesmay have experienced. Supportour parents, have childrenthat are good at whatever theywant to pursue, doesn't matterso much if the firstborne is a son,or if it's two daughters..As Asian american men, we are a culturewho's values as a whole are changing.I'm sorry to Aussie girl for beingone of those Asian men who couldnot escape his cultural identity,and honestly u shouldn't waste yourtime with guys like us and lookfor someone more accepting,whetherhe's white or some inferior color.Looks really aren't all the important anyway.He'd probably just brag to his friendshow he got a white girl anyway.