Are You A Bitter Asian Man?

July 13, 2005

Hello. Very busy. Going out of town for work. But thought I'd leave you with these fine links:

It was only a matter of time before there would be a site like this: Bitter Asian Men Why are they so bitter? Cause white girls AND asian girls won't date them. Probably doesn't help when Jackie Chan says white guys should marry Chinese women in order to spread Chinese culture. Huh? Wow, that is whack.
Bitter Asian Men, I want you to know there are Asian women out there who date Asian men. I don't know what's up with Asian women who won't date Asian men. Hey, it's their loss. More Asian men for me!

Here's a cover story on Tom Shimura (you may know him as rapper Lyrics Born) in the East Bay Express.

And Asian kids, stop emailing Andrew Lam to ask him to help with your homework about his short stories. Lam ruminates on the cultural reasons they're writing in. An excerpt: "I find it curious that many Asian American entrants, even those with a perfect command of English, don't use the first- person narrative. The word "I" doesn't appear on the page, leaving writers to struggle with the awkward "one," even when addressing issues within their own families."

Contributor: 

Melissa Hung

Founding Editor

Melissa Hung is the founding editor of Hyphen. She was the editor in chief for the magazine's first five years and went on to serve in many other leadership roles on the staff and board for more than a decade. She is a writer and freelance journalist. Her essays and reported stories have appeared in NPR, Vogue, Pacific Standard, Longreads, and Catapult, among others. A native Texan, she lives in California. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Comments

Comments

"I find it curious that many Asian American entrants, even those with a perfect command of English, don't use the first- person narrative. The word "I" doesn't appear on the page, leaving writers to struggle with the awkward "one,"I'M Asian and I think this thread is the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
Its ok Mickey...its ok... we understand that you touch yourself at night.
"I don't know what's up with Asian women who won't date Asian men. Hey, it's their loss." My question is, "who really cares?". It's nobody's loss. If anything, why cant we be once happy for the happily engaged couples? Why do we always have to be so negative and judge other asians (or whites) whether who they should date or not? Most importantly, why is this even a race issue, just simply because an Asian woman is dating a white man, as if it's such a taboo? There are more important things to be bitter about and its not about this petty annoyance.
I'm very proud of my race and i hate....HATE the "sellouts" as you pple call them.(im chinese guy). However, I hate "sellout" guys way more than "sellout" girls. To me there's nothing more disgraceful as scourning your own race. Even if is to socially fit in, throwing away your heritage and doing things to make yourself appear white as well as joining in on the asain stereotypes makes me sick. you know the people im talking about...those fucking tools that work for hollywood to portray poor, disgraceful asians in movies and televison.....and that deformed bastard that got onto American Idol who's making money by disgracing his own people...what a fucking tool for making hollywood make a douch bag/sick joke of him ......AHHH i hate those people, they dont deserve to call themselves asians. (they should all consider platic surgury like michael jackson...enlarge their eye, hair transplants, boob jobs, penis enlargements or whatever the fuck they think is wrong with themselves)and for u fucks that are willing to marry asain women right off the boat...shame on you...if you cant even speak the same language, and u marry just to have a house cleaning sex doll, then you are one sick pathetic bastard. dont say ur helping them because you think u saved them from a crappy place.....what the hell makes u so damn self-righteous....using pitty as an excuse for self gain....you bastards make me sickEverytime i read something like this i notice things related to sex like...asian women are tighter...they are more kinky....they crave giant white cock........god damn it grow up, u sick fucks that turn such discussion into this stupid shit should be evoked of your online privilegesi really dont care if asian girls date white guys, maybe they prefer them... who the hell knows when it comes to things girls think about. So instead of trying to boost your own egos by saying asian guys have smaller dicks, all u white guys should just stop specualting stupid shit like that.one other thing i've noticed is that asian guys call asian girls sellouts just because they are dating a white guy.........u need to shut up and wake the fuck up....maybe if you actually asked them out before some other guy did, they'ed actually go out with u instead...calling girls of your own race sellouts based on situations you don't fully understand is so damn stupid........asian Girls....if you are dating for love and a healthy relationship...power to you..but if your simply doing it to fit in and in the process you consider all asian guys as inferior to whites then i say to u you.... u are a real whitewashed mook thats a sellout to your race (dont blame the media unless you consider yourself a weak minded bimbo)fianlly i would like to say that all asians should take pride in their heritage....the rich culture, the thousands of years of history...all the good stuff...dont stand for the crap white people put on tv.......and dont believe all the bad things America makes of the "evil" chinese government. If you've not lived in china and all your conceptions are from the american eduaction system, you have no right to talk about the matter.Last but not least.....FUCK FALONGON for messing with peoples heads...though u claim ur trying to abolish the communist party in china...ur just a cult thats after peoples money....all u sickfucks dont and wont accomplish anything.....i just feel sorry for the people thats been brainwashed by the sick fucks
keiriruisu said: maybe we should get back to the real subject of why white women for the most part don't seem to like asian men and the like. We've sort of gotten off of the subject.that was the subject of the post? the answer is easy. white women's racism. oh i get it now. that's why asian american activism is all about stereotypes at the expense of other problems.
Zashiki, Who cares? Well lots of people care. Lots of people care so much that everytime we bring up dating, the issue of white men and Asian women couples comes up and people go on and on about it. It IS a race issue because Asian American women outmarry at a high rate and when they do, it's mostly to white men. Why is that? Something to think about. This is not about one specific person dating another person that we know. This thread is about a pattern, and what leads to that pattern. So people put forth their theories: white as "right" and upward mobility? Emasculation of Asian American men? Perception of Asian American men as sexist by Asian American women? Self hate? This thread is really a disucssion of how Asian Americans fit into our soceity.I'm not saying we shouldn't be happy for happy couples. No one is trying to undermine the happiness of people in love. This thread isn't about happy couples though.
I see. But what if it was a reversed role? Do we give Asian American women more kudos if we hear them say instead "I only date Asian men?". That would only narrow their standards, as well. Pattern or not, those self-deprecating Asian men who sees this as a threat must have inferiority complex. Keep in mind, we ARE in a country filled with different races/nationality. We're all bound to date other than our own race.Sadly, because of this... we are losing our touch of our roots. I say, carry your heritage to your tombstone. But realistically, in this country, that will slowly dissipate.Nice thing is that I've been seeing ALOT of Asian American men dating white women, as well. I dont go around being bitter about it, either. I'm hoping there would be more of interracial couples, so there would be less of this self-deprecating and self-pity remarks.
Well, I too attend one of the select schools of sydney - North Sydney Boys, and happen to be asian, due to statistics and such. So much so that it is custom among us asians to call the whites "them filthy efnics". Actually, thats only me, but you get my point on the majority of asians thing in selective schools.On a personal level, the occurence of asian male / western female couples is quite rare. My sister school is also dominated by the asian invasion, meaning that its less likely for any one from my school to find a non-asian girlfriend, whether one is asian himself or not. Though I haven't experienced so much bitterness from any fellow asians on the specific interracial relationship thing (probably because we're all nerds who don't go out anyway), its pretty much the unspoken norm that as a good asian boy you'd go out with a good asian girl, eventually after achieving your 99 UAI. Incidentally, I personally subscribe to that plan, although I have nothing against inter-racial couples myself. However I still find the prejudice endeared in the emasculated Asian guy stereotype in general (not only in the form of relationships) at best ironically amusing, and at worst plain obscene.On that topic, people don't like to admit their prejudices and stereotypes because of their insinuated and subconcious nature, buried and disguised as common sense and 'just the way things are'. Im afraid its true - Ill always be viewed as a potential IT System's analyst, Chartered Accountant or Dry Cleaner, than actually a date.And along with these prejudices, is the source of them itself - the immigrant mindset of asian families, that creates these unbalances. The first generation asian children (which are the main asian variety in Sydney Schools) are both conciously and unconciously conditioned as outsiders by parents and society. Though it is possible to assimilate to some extent into white society, the fact is that you will always be viewed as an outsider.This transfers to the asian male working harder on academic areas, to compensate for that difference, and for the asian females to either do the same, or to use the vehicle of relationships to achieve social parity ("making it"). Historically, it has always been the women of a submissive society that have inter-married, as a form of cultural domination by those in power. Since this does not apply to males, they are then left, to no surprise, increasingly bitter.On the flipside, if you went back to the Tang Dynasty and had some filthy white barbarian from the Dark Ages turn up in the Middle Kingdom to look for some sweet pickup action, he'd find himself quite empty handed. So all I have to do is wait for China to buy out all of Australia with that undevalued currency of theirs, so all the white ladies will be all over me and my yuan.
Hispanic women look better
I don't think we should give anyone -- men or women -- props for dating only their own kind (as someone else above suggested as a solution to this "problem.") It makes perfect sense, as you say, that we are bound to date people of other races given the makeup of our society (and the fact that Asian Americans are still a small percentage of it.)I'm certain someone has done a study on interracial couples and I would bet it's on the rise. I would bet there's also been an increase in interethnic (is that a word?) couples, ie, Asians dating other Asians of a different ethnicity.BTW, we have some interesting data on the dating habits of Asian Americans in the new issue of Hyphen. When we conducted our own study on dating and sex, we found that 35 percent of thsoe reponding tended to date other Asian Americans, 30 percent had no preference for any ethnicity, and of those who did have a preference for a specific ethnicity or race, the majority of those -- 21 percent -- opted mostly for whites. (Only 1 percent each had a thing for African Americans or Latinos). Which brings us back to the question in this thread. Why white?
"that's the way it is meant to be"??Richi you are narrow minded - asians are "not meant to be" with other asian only, whites are "not meant to be" with whites only etc.Next time think properly before posting such a pathetic blog entry.
Why white? Because we live in a white male supremacy.
WHY?
I was referring to myself when I made that statement, "that's the way it is meant to be"... for meeee..but then again i do believe -asians with asians,whites with whites...in general
listen to Aussie Girl, This loser Weller and some loser called annonymous. First of all North America was founded by affluent white men that asians got a free ride on. Just like they got a free ride on american banking and industrialization.The corporate positions in America are dominated by thoses that earned it. Educated white men from european institutions.MY country does not need to be sinosized like Mongolia!IT's an outrage to listen to a "chinaman" like Weller whp probably cheated his way into a select school to call whites in Australia "Filthy Ethnics"?Maybe Hitler would have had a final solution for your race to? Who knows?I mean what's next europe?Do you people ever stop populating andoverwhelming. Thank God for SARS.I want to see the Americanization of China. How's that.I want to be the first white chairman of Levono Corporation!I want to go to Homg Kong and open an all white school. What do you think?How's about an America Town with nothing but "White" running around.First of all this loser Weller would not admit that China's entire middle class was created by the U.N. since the 1950's to open thier curreny to global markets.So if it wasn't for white China would still 3/4 wastelands and villages. Not to mention the nuclear secrets that they steal from us.Secondly if I would have showed up in a chinese peasant village in the Tang Dynasty which just means some horny chinaman king , I would have been versed in greek , latin and Aramaic. the language of classical education , as well as versed in the dialogues of Galileo . Meaning I would have knowledge of Jupier well before the poom tang dynasty knew it existed!Also China continues to undervalue it's currency against the U.S. dollar giving it unfair trade advantages. It's called the "Dollar Drain" and that's what Australia is doing to China as we speak so the fx never reaches parity. By the way this pseudo intellectual called Weller which is a white name , by the way , is using the term out of context. So he is quite the pseudo intellectual. Parit is a term for convertible corporate bonds in the public and private sector.No offense to all non-whites but the last thing I would want to be is Asain.PLease get out of Australia I want somewhere white to go to. God you people are worse than mexicans.One good thing about Chinese is that you know you are going to et good dry-cleaning and fast food!
The Andrew Lam link does not work. Here it is:http://www.imdiversity.com/villages/asian/dialogue_opinion_letters/pns_lam_homework_0705.aspThis part was also interesting:Is this a uniquely Asian problem? Of course not. But America still values the maverick, the inventor, the loudmouth class clown, the individual with a vision. American kids grow up saying "I" -- as in "I disagree" -- without a second thought.But even in America, it is not so easy for an Asian kid in a Confucian family household to say something like that. As a frequent judge of writing contests for high school students, I find it curious that many Asian American entrants, even those with a perfect command of English, don't use the first- person narrative. The word "I" doesn't appear on the page, leaving writers to struggle with the awkward "one," even when addressing issues within their own families.
Whoops - I thought u were making a racist statementCheers
i am a white male living in nyc.my girl is japanese and italian.her FATHER is japanese.i worked at a place called the japanese society.i have seen a fair share of asian guys with white girls there.i have also noticed more of these couples on the subways.as far as "fried eggs" go, i know that there is an increasing amount of white females that can be labled as such.also i know white girls that are in love with certain asian band members.in short i believe that white girls are begining to open up to asian men.
Kai Chang, it is a white male dominated society from an economic and political standpoint, but I think Melissa's question (Why White) leads back to 'why are Asians - and most notably and predominantly Asian women - so much, much, much more inclined to date\mate Whites at the near exclusion of all other 'non-Asian' catagories. This becomes especially confusing when you hear relatively widespread complaints about the 'white male hegemony' as a negative thing. See, it seems people are grumpy about white men 'running tings' but then go out and marry them anyway. Things that make you go 'hmmm'? I've heard comments that call Asians 'honorary white people' or at least the allegation that some Asians think of themselves that way. Is this 'out marrying' thing an indication of that? If so, why and why with women and not men?
Actually, I may be the anomaly here but -not to self promote or anything -I'm a pretty blond and I seek out hot asian guys. I just think they're really hot. I prefer them to my previous German/irish bf's. My biggest problem I've found is that the cultural expectations of relationships are different. I have had 3 long term relationships with asian men, the 1st was chinese, the second cambodian, My last bf's mother hated me, she was a viet immigrant, and i do not cook, and i actually don't know if my bf was too nice to me either.and I'm totally not subservient, which I can't say is what he was consciously seeking out, but holy crap! he wanted to make every decision for me and also felt free to criticize everything i do. Also I found that asians do not find white women as good wives as they dont spend their lives cleaning and cooking and serving their men, we make our own decisions and it hurt me to be so put down. I also felt that they were too free to "hang out" and spend all his time with hot girls even as friends and flirt with them and im not that open with relationships at all. My white bfs did not have such close relationships with other women as they felt it was disrespectful to me. its odd to me.im so not open. and im so not subservient. and i don't know what to do about asian mother in laws. Sorry, I love you asian men, i really am just trying to help you figure out how to solve this.
'Are you a bitter asian man' The answer is yes. Too much competition and too few asian women. I admit that during my time in the U.K. I have never dated a asian girl and Im 35 years old.'Down with white culture and racist bigots'People that exist in one society have general belief, which can be different to another society because it is a totally different culture. This is evident in other ethnic minorities e.g. black that co-exist with whites, etc because they believe in the exact stereotypes as each other. Generally it is considered that social groups often have the same or about the same opinions as each other. Stereotypes do not operate within a distinct group but in the culture that they in. These are set by media and social group representation, and generalisation stereotypes of other minorities.Most perpetrators of racism are mostly directed by whites against A/M from both sexes. While racism towards A/F, is few or none at all compared to the A/M. A/M will suffer the bluntest and direct form of racism. It is also the sole reason why there are relatively few white females that like A/M and why there is so many W/M, A/F pairings. Most A/F do not take this to account. A/M have to scacrifice and suffer, so that love between a A/F to a white male. Who is obvious ignorant of the racism directed towards their own men.Most asian men who read these sites are angry that their own women are running off with white men. They cannot accept that their own women or sisters prefer white culture to there own, when this culture has been a major factor and played a pivotal part directly against the Asian culture but especially against Asian men. A/F who date outside their race particular whites don’t really care about racial factor they only care about what happens in real life or from there experience and this has shown that the whites treat them better or even better than A/M, based on the stereotypes, which is why most don’t care or even bother with racial stereotypical factors because benefits them. The stereotypes have prevented a lot of good Asian men from getting girlfriends, who try extremely hard not to go down the stereotypical path that most white people would believe, and thus the Asian male suffer from the same stereotypical views by the A/F brought up in a white culture or by their own women and also by the whites. They are angry because white culture has treated them badly, opposed to A/F who do not seem to understand or care the racial factors that are involved and how important they are.
After reading this blog or website or whatever I have a couple of comments...or contributions (?) to make.Firstly, I'm a caucasian Australian woman in a long term live-in relationship with a Korean man. Like a previous poster on this website, I am ashamed to say that I did not pay much attention or even notice Asian men before my current relationship. Why? because, and here I agree with many of the male posters on this site, I now consider that the media and western societies in general perpetuate an unfair stereotype of Asian males in general as "dorky" or less masculine than their caucasian counterparts. I can't think of many major American or western movie which has an Asian "leading man" who gets the girl in the end, and I can't think of even one which portrays an interracial love story of a AM/WF relationship.Luckily, my boyfriend (who is VERY tall and handsome ;)) approached me in a nightclub a year and a half ago and the rest is history.However, on a different note I have to say that stereotypes about caucasian or "western" women also abound among Asian & particularly Korean (from Korea, that is) men in general - my boyfriend told me recently that he was surprised I was able to prepare a passable meal because he had been told Western women do nothing around the house and that the men are responsible for cooking & cleaning!! I've also had to put up with innappropriate comments early on in our relationship from his male friends who obviously thought I would be comfortable with their thinly masked sexual curiosity. Even recently, an acquaintance of my boyfriend (not knowing that I understand Korean now!) said to another guy in front of me (bf was in the bathroom) that my bf must be getting a good time in the sack bc white girls are crazy for sex!So, my thoughts are really that yes, a very unfair stereotype about Asian men has developed in the West, but also that I think that stereotypes abound about Western women also.
Thank you James, for reassuring me that stupidity still does exist in this world.And to think I was thinking it was all butterflies and lollipops for a little while...
"To each his (or her) own." - agreement there. Really, what's the point of trying to analyse "WHY: asian men don't go for asain women...asain women go for caucasian men...some girls want jackie chan and DBZ cartoon characters etc" the truth is, it just IS. May i add some girls also go through a phase where they want to have a boyfriend who looks like a manga character - does that mean that they'll eventually go for asian guys with big eyes? no. "Women are more into the big bad dangerous and mysterious type." - please. I'll take that to be a joke and not actually what Jeff believes. It doesn't matter who goes out with who, in the end a person goes out with someone they're comfortable with. It just so happens that there's a trend in regards to how that relationship is orientated culturally.The 'hostility towards blacks' thing was kind of random. we never said these relationships ( i think 'nelson' was referring to asian/white ones) were wholesome; we were saying why there aren't more cases where the male was asian and the female of a different nationality. in the case of nelson, im sorry you have experienced racial discrimination but asians experience that too. It is very generalised to say that 'both have condescending attitude toward black people', even if you HAVE seen it 'over and over again'.Aussie girl: don't try "get over him". you can't force yourself to anyway. you don't know for sure WHY he isn't interested. wait till after HSC, then do something...just to prove a point for this forum haha.
Why not date black women? Black women and Asian men have the same problems, lack of appreciation for their beauty/attractiveness. Why must an Asian man be with a white women? If you really don't want to be alone, go find an attractive and approachable black woman. I am sure you would be surprised as how receptive some black wome would be. If you are racist towards black women you have no right to be upset that you've fallen victim to negative racial stereotypes as well.
Aussie "Blonde" girl, It's really interesting to hear about the stereotypes of Western women in Asia. In America, the stereotypes of Asian women are that we're submissive and will do anything in bed. Supposidly we make good girlfriends because we cook and clean AND we're crazy for sex. I see there's a similar stereotype (at least regarding the sex part) of Western women in Asia as being easy. I guess the moral of the story is that women anywhere always get stereotyped on their sexual proclivities. Is this the way men define women? By what we do in bed?
yes cos "black" women are all over Australia.
I know why I am single, but it is discouraging to hear that my brothers out there isn't faring well with the ladies. I have gotten cold looks and rejected many times. I am gone to the clubs many times. I got rejected mainly because I am for one skinny 5'11 Asian and I don't have a lot to bring to the table (i.e. rich, big social circle). So I am working on that. But I am wonder how true is all this? Can someone send me an answer.
It's not just Asian men that fear rejection. It's the way men of all races are wired. MEN FEAR REJECTION AND WOMEN FEAR ABANDONMENT. This dating market disparity with Asian men always on the short end of stick is a two way disparity. It's not just White men winning over Asian men. It's also Black men winning over Asian men. (There are ample times when Black men win over White men too). However, it's usually White men beating Asian men in the competition.Why is it happening? I think, it's because males of dominant ethnicity have built in advantage. Their standard, language (English), culture, movies (Hollywood) dominate over Asian counterparts. For example, for a white man to date an Asian girl, he does NOT need to gain fluency in Asian girl's Asian language. However, very rarely can an Asian men date a White girl without having (perfect) fluency in English.There is also stupid racist and sexist stereotype of Asian men as being dominant, abusive, small (namely in private part). It's almost totally ignored and unspoken of that while there's plenty of ridicules about the size of Asian men's smallness, yet rarely are there such ridicules about Asian women's smallness (in that body part). If there's any truth about the exaggerated smallness of Asian male reproductive organ, there's equal truth in smallness and flatness in Asian female breast.This is unfair. This is a very divisive and inflammatory issue. Yet there's nothing much that can be done about it. I can't help thinking if this disparity did not exist, that probably would not reduced the chance of a lonely isolated Asian guy turning into a mass murderer at VT. No doubt, it would have stopped this kind of bitter and inflammatory tension in Asian community.To hell with it all, we all have to go sooner or later.
MUT I think you are seriously missing the point of the previous blog. The point isn't just for bitter asian men to seek black women for companions as a "substitute" for white females...but for them to seek other minority nationalities, in other words, there are other females besides whites who are willing to form a relationship with asians - you should cut down on your sarcastic remarks, these are just opinions - you have them, I have them, everyone has them.
Sarcasm is a form of argument,its not like I was being hostile. He's welcome to be an ass back if he wants to.And meh, girls are girls, western society is geared against asian guys in some way, hence the social disparity at the moment. Who cares, this debate isn't going anywhere.
this discussion is disgusting, we should proper ourselves in other ways, we should find strength in ourselves. We won the korean war, half of japanese empire has been cut up and given to us for peaceful resolution of WW2. We are not happy, we shouldnt be happy we must aid those who are beneficial to us, for example the al qaida.
Seriously George and Phil U,You guys got to stop whining. I apologize for being blunt. I made that first statement because I’ve read all of your comments and came to realization that you guys constructed your own miseries. What I mean is that you guys got hurt once (by white girls, Asian girls, or society in general) and then found ways to justify staying hurt. An example is when one of you said that Asian men are at the bottom of the totem pole because you couldn’t get a decent Asian girl (or a decent white girl) to f*ck [which is your own limiting belief that caused you guys perpetual hurt], and that girls (particularly Asian girls, relating to the thread’s subject) choose white guys; this was based on, I’m assuming, the former inabilities to lead and retain normal relationships with Asian and/or white girls [your temporary hurt]. My point is: don’t keep yourself down, guys, if you think that the society hates Asian guys then you’ll walk around wounded and then everyone (including the girls in our race) would think lowly of you. Walk straight up and “smile, and the world will smile with you.” I’m talking from experience guys.I was a limping Asian dude UNTIL I started thinking that I needed to IMPROVE MYSELF, instead of beating myself down. And guess what? I met lots of hot white girls and girls of other ethnic groups who thought and still think that being with me and around me is “a step up,” and not “a step down” as what someone in your mind frame might think. How did I meet them? By doing activities (hobbies, etc.) that I enjoying doing and they happened to be there, not by chasing them down the street like a dirty pervert or leering at them from afar.Oh, and all my serious relationships happened to be with petite blondes. But I also love Asian girls. And for some reason they love me back. That “some reason” is that THEY FELT PLEASURE AROUND ME BECAUSE I MADE THEM COMFORTABLE… BY BEING COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF. I remember this gorgeous, sensual Filipina-cross-Chinese girl. I met her in only two months and we instantly became extremely close with each other. I hung out with her, a lot, but not on this one occasion-- I had a friend come hang out with me at the local Barnes & Noble café; he was Asian as well. He rushed to the café table and told me that he saw a hot Asian girl who was dressed in flirty, really short shorts, and a tight v-neck vintage t-shirt in the B&N book area, when he came in. It was her, my female friend; she was in this big bookstore and I must have not seen her. I didn’t plan on her being there.In the café chair he told me that he wanted to bone her. He didn’t know her (*he also didn’t know that she was a very close friend of mine). I thought that it would be interesting to see how he would act on his comment to me about boning her, so I encouraged him to go walk to the book display, where she was standing, and talk to her, and get her to come over or whatever. He said, “No way.” He was intimidated by her “healthy” appearance. Plus, he saw her talking to a white guy earlier-- he told me that. He instantly thought that this hot Asian girl would never be seen dead with an Asian guy (he assumed wrong; she and I hung out a lot and spend lots of time at each other’s place. And that mentality stopped him from meeting her. It also caused him to immediately act depressed. I was not amused at his self-defeating attitude. “If he didn’t have the balls to want to met that Asian girl, my close friend, then why would I call her over to sit down with us,” I thought to myself. So when she walked towards the door to leave the bookstore, I hid my face behind a magazine I was reading because I didn’t want her to come over to the café table if she saw me. [Side note: if my guy friend actually went up to talk to her, I would immediately wave to her and get her and him to sit down together with me at the café table. From that common ground, they would probably be in the sack together after a couple of dates. But it didn’t happened. By the way, I didn’t want to date her myself because I was enjoying free time for myself. I recently stop dating three girls that I was non-exclusively being with. (Not at the same time, you pervert.)]The moral of the story is… don’t assume that it’s the girl’s fault (believing that she doesn’t like to be around Asian guys or date Asian guys) that you, an Asian guy, didn’t talk to the girl, but instead realize that everything is within your realm to make real.Man, that was wordy. Wasn’t it? Okay, in shorthand: Stop screwing yourselves over with that head of yours, and start screwing girls with that “head” of yours.
jamesusmc81 said:I would really like to applaud this blog. A lot of genuine points being made. I'm a white male who grew up In and all black town. I am also first generation american. I feel like somehow because of this I have a kinship with asian men. I kind of understand their anger. White men say the same thing around here. I think in the end asian men get screwed by the numbers. If an insignificant amount of white men date asian women, because of the population differences you get hit waaay harder. Some of those guys have fetishes (a lot of them are fascinated with asian culture in general so it applies), but not all of them. I think if it's a situation where the asian partner was adopted or in an area where they are the only asian then it's prbly true love on the white persons side. Maybe on the asian partners side it could be a subconcious longing for full acceptance. These people also have based their whole lives around a white pop. so that's how they norm their standards. In the end it's a tough situation you guys are in, I can only say it'll get better for you in the next couple of years. As for white women who date non white men but not asian men, I would say from growing up in the community that I did, a lot of them are rebelling against their dad or responding to what they define as hip on mtv. Asian men are so close to white, they're just not rebellious enough. This is all based on women under the age of 19 so they aren't making mature decisions about relationship, so take my observations with a grain of salt.Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post James. Im a 6 foot 195, attractive asian man, but I have, over the years, developed HUGE chips on my shoulders, that probably will never go away. And for much of my later life, I have hated white men -- not entirely out of choice, if you can believe it, I dont want to hate, I grew up believing in American egalitarianism. But the blatant racism I saw in the dating world left me jaded. Hearing your post has left me with a different perspective... I appreciate it, thanks.
I'm a white female and I am really attracted to asian men, I understand that there may not be a lot of girl out there like me, but there are people out here how like asian men. I tend to feel the same of what you are saying here. I mostly see Asian men with Asian women and I feel really intimidated to go up to an Asian guy and talk to him, because I'm afraid he might think me some awkward American girl or something like that.As for "fetish", I feel that refers to mainly just sexual things or pleasurable things in general, so I wouldn't really use it unless I was describing a girl that wanted to get it on with only asian men, or something. As many people have stated, people are sometimes more attracted to one race, just based on their own preferences than others. I happen to like guys with dark hair and dark eyes and a bit shorter than most, and Asians fit into that category.I really think that Asian men should feel comfortable asking a Caucasian, Latino, African American, or any race out there. If a girl rejects you because of your race, it's because the girl is either an idiot, superficial, a racist, a combination of these or all of the above. So please, if you like a girl of a different race, don't feel afraid that she might not like you because you aren't blue eyed and blonde and might be a bit shorter than most American men. That's selling yourself really short.I do also think that a lot of asian men, especially men that have recently come over don't tend to marry or date American women because of cultural standards back in their home countries. Obviously, most Asian countries consider the man as the held of the family and that's a fact that we can't get around. Sometimes it's hard for them to get over these cultural differences, but also I think they might stereotype foreign women as all being head-strong, domineering, controlling people, which not all of us are.(But I'm sure most of the people here have lived here most of their lives or a large part of it and have adjusted quite a bit to the American culture.)
would be to 'screw' women? Not get to know them, but just screw them. hmmmm.you are 'smooth like butter', buddy.
Alrightie people this is going to sound really random but this is a message to RELAX:Hey. Why have you not contributed to this discussion for ages?? - unless you are in some remote country where there is no net for a business trip, I will let you off the hook - lolWell anyways you make this blog-site that little bit more interesting, so if you are reading this REPLY!!
you guys worship Caucasions?
Whoa – I been on camp and thus have missed a lot of interesting comments made by various people…To RELAX –I am feeling great!! I am OVER him…you see, I have just returned from a camp, and surprise, surprise…you guessed it – ‘he’ was there…well, I spent quite a lot of time with him…and he is dull. I am no longer attracted to him – I am dumbfounded at what I saw in him initially…he cannot string more than two sentences together, he is arrogant, he is a flirt, he is a …to cut a long story short – he is not the guy I want. You were right my wise RELAX – it was just a crush – and a very long one as well. The reason why is stretched for so long, was because I did not really know him…in my head I had built him up to be this great gentlemen, funny, attractive, smart...etc. But when I spent time with him, his true colours were revealed and I was NOT impressed. NOW do not get me wrong…if anyone else is reading this – I love Asians – I mean they don’t have chest hair, they have minimum facial hair and body hair, they are usually lean (thus you don’t have the fear of them bloating up if you decide to marry them), they are smart, they are funny, they are witty – plus when you mix an Asian with a non-Asian the result is usually astounding – and you have one hot person. Thus it is a win-win situation for all. Please note – that this time last year, I never even considered an Asian to be dating-material. Therefore for all the Asian men out there, you guys are the best, don’t let any air-head tell you different – this is coming from a white girl – we are NOT racist – so next time you see a white girl that you are attracted to, let the true you penetrate – and trust me…you will have one fun night as a result.To Jeff -“Women are more into the big bad dangerous and mysterious type” – you my friend, crack me up. But I will not elaborate because you are ‘bad’ and ‘dangerous’ – and I don’t want any hostility on this blog. But I will say this: hahahahahahaTo Sic –I let time help me – time spent with ‘him’ cured me. I am not going to prove a point on this forum at the expense of myself or others – that will not be fair. Instead I thank you, it seems that you are one of the very few that actually understood what I went through – what I had to endure for months. And you shared some valuable encouragement which assisted me in this leg on my journey – so I genuinely thank you.
I wish I had found this thread sooner.The other day I was at a barbecue. My boyfriend is white, his roommate is a white girl dating a hapa man. I too am hapa, although often people mistake me for fully Asian. So anyway, it was the hapa boyfriend's barbecue, and he has lots of Asian and hapa friends, both male and female. However, I could not help but notice people's reactions when they realized that the white guy over there was my boyfriend. But nothing said about his white girlfriend? How very very annoying and unfair.The problem with the Bitter Asian Men site is that these two guys are very young (everyone has relationship problems, especially at that age) and in the sciences. Not very sexy. But it's not even that they're into the sciences, it's that they don't even try to make the sciences look sexy! What are they passionate about, anyway?I haven't dated a fully-Asian man because I haven't met one that interested me, not because I have ruled them out. Bitter Asian men should, instead of pulling the race card (because you'll only prevent yourself from dating by being bitter), focus on being an interesting, hip person. Wow the girls with your scintillating brilliantness and creativity and whatever else you've got, not with the fact that you're Asian or with a laundry list of academic achievements, as the Bitter Asian Men website does (snore).There are sub-cultures to the subcultures, and ethnicity isn't enough (and shouldn't be enough) to make a match. I also resent the notion that Asian women MUST date an Asian man (and vice versa). How oppressive is this! How "blud und boden"! A woman doesn't belong to a man by virtue of ethnic category.Recently I saw a tee-shirt that said "everyone loves a mixed girl." Thank you to the person who came up with that one--a tee-shirt that I can wear! And thanks to the people that can defy social pressures for the one they love and mix it up.
Ahhh!"Actually, I may be the anomaly here but -not to self promote or anything -I'm a pretty blond and I seek out hot asian guys."Yeah, and like omg totally for sure.Ok, this idiot aside, there are plenty of intelligent hot respectable women of all races who are "into" asian guys or whatever,People: stop trying to get into white girls' heads instead try to get in thier pants.Confidence is ALWAYS a turn on.Also penis size: i have to comment on this:Guys of any race if you happen to be a little small or whatever consider this: good girls dont have huge vaginas and it shouldnt be a problem. if they do, think twice before sleeping with her then because im sure you'd rather not have a small penis AND an std.Girls who like to take care of themselves and remain tight do not like huge penises... ouch.ok and also this:"last bf's mother hated me, she was a viet immigrant, and i do not cook, and i actually don't know if my bf was too nice to me either.and I'm totally not subservient, which I can't say is what he was consciously seeking out, but holy crap! he wanted to make every decision for me and also felt free to criticize everything i do. Also I found that asians do not find white women as good wives as they dont spend their lives cleaning and cooking and serving their men, we make our own decisions and it hurt me to be so put down."I can see why the viet mom hated you: you seem like a lazy and selfish girl. Would it have killed you to help her peel vegetables or something? ahhh what kind of man do you want anyways. There is always a trade off in any partnership. "I do not cook"Good for you, so living by yourself you'd waste all your $ on takeout? Would you be feeding your kids mc dough at the drive thru too when you have some?Boo!Also, maybe he was criticizing you because he was being a good partner?Anyways I would see it as an upgrade to get married to an asian man with good parents who are strict because these days Canada is going to hell with America and everyone is turning into fat entitled slobs.---almost everyone=)
AUSSIE GIRLIve been down that road before. You are young, When High school ends thats when the fun begins. No rush to fall in love just meet people and enjoy your youth when you mature love will come. Im in my early 30s. My problem is one woman cannot satisfy me. I luv beautiful woman. I have a thing for beautiful Hispanic woman and as you know Asians. Im in Brisbane on the last leg of my buissness trip. Finnished training earlier than expected then off to the states, Home. No Hispainc girls in Aussie, but I guess the Asian chicks make up for a lack of. I guess ill take the long ride to the Gold Coast for some fun. You Aussies crack me up.
i have a bone to pick with bitter asian men. why aren't they trying to date latinas, or african americans, or arabs, or native americans, or ... ? if you're gonna complain about being discriminated against because of your race, you better be correct yourself!
Brisbane hey…well there would definitely be no Hispanic and few Asians to satisfy your overwhelming lust for beautiful women…oh well, you are returning to the States soon – thus you don’t have to wait that long to feel ‘satisfied’ hehe.On a more serious note, RELAX you sound as though you are one to ‘move around’ – like you cannot settle down with the one woman – perhaps, that may be due to your occupation – or maybe I am just reading too much into your previous message…whoops – we are not really contributing to the initial discussion…something about Asian men and white women…or was it the other way around?? LOL
i won't call them white's they are actually pink with pig like skin who want's do date with a pig anyway huh!
what's with the panda logo on the bitter asian men site? it looks like it's menstruating or something, pms panda.
I'm an Asian man, absolutely not bitter. I've dated Polish, Portugese, German, Danish, Peruvian, Black, Korean, Chinese, Filipino, American. I don't see what the problem is for these Asian guys who want to date White women. I rarely date Asian women, I prefer to date white women, or European women, and I have no trouble dating them.To date white women, you can't be timid. Have some confidence, be outgoing, be a good conversationalist, flirtatious, assertive, and the list goes on and on. There are many women out there who can appreciate Asian men, you just have to show them. And if you hang out with only Asian people, it will absolutely help to hang out with people outside of your own race. Women in general are all the same, they are ready for a man to treat them like a lady, that goes for all races. Being timid and introverted is not treating her like a lady. Most of all know how to have fun with them.
I do agree with Claire. I have Asian friends who are too afraid of rejection that they never try asking girls of other races... then they turn around and complain about the girls.
It has been suggested that Asian women date white men because it is a bump up in status. I am Indian (South Asian) and I have to say that is completely false where it relates to South Asians. I have a few relatives that married white people and they are basically outcasts with regard to our community. In American society I can see that it would make life easier with respect to day-to-day life. I've noticed that I get better treatment at resteraunts, grocery stores, shopping malls and even when I am using public transportation when I am out with my white friends as opposed to by myself or with my east and south asian friends. It can be hurtful to have people glare at you with unfriendly stares and sometimes people can make comments that make you feel horrible. It is understandable that girls would want to be with white guys, consciously or subconsciously, as a sort of defense mechanism rather than a status thing.
one of guys says that "unfortunely he prefers asian girls". oh well..

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