Are You A Bitter Asian Man?

July 13, 2005

Hello. Very busy. Going out of town for work. But thought I'd leave you with these fine links:

It was only a matter of time before there would be a site like this: Bitter Asian Men Why are they so bitter? Cause white girls AND asian girls won't date them. Probably doesn't help when Jackie Chan says white guys should marry Chinese women in order to spread Chinese culture. Huh? Wow, that is whack.
Bitter Asian Men, I want you to know there are Asian women out there who date Asian men. I don't know what's up with Asian women who won't date Asian men. Hey, it's their loss. More Asian men for me!

Here's a cover story on Tom Shimura (you may know him as rapper Lyrics Born) in the East Bay Express.

And Asian kids, stop emailing Andrew Lam to ask him to help with your homework about his short stories. Lam ruminates on the cultural reasons they're writing in. An excerpt: "I find it curious that many Asian American entrants, even those with a perfect command of English, don't use the first- person narrative. The word "I" doesn't appear on the page, leaving writers to struggle with the awkward "one," even when addressing issues within their own families."

Contributor: 

Melissa Hung

Founding Editor

Melissa Hung is the founding editor of Hyphen. She was the editor in chief for the magazine's first five years and went on to serve in many other leadership roles on the staff and board for more than a decade. She is a writer and freelance journalist. Her essays and reported stories have appeared in NPR, Vogue, Pacific Standard, Longreads, and Catapult, among others. A native Texan, she lives in California. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Comments

Comments

Give it time dudes. I think we Asian men are just late blooming or that white women have only recently begun to notice us. Eventually the more Asian women outdate, white women would feel alienated and be curious about Asian men too. I see this happening in LA already. Compared to a decade ago, I have to say I see a bit more Asian men with white women. We are not on parity level yet, but it seems the disparity will even out in one generation or the next. An Asian guy born here (America), takes care of himself physically (good nutrition, some athletic look), wears Calvin Klein or Sean Jean should have no trouble hooking up with a cute white girl.I on the otherhand, only liked Hispanic Latino women. They seem more picky than white girls. But, that is part of the game. Can't hate the player, hate the game. We just have to continue playing along with it.Oh, I have always been the one who is the aggressor and holla at girls. A couple of the girls I dated told me that outspokenness and being flirtatious just looked a bit strange on Asian men. At first, they said it made me look a little desperate. They just couldn't envision an Asian man trying to be Don Juan. But, my persistence paid off.Trust me, we have read the handwriting on the wall and we learn from our environ. We struggle, and we adapt. It just takes time and patience. This makes the whole thing more special and unique. We earn our love. It does not just fall from the sky for us.
To Dawn Marie-Ali: Ive been all over the Pacific and if I had to choose between Western, and Eastern, Ill pick Eastern Women any day. Theres really nothing special about Western Women. Ive been to India, Malaysia, and Singapore. Large Indian populations, Indian woman along with Spanish woman are the best in the World.
To keiriruisu:I am truly sorry, I did not mean to use this site as a means to use and abuse when I requested advice…I guess I meant it to be a rhetorical-like question. And concerning your response, yes it is true that there are other Asians (a very small minority) who do seem to enjoy the companion of non-Asians…however it is not the same, these are non-Asians males with Asian females. Perhaps I did not make myself clear (I probably sounded too dramatic), when I wrote “FULL of Asians”…that is what I meant – need proof?? Well this year seven, out of 150 students that are enrolled, ALL of them are Asians (NB I am including Indians in this statistic – however, the majority are of Asian heredity). Please do not form the wrong idea of Australia, this is the first time ever that this enrolment figure has occurred also you must keep in mind that this school is the top school in Sydney (I think in Australia as well) academically thus subsequently it would have a lot of Asians (no offense, but Asians are placed under a lot of pressure from the word go…).To jimshi:I would firstly like to point out that you sound very educated and thus I consider your words very valuable. About Christianity being important, we met at a Christian camp…thus we have one VERY important thing in common. He is not one to ‘brag’ (that term is not used here much in Australia – I have only stumbled across it in American novels and movies), yes he does enjoy the attention of others, yet I am sure he would not exploit the situation and ‘brag’. He still has strong ties with his culture, yet seems to have really adjusted to the Australian culture (he was born here) as well; I could even go as far as saying ‘mastering it’. However the same cannot be said about his parents and older sisters (who have married Asians). May I ask you a question (anyone else can feel free to respond as well) – why did you write… “He’d probably just brag to his friends how he got a white girl anyway”…I mean what is there to ‘brag’ about? Do Asians assume that ‘white-girls’ (NB yes I am white, however my eye and hair features are dark and due to my exposure to the sun I am relatively tanned – or am I taken that too literal??) are more superior than ‘asian-girls’ – why?? I mean asian girls are thin with straight silky hair (in most circumstances)…thus it cannot be a physical barrier, what else??NB Prior to meeting him, I was with a British for 2-3 year, I broke up with him because I honestly shared a real innocent yet beautiful moment with the Asian – as a result the British had a nervous break down. It was not a physical attraction to the Asian (as opposed to the British) but a spiritual and internal attraction, so please do not create the wrong impression of me (after all, if feels as though I am representing Australia girls and the Australia Asian men on this blog…LOL)Oh and another thing, you Americans are really fast in replying…I am truly impressed!!
To keiriruisu:I am truly sorry, I did not mean to use this site as a means to use and abuse when I requested advice…I guess I meant it to be a rhetorical-like question. And concerning your response, yes it is true that there are other Asians (a very small minority) who do seem to enjoy the companion of non-Asians…however it is not the same, these are non-Asians males with Asian females. Perhaps I did not make myself clear (I probably sounded too dramatic), when I wrote “FULL of Asians”…that is what I meant – need proof?? Well this year seven, out of 150 students that are enrolled, ALL of them are Asians (NB I am including Indians in this statistic – however, the majority are of Asian heredity). Please do not form the wrong idea of Australia, this is the first time ever that this enrolment figure has occurred also you must keep in mind that this school is the top school in Sydney (I think in Australia as well) academically thus subsequently it would have a lot of Asians (no offense, but Asians are placed under a lot of pressure from the word go…).To jimshi:I would firstly like to point out that you sound very educated and thus I consider your words very valuable. About Christianity being important, we met at a Christian camp…thus we have one VERY important thing in common. He is not one to ‘brag’ (that term is not used here much in Australia – I have only stumbled across it in American novels and movies), yes he does enjoy the attention of others, yet I am sure he would not exploit the situation and ‘brag’. He still has strong ties with his culture, yet seems to have really adjusted to the Australian culture (he was born here) as well; I could even go as far as saying ‘mastering it’. However the same cannot be said about his parents and older sisters (who have married Asians). May I ask you a question (anyone else can feel free to respond as well) – why did you write… “He’d probably just brag to his friends how he got a white girl anyway”…I mean what is there to ‘brag’ about? Do Asians assume that ‘white-girls’ (NB yes I am white, however my eye and hair features are dark and due to my exposure to the sun I am relatively tanned – or am I taken that too literal??) are more superior than ‘asian-girls’ – why?? I mean asian girls are thin with straight silky hair (in most circumstances)…thus it cannot be a physical barrier, what else??NB Prior to meeting him, I was with a British for 2-3 year, I broke up with him because I honestly shared a real innocent yet beautiful moment with the Asian – as a result the British had a nervous break down. It was not a physical attraction to the Asian (as opposed to the British) but a spiritual and internal attraction, so please do not create the wrong impression of me (after all, if feels as though I am representing Australia girls and the Australia Asian men on this blog…LOL)Oh and another thing, you Americans are really fast in replying…I am truly impressed!!
WHOOPS - I accidently sent it twice!!
Aussie Girl, hey, I didn't mean any offence, I was just trying to point out that maybe if you wanted real advice about it you might not be able to find it here, hehe.As for jimshi, I feel really bad that you feel as though you can't "escape your cultural identity". I realize it's a big issue to marry someone of a different race in a lot of Asian families. I've never personally had my parents say I couldn't date/marry a specific race, so I don't really know what that's like. I didn't think there was THAT much pressure to marry within your specific race/religion. I almost want to say, "get over it, you are an adult and can make your own decisions" easily, because I've had disagreements about my future/life with my parents, but I've never had them tell me I had to do something like that, so I know that I might do just as you are now. I can tell that you obviously value your family, and it would be a big choice to do something you know they would dissaprove of. Maybe your mother could change her mind sometime, maybe after seeing a successful relationship between a Chinese and non-Chinese person.. I don't know. It just seems really sad that you can't date/marry people like that because you don't want to dissapoint your mother. But good luck, either way, ne?
I stumbled upon this website by accident and found myself very interested in what everyone has had to say.As a white woman, I find it difficult to listen to talk of white women as being thought of as the 'gold standard'. I certainly think the media and the (unfair) power distributions in this country over the ages have done more than their share in perpetuating white women as the 'ideal'. Personally, this makes me extremely uncomfortable & I hope it changes. I don't want someone dating me for my whiteness, as if I'm a trophy, anymore than an Asian-American male would want to be rejected solely due to his ethnicity.That said, I recently ended a relationship was with a Filipino-American man. He was my first 'serious' interracial dating experience. I reluctantly admit that in the beginning, I had to deal with subconsciously internalized stereotypes associated w/ asian males & sexuality. I liked him, we got along great, had tons in common, but I was starting to think of him in non-sexual terms only. I challenged my newly unhidden stereotypes. (There is nothing more unpleasant for a liberal white feminist to discover she has (EEK!) somehow developed and not yet overcame some stereotypical thought pattern!) I gave this guy a second chance and was pleasantly surprised.I also admit that following our relationship, when I see an attractive asian male, I do often give him a second look. Have I developed a fetish? No. I'm simply more open to my dating possiblities. Would I date another asian-american man? Yes, just as I would date any other race/ethnicity. If anything, I'm a little turned off by white men as of late because many (w/o being too stereotypical!) seem ambivalent to their white male privelege, which, frankly, is a turn-off.These are just the experiences & opinions of one German-Czech-Scottish-English-French-American (aka Caucasian) woman...hopefully this helps :)
Aussie Girl:Move on, you are young and really havent experienced anything in life yet. This is just some school girl crush. They come and they go. You will fall in and out of love a million times before you find your true love. Your still in High School for crying out loud. This is from a wise man. Just enjoy life, meet new friends and look for a new memories.
Dear Aussie Girl. You dated a singaporean from singapore? You read about jap males? A majority of my childhood was spent living outside of asia and the main cultural influences of my childhood and teenagehood has been the western culture. It really has been a mix of australian, britain and america. However, I have grown up in an australian territory my whole life, have been taught by australian teachers my whole life, have sung the anthem for my whole life, but given circumstances of how I grew up and the fact that I came from a poor background and the fact that I am chinese; most main stream australians and the politicians have considered me an alien. I now mainly reside in mainstream australia and have been here long enough to understand, what a hypocritical stance white australians has taken towards people like me. They've only accepted us because the rest of asia is going to pour lots of money into this country.I am asian but have no idea of asia and my own background. People like me have never been fully accepted by society, have never been respected by them and probably never will, however they have kindly allowed us to live in their country. Kindly? Its all based on commercial and political reasons and in a way it makes me sick. I am now stuck in this country, having now become an asian who has a huge disgust and hate for foreign asian males from countries like japan, taiwan, korea, hong kong, singapore. A huge disgust for white females like Aussie Girl. Everytime I see a white female, and she looks at me..(which they tend to because all of a sudden I look appealing due to the large number of asians, but hey honestly, I still look kinda the same as before when you white people thought I was a freak).., I wonder if she even knows of that I DIFFERENTIATE myself from those that truly came from asia. This is all I ever do when I see a white girl, please please dont ever ever think Im from japan, hong kong, singapore, korea or taiwan. Because if you do I will end up finding you an absolute turn off and become even more depressed. Don't ever ask me why, but this is the way I turned out, having to constantly surpress my feelings. I actually choose to surpress my feelings because of the exact events that happened in my life, in others and in australia. I am stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck. I can't never like an asian girl. I simply can't and I will not pretend. I am now having to live with the remnants of the illusions I had with white girls. I can blame, America, Britain or Australia I want. Nothing will change for me and my sick feelings will always be there. I pray so hard each day it doesnt become something worse like hate. I need to leave this country. And please dont reply. First and last post.
White Girl:Do white Woman really think they are trophies? What is dating someone for their whiteness?. Just curious, Im a different type of Asian. Im against things that are mainstream. Im not attracted to White Women So im curious.
This dialogue drifted while I disappeared!Just checking in...nothing new here questioner...as before, I have things to work on on my own before the whole relationship thing.But I still feel disadvantaged in the whole "game."I am not a member of the model minority, so people who even think I may at least be a doctor or engineer will be displeased...although the values of those who judge others' success based on such criteria are not people I should find much in common with anyway...right?I'm not tall (seems to be a uh, large issue), or attractive by traditional standards...Which I think rules out a lot of people: those who value "high class" professions, and those who value aesthetic. I can see good in both, but I don't fit either model perfectly, or closely really. So I still think it will be tough, because despite how much people don't say they value such things, I think there is at least a little bit of that kind of discrimination initially. And that's where it counts.In the meantime I'd rather work on my own life anyway...there's a lot to do and perhaps as a defense mechanism, I feel like there's not enough time for a relationship.BUT, I do wish I just had more female encounters--as friends (and as before, a lot of females seem to want husbands, and not just friends).Who knows! I'd like to think it would work out, but I have basically no female friends, and I don't know how this came to be. Waaah.I haven't even had a real date in my life. :-/Thanks for asking though...hopefully something will manifest soon. I do believe that I have a greater advantage the more I work on my own life. So here we go...
To relax:‘Move on’ – that is great, but I have a problem…you see NOT only is my school filled with Asians…but also my church is an Asian-church (I have attended it for a year now, my Asian scripture teacher invited me and I been there since)…thus what if the next guy is an Asian…I mean can you truly blame me if it was considering my circumstance?? And about this being some ‘school-girl crush’ I am not that young (I will be an adult next year – oh, here in Australia to be 18 entitles you to have the same responsibilities and privileges as adults) AND this attraction to him has stretched over a year now…doesn’t sound so much like ‘some girl crush’ to me. However, I appreciate the time you have allocated to respond to my desperate blog, I hope I am not intruding – after all I am not American, I am not an Asian and I am not a man.
Whatthe and certified psycho, I think you both need professional help...
I have one solution....Let's all stick to our own kind...If we did that this wouldn't be an issue...Why are you all trying to analyse why "this race" is not liking "that race"...."Why this??Why that??Let's see....hmmmm... "This is my theory"....I can care less if white,black,hispanic or any other females do not find me attractive or don't see me as husband/boyfriend material...I'm on this freaking planet for a purpose......it sure isn't figuring out what another IMPERFECT human being thinks of me..
Aussie Girl:I work in the travel buisness. Ive been to Sydney on numerous occasions and due to go there soon. The point im making is it doesnt matter if you are Aussie, American, Asian, or man. To me Australians were just funny speaking Americans that play a dumb sport called Rugby. You sound like my 17 year old niece. You have a School Girl crush on someone that obviously dont feel the same about you. You can either move on, or be second best. Why do women love to have things they cannot have?
To Anonymous –‘Australians were just funny speaking Americans that play a dumb sport called Rugby’ – to make such a poor generalized comment about Australians makes me strongly doubt what u have to say (sorry if I sound very judgmental) – however your response to ‘Why do women love to have things they cannot have’ well it is simply because it is exciting, it gives us something to dress up for, something to dream about – thus it add sparks to our lives; we now have a mission: to get what we want. Oh what, something just click – perhaps I am really attracted to the Asian (I should use a different name…) because he seems not to show an attraction in return (NB I would not have a crush on him if I did not think I had a chance – I can tell there is something from last year’s moment that is still there) – thus I find him exciting – could that be it? Oh and another thing, when u wrote that ‘you sound like my 17 year old niece’ that hurt – it makes me sound inferior, somewhat child-like – you broadcast this comparison in a negative light.Whoops – I am not really contributing to this discussion – I promise I will try in the future
The sooner you BAM's realise that being bitter and angry at "white girls" isn't going to help; the sooner you'll be able to escape this crap.Stop treating all "white girls" as a single entity. Not ALL white girls hate asian guys....just as not ALL asian guys are skinny, acne-infested, unathletic and generally unnattractive nerds.whatthe's blind hate is the perfect example. He says he has "disgust" for Aussie Girl despite the fact that she is in fact accepting of asian boys and the fact that he has nothing on her other than a random internet tag. Utter stupidity.You bitter asian men need to snap out of it and stop being hypocritical. Stop prematurely judging all white girls and saying that they all "hate us". How the hell can you hate them for apparently judging you on your race when you're doing the exact same thing?
Aussie Girl:Im just going to be blunt. Its appears to be over. He has moved on and so should you. You cant force someone to be with you. You are young. You will meet other interesting men in the future. Give it a chance, in time all your wounds will heal, trust me. Enjoy your life why you can. I wish I was 18 years old. The worse thing you can do to a man is stroke his eggo, Dont do that. Why make someone feel more important than what they are. Also, its time to play games, when men know a woman is love sick over him. We like to play games with their hearts, well because what ever we do we know the woman will justify her luv by excusing stupidy. Which is what you are doing. Well you are headed for a wreck. This is just one of those lessons that you will learn. We do not have the answers for you, time does. By the way, is his girlfriend cute? The one he dumped you for?
Phil: "I do wish I just had more female encounters--as friends (and as before, a lot of females seem to want husbands, and not just friends)."You are hanging out in the wrong crowd dude! There are plenty of women who want guys as friends, not just mates. If the women you are meeting seem to only care about career and aesthetics (ie status) as you claim, then you are hanging round the wrong places and around the wrong people. Go out there and do something you like and maybe you won't meet such shallow people.Rick: Stick to our own kind? Now, I'm all for Asians loving other Asians, but come on, this is America in the 21st century, not the 50s. You can't go around these days sticking to your own and not interacting with different people.
To Han:No. White women in general do not think of themselves as "trophies". I think you misunderstood my comments. I do, however, believe most of us recognize that a white standard of beauty IS what mainstream culture has perpetuated & that we, as white women, benefit from this to to some degree (unfair as it may be). As stated previously, I do not want to be equated with the 'gold standard' in dating based solely on my whiteness (see previous entries by other folks)-- this is what I'm referring to by someone 'dating me for my whiteness'. Hope this clarifies matters...
Anna,I never said anything about not interacting with other people.I interact with people of different races all the time.I was referring to not getting involved romantically.It's wonderful to have friends of other races,but when it comes to romance...
Aussie girl:I said he might brag to his friends,because deep down in every Asianguy, and every man or woman,is the need to proprogate his geneticline or feed the ego. Anyone who tellsyou differently is 1 of 3 things:1)an overidealized virgin2)a liar3)so enlightened we should worship himNow from your own comments, yousay he enjoys the attention. Everyguy enjoys attention from women.It gives them a sense of power andconfidence. Why else do men flirtwith women they are not attracted,and vice versa.A boy of his 'excellence' probably hasnothing to gain except more ego fromyour attention. it becomes a sourceof pride, especially if he is asperfect as you make him sound. Andpride does not exist in vacuum. it isconstantly fed by other people and incomparison to other people.SO i say that he brags to his friends,perhaps not in an explicit sense -"i banged that chick", but as a woman,are giving him attention and thatgives him status over his buddies.A small ego-boost, self-bragging,self-assurance -- sort ofnarcissism. Being a differnetrace is just icingon the cake. It'd be the sameif you were black, mexican, indian,etc. Although White being the moredesired or GOld standard, it's likegetting headhunted by Google or Microsoft as opposed to someno name brand.I honestly believe you shouldjust ask this guy out and see what hedoes. Fate favors the bold. A manwho won't date outside his race,is unlikely to take the first step.If you really like this guy, you needto take control.It's a huge ego risk, but honestly,it saves you time and the painyou feel now will be better thanthe unresolved obsession afterward.Anyway.. who knows if I'm right,you'll never know til you ask theguy out and see what's he all about.Friendship is always a betteralternative and a more accessible step,to starting a relationship.But that's just my own philisophy,and a whole new debate on its own.
...you should find someone you love and that loves you and together you make each other feel better and stronger. and that means you shouldn't lock people out because of their race because you might miss the person that fits best with you.
To Relax:Thanks for being blunt, I am blunt myself (although I sometimes try so hard not to reveal it) plus I value your honesty…however the thing is, he has NOT moved on, he has NO girlfriend. Thus your words: “By the way, is his girlfriend cute? The one he dumped you for?” makes NO SENSE – perhaps you have misread my previous blogs (which is understandable – I don’t think I express myself as clearly as the others). He showed a genuine interest in me, going so far as to half-asking me out – yet I rejected him on the basis that I did not know him that well, now that I do, I strongly regret my decision. Thus when you wrote: “Its appears to be over. He has moved on and so should you” is contradictory – I honestly do not believe he has (I am not desperate – just yesterday some moronic Aussie loser asked me out) – this has been concluded due to small things, whether it was a quick look, a blush, a smile…there is something there. Yet, I strongly believe he is too influenced by his parents to act out again (perhaps he knows this time I will say yes). Plus I do not “stroke his ego” – he has an idea that I am attracted to him, yet I does not know the extent of it. He has no idea how I truly feel for him.To jimshi:Again I am truly impressed by your words. However, I think everyone has misunderstood me. When I first met him, I called him by his wrong name, I considered him to be slightly unfit and unattractive – the only thing that stood out about him was the school that he had attended. Thus as a result, I don’t believe that he get much attention from the opposite sex, regardless of their nationality. However I now see him in a different light – and kick myself for not grabbing the opportunity first time round. About asking him out, while he is know in year twelve, HSC year – there is no time for things like that. Plus, he wants to become a doctor, thus the chance of him boarding elsewhere for the next six to seven years is high…but my question is now, what if the next guy is Asian? (this is a rhetorical question)I must apologize to all out there – especially to you jimshi – I sound arrogant and childish and I am not contributing anything worthwhile – I don’t understand why you Americans bother with me, but don’t get me wrong, I am grateful. It feels good to share the burden with others – especially when those others are intelligent and realistic.
RELAX- Wow. Way to be stereotypical, arrogant, and superficial all at the same time. That takes a lot!To say that all Australians are "just funny speaking Americans that play a dumb sport called Rugby" and that she is "like [your] 17 year old niece" is just plain rude and ignorant. Not to mention you are stereotyping all men as guys who go around "play[ing] games with [girl's] hearts". Maybe you are a jerk like that, but I know most men (men being the operative word) are like that. You are obviously immature, no matter how old you might be, because mature, adult men don't go around insulting younger women and calling them a "school girl". If anyone sounds like a high school student, in my opinion, it would be you.As for what White Girl was talking about..I'd never personally felt like a "gold-standard" until I traveled outside to Mexico. Even when I'd been to European countries like Italy, Germany, and others, I never really felt like people thought I was better than everyone else. I got some stares, but nothing too out of the ordinary. When I went to Mexico on the otherhand, I was called "pretty lady" and "nice girl" and those sorts of things from vendors and people in general. It was really uncomfortable, because I was constantly offered favors and lower prices and I felt really awful about it. I've yet to be to an Asian country (but I'm going to Japan this summer!) and I know that I will stand out, but I'm hoping it won't be like that. I suppose that white women really are the "gold-standard" to some people, but I'd rather be viewed as just a person, not necessarily by race, you know? In America, I don't really see many people who belong to minority races dating white women only because they are white, but I'm sure it's happening out there a lot more than I realize. But I completely agree that I personally don't want to be seen as some kind of "trophy".
Aussie Girl, keiriruisu: I was also the anonymous person. Dont take the Rugby joke so seriously. When I visited Australia on a buisness trip they made fun of my accent and American Football for days. I really never heard the end of it. As you Aussies say,"No Worries Mate" it was all in good fun. Also, im not going to try to understand this realationship you are going through, so ill just say this. If its meant to be then it will happen, if not then it will fail. You two will either hit, or miss, good luck. keiriruisu, I left Japan about a month ago, My best friend and Co-Worker is Japanese. I had a great time. I luv Japan, I want to move there. Try to decipher this. ANATA WA ITSU NIHON NI KIMASUKA. What month? A little Japanese before you go.One of my CO-Worker is a Peruvian female. She is probably the most beautiful woman ive ever seen. When we were in Japan recently many rich Japanese buisness men adored her, bought all our drinks because they wanted to get close to her. So to Han And White Girl, beauty is just beauty. If my Co-Worker is going to get me free drinks then she is more than welcommed to come with me on every outting.
Rick, When I talk of interacting with other people, I do mean in a romantic way, since this whole thread is about romance. Or at least how to get some dates.I'm not saying it's a bad idea to look for a partner of your own ethnicity to date. Of course you should -- there are a lot of things that just feel right when you're with someone from the same culture. You just don't have to explain a lot of shit.And I understand how it can be a political choice for some people, to say, as a minority, "I'm not going to date any white people." However, to say that you're only going to date just one ethnicity and not even look at anyone else, how is that a solution? You're completely ignoring the whole social fabric of this country and discounting the experiences of many Asian Americans. And sometimes, depending on where someone may be, there just aren't a whole lot of us around.And as a questioner says, you might miss out on someone great because ultimately it comes down to personality, not ethnicity, don't you think?
Aussie Girl, keiriruisu: I was also the anonymous person. Dont take the Rugby joke so seriously. When I visited Australia on a buisness trip they made fun of my accent and American Football for days. I really never heard the end of it. As you Aussies say,"No Worries Mate" it was all in good fun. Also, im not going to try to understand this realationship you are going through, so ill just say this. If its meant to be then it will happen, if not then it will fail. You two will either hit, or miss, good luck. keiriruisu, I left Japan about a month ago, My best friend and Co-Worker is Japanese. I had a great time. I luv Japan, I want to move there. Try to decipher this. ANATA WA ITSU NIHON NI KIMASUKA. What month? A little Japanese before you go.One of my CO-Worker is a Peruvian female. She is probably the most beautiful woman ive ever seen. When we were in Japan recently many rich Japanese buisness men adored her, bought all our drinks because they wanted to get close to her. So to Han And White Girl, beauty is just beauty. If my Co-Worker is going to get me free drinks then she is more than welcommed to come with me on every outting.
To Anonymous/Relax:I am over the rugby joke (I guess it hit close to home because I play at state level) – Aussies love impersonating and teasing the American accent – to us, it is hilarious, we found Americans entertaining and absolutely adore their accents – here in Australia WE LOVE OUR FOOTBALL – we love wearing our footy colours as we parade the streets and cheer for our teams…so be careful what you say. As for ‘no worries mate’ – I could not have summed it up better myself! I am not asking you to understand my relationship (if that is the right word) I am merely interested in the reasons why Asian men are reluctant to accept white women. I agree with your advice, if it is meant to be it will happen (I keep you posted if I ever have enough courage to ask him out).Cheers.
Hey,I am an Dark Asian guy and i want to know. Why don't white chicks like asian guys who may be dark or white?Why don't they talk with Asian guys like me? I tried having a conversation, but this white chick look like she have her own culture not to get involve with asian people certainly not talking with asian people like me.I m built, with muscular body, i don't see why this is an issue.Please email me with a responseMy email address:rmadrid8787 [at] yahoo.com.ausincerelyDr Choco
I guess you will have to ask those Asian Men that date White Women? Me and my friends prefer our Asian Women. Im Half Asian, but I prefer Asian Women. So I cant help you there. Americans Love football,I personally prefer Basball and Basketball, So imagining me bitting my tongue the whole time I was there. Well ofciurse, all english speaking countries adore us, Americans are cool. I guess if you want to find out ask him, get on with it. All he can say is either "no", or "yes". If its yes great, "no" then move on. Good Luck, or Cheers.
To RELAX:Out of curiousity...what is your other half?Does that mean you will never consider a white women??PS I am sending this at tenish at night - thus it is NOT early in the morning as it may seem to you Americans
Yes, i find the whining on most of these websites really sad and pathetic. Part of the problem is Asian girls, no matter what anyone says, have bought into the white male status hype. The other thing is that Asian men havent made themselves "sticky" enough. Alot of Asian guys just don't have any pride. You see alot of other men in other cultures try and out Alpha male each other, Asian guys dont even try. They just try to fit in.Me, I'm competitive by nature so I do alot of things for fun, as hobbies and my job, that some people would consider risky or just unique. Call it the quest to compete, out do, out alpha. But honestly i dont even need to try and pick up women, i just find that girls are attracted to that.So maybe when you distill it down its not ethnicity, although I'm not an ugly guy. If i was just a normal non-fun loving, snarky, witty guy with lots of fund stories to share, no one would give two shits what i did for a living or what my hobbies were. Its the entire package, ethnicity is just part of the equation. Dont give in to the "self-fulfilling prophecy". Have a little pride...shieet.
Im a black dude. Just act black, theyll love you
Aussie Girl;nihon jin desuka, My other half is not Caucasion if thats what you want to know. White Girls are OK, I guess. Im not necessarily looking at the color of ones race. If its beauty I think Asian women are the best,Along with Hispanic Women. Trying to date a White girl is not high on my list. Ill consider dating anyone if they are right for me.
So Phil,how's 'the project' going? Of course, the unexamined life is not worth living. But don't get analysis paralysis either!Remember try dining Ethiopian! Great food and you can eat with your hands! Very healthy too!(I'm talking about food here!!!)
To RELAX:Do u ever sleep! I mean you call urself 'RELAX" perhaps u should take ur own advice.
To Aussie girl: Yea ive been gone alot. Hit all parts of the world. I think Asian guys should just be themselves. If you like to play games then play games. Some races are just naturals at socializing and some are not. Everyone wants to be cool. Who are the coolest people in America? white people imitate black people, Asian people imtate the white people that imitate the black people, so do the Mexicans and such. everyone be yourselves reguardless of how lame you are.
Sorry - I have been deprieved of my sleep - the above message was from me...it looks as though u are telling urself to relax hehehe
heya RELAX:"Some races are just naturals at socialising and some are not" - perhaps this is more a stereotype statement than factual. There was a previous blog where an Asian shared a recount where he was criticised for being "loud" - apparently it looked "weird" for an Asian to be soo open. Thus it is definitely a sterotypical suggestion that some races are more out-spoken than others. However, having said that, I totally agree with you that "everyone [should] be themeselves regardless of how lame you are" - that bluntless towards the end is soo typical of you!Anyways prior to my attraction to an Asian I never realised how much of a problem this social-barrier is - I use to automatically exclude Asians as "non-datable" material and just considered them as brains that could assist me when I needed help with Mathematics or my Sciences...BUT there is soo much more to "Asians" than that!! And if white girls can't overcome that, it is tough luck to them.
Aussie girl:nihon jin desuka means i'm japanese. haha even tho you prob already figured it out. this comment may sound outdated but i just wanted to say : "relax" obviously has forgotten how it is to have a crush...sure you could get over it but it's not going to happen like *that*.
I am a chinese girl and I am dating an indian guy. I never hear about asians and indians, although indian is technically asian. Does society look down on this? Do I even need to be concerned with what others think?
wait..if there's a ka then is this person questioning whether he's japanese?
well Tami, one reason you might never (or rarely) hear about your type of pairing is becasue it is rare. Or so the posts on the subject would indicate. But I don't know, I don't take polls or surveys on the matter.More importantly, do you like/love your 'significant other'? does the idea of people looking 'down' on your relationship trouble you? by the converse, does the idea that people might look 'up' to you because of a different relationship appeal to you? What 'society' are you looking to for validation? White people? Chinese people? Indian people? Short people? (maybe it would be easier to get them to look up!)And what does 'technically asian' mean?? Is there some litmus test? Some standard unit of measure for 'asian-ness'? Help me out here.
SI.cGood Observation, typo. wrote to fast. Still learning Japanese. That is a kindergarten typo.
Aussie Girl;Keep in mind, I live in America. Its a whole different story from Australia. Two different worlds babe
Fucking Americans are crazy! There are just too many stupid issues like this! People are people.
Relax- 6月 に 日本 を 行きます. 日本語 を 話します. だから, 私 を 手だいます. でも, ありがとう ございました. ^^ I don't know all that much, but I think I'll manage. I'm going with a bunch of fluent people as well, so it wont be too bad.Anyway.. maybe we should get back to the real subject of why white women for the most part don't seem to like asian men and the like. We've sort of gotten off of the subject.
I understand that we come from different countries - but I would not say "a whole different story from Australia" - perhaps that was a bit on the dramatic side? Australia is also a country where the "white population" are considered the top at the social hierarchy. Thus I see the racial discrimination on a daily basis - though now I am more aware of it.
Australia and America is totally different. Im American and ive been to Australia. We have similarities with you guys, but not that much. Asian are Aussie largest Minority group. In America Black Ammericans and Hispanics are the largest. There are 11 millon Asian Americans, but only accounts for 5 percent of the American population. Not counting all the other Minorities we have here. I ahte to say it, but some stereotypes are accurate

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