It's My Way or the Feng Shui

How to bring enlightenment to your computer desktop.

May 1, 2008

YOUR COMPUTER DESKTOP looks like Microsoft documents had a population explosion on your screen. Here are a few feng shui tips to get started on the path to electronic-organized enlightenment.

What you need:

  • An icon-riddled mess of a computer desktop
  • The ability to count
  • A lucky cricket (optional)

The first step is to break down your computer desktop space into nine squares, or a bagua. The outer eight squares represent pieces of your life that are held together by the center square. Placement of certain objects within these areas will affect that corresponding part of your life.


The economy has fallen and it's yet to be seen if it can get back up. This would be an ideal place for that stock ticker widget you maniacally check throughout the day. And since you shouldn't actually place your piggy bank on your screen, a JPEG of your bank's logo will do.


Not living up to the impossible ideals set by your over-achieving cousin who got her PhD in astrophysics and deloused orphans in Somalia? Find comfort with a picture of your imprisoned cousin Ray here. At least you're still better than him.


You slipped up and used "you're" instead of "your." You definitely need a mental boost. Keep those Kindle files in this corner. You many never read War and Peace, but the fact you paid $23.95 to download it still makes you smarter than your roommate who only reads US Weekly.


Feeling a little invisible? Then you need to flare this area. Get into Photoshop and make a pretty collage of sun shapes, sunflowers and crystals. You may feel like a pre-teen girl going through her Lisa Frank phase, but your ego will thank you later.


Like peanut butter, it holds the sandwich of your life together. Also like peanut butter, this area should be smooth and calming. Stick your iTunes here and play some soothing music like Yani. Or Barry Manilow.


You're stuck in a boring job where your only goal is to visit every website on the Internet. Before you accept a life sentence of financial analyst for a urinal cake supply company, try putting your virtual aquarium in this area. The water element will guide you toward a new career.


So the bus hottie you keep making come-hither eyes to is just not reciprocating. Copy and paste documents in sets of two here. Highlight them pink. This will get bus hottie returning those loving looks in no time, and not looking at you like the weird stalking freak you are.


Not getting out much? If you've been working too hard on the Halo circuit, put some pictures of friends and useless widgets there. Like the one that talks in weird voices that you use to call and freak out those pictured friends.


It's been one of those days: the Train is late and you put on two different shoes. Putting things right in this area will put you back on track. Also, place a picture of someone you admire here. Oprah? Joan of Arc? The "Where's the Beef" lady? Stick her here.

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