Annette Lee

Resistance Is Futile

How to use a Chinese finger trap in multiple survival situations.

• Chinese Finger Trap, natch
• A Situation

The Chinese finger trap dates back to the early 6th century BC when Lao Tzu, under attack by alien rebels, used the device to confuse and subdue these outer-worldly invaders.* While some scholars doubt this history of the Chinese finger trap, one fact remains true: It is as useful today as it was then in getting one out of sticky situations.

Rocking Rachmaninoff ... or Else

How to be your own Tiger Mom.

Were you raised “Western” style by your uncaring, unloving parents? Were you forced to attend school dances AND sleepovers? Did you suffer through the humiliation of getting A’s in gym and drama? If so, it’s not too late to reclaim the superior upbringing your parents denied you. Following the easy steps below, you can start your recovery and become your very own Tiger Mom.


Making Better Memories

How to throw a grownup prom.

Did your parents forbid you to go the Spring Fling because the ACTs, the SAT fallback, were the next day? Did your actual prom experience leave you wanting something ... different? Never fear. With this handy guide, you can plan the Senior Ball/Junior Prom/Sock Hop you never had — with the added bonus in that you can now legally spike the punch.

Crêpe paper
Evite/Facebook event post
Sound system and Pandora
Thrift store tux or dress (ruffles optional)
100 of your closest friends/neighbors


How to defy cultural stereotypes to be the worst Asian. Ever.

Writer Annette Lee  Illustrator Joseph To

YOU’VE NEVER REALLY FIT IN with the family. Your talents and values tend to veer off the path set forth by your sainted ancestors Yo-Yo Ma and spelling bee champ Kavya Shivashankar. You’ve failed at excellence. You’ve failed your parents. But it’s not too late. You can still excel at being … the Worst Asian. 


• Your mind

• 10 fingers

My Mother, My Father, My Roommates

How to move back in with your parents.

DUE TO THE RECESSION and an untimely breakup, you've been left homeless and penniless. Couch surfing at friends' places has worn (them) thin, and although sleeping in your car is cozy, the showering in public restrooms part smacks of that unsavory spring break in Tijuana. It's time to use your last option: Move in with Mom and Dad.


* No decent job

* Scant funds

* Parents with a home

Ponzi Scam? More Like Ponzu Scam

How to avoid getting grifted by Asian American con artists.

DESPERATE TIMES create desperate people. Some people get a job at The Java Hut on the weekends. Others start brown bagging lunches. But some - the crafty - start gritting. With the capture of "Hipster Grifter" Kari Ferrell and conviction of Norman Hsu of misappropriating Democratic party campaign funds, some of the most notorious Asian con artists have been caught. But you are still at risk. Here are some tips to avoid being the next victim of a con artist:


* Google

* A healthy suspicion

* New locks

Glutton for a Championship

Fill your appetite with these tips on how to become a top competitive eater.

TIMES ARE ROUGH with foreclosures, a banking crisis and impending financial apocalypse hovering over us. Are you among those suddenly strapped for cash? No more pocket change for your weekly lunches at Morton's? Is your hybrid Lexus staying in the garage because you can't even afford to fill up enough to get the car going in electric mode? Then perhaps competitive eating can be for you! With grand prizes of up to $350,000 and more than 125 foods to quickly gorge upon, this can be your ticket to avoid complete financial ruin.

What You Need

Gym membership

Hollywood's Calling

How to make your own movie-esque road trip.

OMFG. You've run out of viral videos to send to all your more occupied friends. Your boss has saddled you with everyone else's work. You forgot to put in your vacation request and you're stuck. Weary of sitting around, you realize: It's time for that life-changing, movie-esque road trip.


A ride

A buddy or group of buddies

A villain

A goal


Celebrity cameo

All of the Fun and None of the Work

How to pose as a student at a top tier college.

IT'S HARD getting into college nowadays. Population booms, impacted campuses, pressuring parents, that overachieving girl who fed you the wrong answers on the honors Spanish final-all make for an applications headache. Well, why not pop a college aspirin and avoid all the pain and agony? Taking a page from recent fake student celebrity, Azia Kim, all you need to do is learn how to pose as a student at a top ranked college. Below are a few tips to get you started.


* The ability to lie and lie well

* Good running shoes

* An ambiguous face