TIMES ARE ROUGH with foreclosures, a banking crisis and impending financial apocalypse hovering over us. Are you among those suddenly strapped for cash? No more pocket change for your weekly lunches at Morton's? Is your hybrid Lexus staying in the garage because you can't even afford to fill up enough to get the car going in electric mode? Then perhaps competitive eating can be for you! With grand prizes of up to $350,000 and more than 125 foods to quickly gorge upon, this can be your ticket to avoid complete financial ruin.

What You Need

Gym membership

Costco membership

70 packages of ramen (one week supply)

Listing of local all-you-can-eat restaurants

Stretchy pants

An absence of gag reflex

Alka-Seltzer

The Only Bulk You Need Is Costco Packs of Maruchan

Korean American Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas weighs in at a svelte 105 pounds, yet is ranked in the top 10 list of the International Federation of Competitive Eating. She earned the moniker "Black Widow" for her ability to blow her male competitors out of the water and is the top woman in competitive eating.

Expand Your Stomach and Your Blood Pressure

Thomas limits herself to one large meal a day filled with vegetables and fruit, and she shuns junk food. However, Japanese champion Takeru Kobayashi of Nathan's Hot Dog eating fame has been known to scarf up to 10 packages of ramen as a starter course to gradually expand his stomach. But why stop there? Every day, just add a can of Spam and a carton of eggs. Cholesterol be damned - you're in it to win it!

Run to Prevent the Runs

Despite this seeming indulgence, many champion eaters are not averse to hitting the treadmill. Rising star Juris Shibayama was a former body builder before his surprising second place finish in the Krystal World Hamburger Eating Championships. Thomas and Kobayashi also regularly do extensive cardio and weight workouts. But why not use your time efficiently? Get on that treadmill with a few bowls of cranberry sauce. With this combination interval training you may just be able to break Juliet Lee's record of eating 13.23 pounds of cranberry sauce in eight minutes!

Becoming a champion competitive eater is definitely more than one round at the buffet but if all this hasn't already made you barf, then you're already part way there!