Breaking News: Beating Yer Girlfriend Still Not Okay!

February 16, 2009

Well you can start by watching this week's Ill Doctrine vid (above), which will correlate for you the prevalence of excuses for abusers and the fact that the number one cause of death for African American women aged 15 to 45 is intimate partner violence. You do the math. (Look in Ill Doc's comment thread for a dispute as to cause of death stats.)

And it's not only happening in the African American community. According to the Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence, a compilation of community-based studies found that 41 to 60 percent of Asian American respondents have experienced domestic violence. Local studies in California and Massachusetts found that Asian women were overrepresented among domestic violence deaths. You can see further breakdowns of the individual studies here. And here are general statistics on domestic violence in the US.

Domestic violence in communities of color often goes unreported, although possibly for different reasons in different communities. Asian American women often have language and cultural barriers to reporting abuse, fear of deportation, and, of course, that ol' standby: they don't know that they can get help. One reason that is probably shared between African American and Asian American women is not believing that they'll get support or help if they ask for it ... and too often, they're right about that. So the underreporting undermines the perception of how prevalent domestic violence is, even though the existing numbers are damning enough.

Another perception problem regarding communities of color is the idea that domestic violence is somehow encoded into their cultures and one can do nothing about it. This is racism hiding under a free-to-be-you-and-me multicultural ethos. If women in your country, in your city, are being hurt by members of their own families, it's your problem, even if they're from a different ethnicity than you.

And, many think there are reasons that excuse violence between intimate partners or within families. "She made him angry," "She should have known that he had a bad temper," or even "She hit him first," or (as in some Rihanna/Brown rumors) "She gave him an STD." No violence by anyone against anyone is excusable, and if a woman hits her boyfriend, he has the right to press assault charges against her or call the police. And he should probably dump her ass. What he doesn't have the right to do is hit her back.

This is a problem both within and outside of communities of color. Nothing excuses violence, and all women are endangered by the perception that they are culpable for the violence committed upon them. If a man has more power in their society, and more power in their relationship, then he has the power to walk away from whatever it is that she might be doing to him. No, the violence is just an expression of his power over her, often in a situation when she is trying to empower herself.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please get help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE. The hotline operates in English and Spanish and has access to interpreter services in 170 languages. This service is for male survivors as well.

If you're looking for culturally specific help, you can download a PDF directory of resources for Asian Americans here. And Ill Doc has further resources here for African Americans, Latin@s, and other people of color.




Chris- is a woman beater, no man should ever hit a woman, even if you are a top singer, and a successful celebrity. I personally dont believe a word he says; he has probably beat her before, and this time she has had enough, i also dont believe its from his child hood either, its made up excuses from the reality of everyone else who has or had been abused in the past; I believe if you treat your mom like gold, you should treat your woman like gold-- who would want to beat up the woman who gave you life and the talent who had made you famous?I will NOT be buying or listening to Chris Brown records anymore, being a fool and being a womanizer is not what i want to be buying to make his sales go up.I also think he should be sent to jail- see how he likes to be beaten up.
Domestic abuse is a vicious cycle there is tension rising, abuse, honeymoon period- where he says sorry You forgive him b/c he buys a gift and gives empty promises, he may promise to get help but never does- and it comes full circle and You go back to, tension rising:(.! Many women have been taught that this is love. It is NOT!!! At some point You have to break the cycle or You will continue living in Your own HELL and could be permanently maimed or even killed. I tends to get worse in many cases when children are brought into an abusive relationship and women as the abused then pass it on to their children that this is love- boys to abuse and girls to accept, expect and even need abuse to feel their version of love. This cycle feeds into the other cycle thus passing it on from generation to generation etc. I was able, when pregnant to run from my abuser and vowed to never let my daughter experience the heartache. I found a man who is not abusive to either of us but continue to struggle with the lack of false passion that accompanies abuse( for instance, when hit physically or verbally it seems like a passionate response and the apology phase seems like the ultimate form of passion, If he did not care so much he would not get so bent out of shape. When the honeymoon period starts over again after an explosion the sex and passion there seems to validate his "LOVE." These pretenses are false however. I beg all victims to break this cycle for Yourself and Your children. There are safe-houses close to You that will help, and women all over the world who have broken the cycle and You can to!!! I am willing to share my personal story if You look me up on facebook or e-mail me. My family on my mother's and father's sides are abusers and victims. I was the first one in generations to break the chain of violence and You, anyone caught in the cycle, can too!!!
Not sure if it's purpose, but knowing how classy these radio stations are in the bay, it was probably intended. But I've been hearing a lot of chris brown on the radio, sometimes back to back with rihanna. I wish kmel and kyld would follow other radio stations and not play these stupid chris brown love ballards cause it's insulting to everyone with two eyes and common sense.