"Zombie Strippers," starring porn queen Jenna Jameson and horror icon Robert Englund (a k a Freddy Krueger) opened this weekend in a limited platform release.

At Rhinos, a strip club in BF, Idaho -- Sartre, Nebraska, to be exact -- run by proprietor Ian Essko (Robert Englund), the horny clientele can only get in with a membership card. That's because George W. Bush, now in his fourth term, has banned public nudity, turning stripping into a speakeasy tea. The star pole-vaulter, Kat (Jenna Jameson), dominates the show. When a commando-turned-zombie seeks refuge in the club following a botched zombie extermination attempt at a nearby government laboratory, who does he want to munch down on? Kat, of course, but straddling life and death as a zombie oddly makes her better at her job. The guys are going bananas! Soon all the girls want in, and what follows is a zombie situation out of control.

Fascinated by the film's supposed political dimension, as well as the "Existential Philosophy Primer 101" that I received in the press packet (who does that?) which outlines its relationship to Eugene Ionesco's absurdist play "The Rhinoceros," I had to find out just what the hell was up with this highbrow-lowbrow stew of grindhouse-meets-French-intellectual-nutball. Just before the Saturday night screenings in San Francisco, I caught up with director, writer and cinematographer Jay Lee at an Italian restaurant around the corner from the theater.

(Photo: ABC)

Though we're a couple months into Season 4 of Lost, I just had to say that I'm really enjoying watching Ken Leung on the telly -- or rather, my laptop.

He charmed me in last year's rotoscoped, admittedly saccharine, fairy tale feature Year of the Fish (but now I am thoroughly sick of people talking to goldfish in films), and when I saw him standing across the way at last year's SFIAAFF I wanted to run up to him and jump into his arms and ask him to rescue me.

Miles Straume, his swarthy Lost character, is the most fascinating of the new batch and arguably of the entire show. Not only is Miles a daredevil jerk with a temper, but he's a fricking medium. He talks to dead people! I totally dug the scene in Episode 2 where he's channeling the dead druggie kid and the room starts to get all crazy.

Also in my notes: Not so cool on TV -- Kal Penn in House.

Through the years I've been trying to perfect my comeback. You know, when you're walking down the street, minding your own goddamn business, and some asshole decides to add some heinous, unsolicited commentary to the soundtrack of your life. And then you have a few precious moments of reaction to turn the table of power, to slip your razor-sharp verbal wit and make the offender realize their own fundamental asshole-ness.

Sometimes, when I dislike a thing without basis — say, a film that I haven't watched but feel compelled to dis freely — I'll come to my senses and realize that in order to dis something constructively, I have to have experienced it. So I'll sit down and watch movies that I think are going to be a total waste of time, just so that I can dis it better.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I went into the partly-Asian American owned eyewear store in San Francisco, HyperOptics Optometry. Now that I have insurance, it seems like a good idea to plunk some change on eyeglasses. I've been wearing contacts for the last several years, mostly because I love the idea of actually having peripheral vision, but also because my glasses are crooked. I had hit a zombie square on the head in a haunted house soon after I got them, and lo and behold, it was a real person who smacked me back. HARD. (Sorry zombie, but your head was covered in newspaper.) They flew off and were henceforth irretrievable from the land of crookedness.

I had thought that since the store was partly-Asian American owned (or wholly? I'm not sure), they would have frames that would fit my face. My wide, round, bridgeless face. I'm tired of glasses that fall off when I tilt my head down to read a book. I'm tired of them sailing into the distance when I do quick turns in a dance class. I want the lenses to be in front of my eyeballs, not the top of the frame.

Apparently, the store will install nose pads onto frames that don't have them, but they might look weird with plastic frames, which already have a nose landing area. I was really digging on some clear plastic ones, which have that retro-future appeal. Not to mention the quasi-invisibility, comparable to clear orthodontic braces. I started looking around on the web, but realized that I could take advantage of your expertise. So if you have any advice, please share. Also, if you're in any sort of position to start a frame company catering to Asian Americans, you might make a mint.

Too obsessed with Sen. Craig's misbehavin' and the sordid details of airport bathroom sting operations, I entirely missed the news on the release of the Virginia Tech Report. Apparently the University and the state mental health system were roundly criticized. The Roanoke Times generously provides pdfs of the entire report.

As someone who works in university administration, I sort of, well, sympathize. As much as we can prepare for an emergency, when they really hit is a different story--especially the worse case scenario-type emergencies, the ones you've never experienced in your lifetime. Universities are sort of like a continual, bureaucratically-slow birthing of a several thousands-headed beer-guzzling monster. How do you wrangle it when hell breaks loose?

I haven't read the report fully yet, and I'm sure human errors abounded that day. My roommate the conspiracy theorist, of course, thinks they weren't errors at all. I think that must be because he hasn't worked at a university, and doesn't know how much it takes to plan anything.

And though I despise the labyrinthine mental health system we have in place (having dealt with it via my mother), I also know that social workers and other public mental health professionals have a fricking hard job in a seriously underfunded and legally complicated sector. I hope that as a result of all this we see MORE FUNDING.

Tie a Yellow Ribbon director Joy Dietrich. Photo by Seng Chen.

Joy Dietrich's film Tie a Yellow Ribbon will screen at AAIFF tonight at 9:15pm, and from what I understand, it's very close to selling out the theater. Also, there will be an afterparty a short walk away from the Asia Society at Stir with Dietrich, the actors, crew and producers.

I had spoken with Dietrich just hours before it's premiere in San Francisco. (My earlier post, with a synopsis, here.)

Guest blogger Carmina Ocampo
--

Immigration reform has forever been one of those make or break issues for Asian Americans. To put things way too simply, the Chinese Exclusion Acts of 1882 told Chinese people to stay the heck away while the 1965 Immigration and Nationality Act let everyone and their Asian mothers in. Given how fundamental immigration reform has been in constructing the varied racial/ethnic/sexual identities of Asian Americans, it's no understatement to say that the outcome of the immigration reform bill currently being debated by the Senate really matters.

It matters who stands to benefit from immigration reform. You'd think immigrants would benefit the most from immigration reform but that might not be the case. Unfortunately, the interests of big business and concern for furthering American global domination have wielded too much influence over the current immigration bill so far. Corporations are divided over what immigrants they prefer. Some corporations have advocated for reform that will yield highly skilled professionals while other corporations want greater access to lower skilled workers.

Contestant Luke Patterson will represent Great Leap at Mr. Hyphen 2007. Founded by Nobuko Miyamoto, Great Leap is a multicultural performing arts organization rooted in the Asian American community that promotes cross-cultural exchange through the creative and collaborative process of performances, workshops and community residences.

About Luke:

Rapper. Graffiti artist. Non-profit office hooligan. Mentor. Luke Patterson is many things to many people. He's an MC for the L.A.-based hip-hop group Aesthetics Crew. He's an organizer against police brutality. He's a role model to youths who need it the most, through his work at the APA Youth Resolution Center. Most importantly though, Luke wants to bring together the multi-cultural communities and he'll even tame a lion while riding a unicycle blindfolded to do so. With a multi-talent like this it shouldn't take much to make that great leap to Mr. Hyphen infamy!

I would hope to do a lot of work in building bridges between the Asian & Asian American communities with other communities of color. Through my work I have seen that there is still a lot of ignorance, stereotypes and mis- or non-communication between our community and other Black and Brown people. I would like to do a lot of work breaking down stereotypes and pre-conceived notions of who “Asians” are, what we can be beyond the model minority ideas, and how strong we can be politically and community organizing-wise. I think that if our communities are all united on a deeper level of understanding and respect, not just on the surface of acceptance of each other, then we can make real progressive change for all of us together.

--
Mr. Hyphen 2007 will take place on Saturday, June 9
at the Oakland Asian Cultural Center.
Buy tickets here.

Mr. Hyphen 2007 contestant Jason Woo will represent the California Dragon Boat Association, which provides education and instruction to the general public on dragon boating; enhances bonding and interaction among different ethnic and cultural groups locally, nationally and internationally; and provides youth programs centered on paddling activities and leadership.

About Jason:

At the age of 20, I was blessed with the opportunity to join the San Francisco Fire Department. Being exposed to the real world so early in life, I felt that I had to mature quickly. Life is short, enjoy it. I never waste a second in my life.

Jason Woo can probably kick your ass. An avid snowboarder, cyclist, swimmer and any-form-of-physical-activity enthusiast, Jason was the recipient of the Firefighter of the Year award in 2004 for rescuing people whose boat had capsized off of Ocean Beach. And if that isn't enough, he's mentored youth in Daly City, CA through Asian American Recovery Services and is a member of the Asian Fire Association. However, it is his work with the Dragon Boat Association that has led him to forge cultural understanding using paddling sports, turned him into a high school Dragon Boat coach and ultimately, a competitor at the World Championships of Dragon Boating. Not that he'll use his incredible powers against if you if you don't, but giving Jason a hearty "Woo!" when hits the stage couldn't hurt.

--
Mr. Hyphen 2007 will take place on Saturday, June 9
at the Oakland Asian Cultural Center.
Buy tickets here.

Contestant Jeffrey Sichaleune will represent the Midwest Asian American Students Union at Mr. Hyphen 2007. As a coalition of Asian American student groups, MAASU fosters political unity in the Midwest. It promotes leadership, encourages APIA students to work toward social change, and assists schools with the establishment of APIA student organizations and programs.

About Jeffrey:

Personality-wise, I am like a durian--so weird, but so good.

The Washington-born librarian is no stranger to the pageant circuit. A runner-up in the Mr. Asian University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign pageant, Jeffrey has taken an incredibly active role in the Asian American community from his days at the Midwest Asian American Students Union and helping develop the UIUC Asian American Cultural Center in 2005, to his involvement with the Asian/Pacific American Librarians Association today. Discovering early in his academic life that engineering wasn't the path for him, Jeffrey eventually went on to earn a master's degree in Library and Information Science. His tenacity and intelligence sure puts the Dewey in our decimal!

I choose all of my activities with deliberate intention and hope to inspire and motivate others ... I would like to continue working with college students and mentor the next generation of conscious Asian American activists. Anecdotal evidence states that college is the best time of a person's life. Research points out that many people develop their Asian American identity in college, so the intersection of these statements can imply that college students are the foundation of the Asian American community. They are going to be our future leaders that serve interdisciplinary interests and are united by their common Asian American identity. ... As a self-identified Southeast Asian, I also think it is important to work with underrepresented Asian American groups to highlight the diversity of Asian Americans.

--
Mr. Hyphen 2007 will take place on Saturday, June 9
at the Oakland Asian Cultural Center.
Buy tickets here.

Just in case you didn't catch the May email newsletter, the following Asian American men will battle it down on stage for the chance to win the Mr. Hyphen crown and a prize donation to their chosen nonprofit:

Tingwei Lin, East Bay Asian Local Development Corporation
Luke Patterson, Great Leap
Anthem Salgado, Babae
Jeffrey Sichaleune, Midwest Asian American Students Union
Jason Woo, California Dragonboat Association
Billy Yeh, My Sister's House

Saturday, June 9
7 - 10pm
Oakland Asian Cultural Center

Stay tuned for more on the contestants' finer points [ahem]...

Andrew Lam at New American Media articulates what might have crossed your mind when you found out that the Virginia Tech shooter was Asian in Let It Be Some Other 'Asian.

Media Matters for America discusses right-winger Debbie Schuessel's blog entry mentioned in Lam's article, where she assumed that the shooter was "Paki."

Speculations also targeted a Chinese American student as discussed on Tripmaster Monkey.

And, of course, said Asians fear a backlash. Korean American parents are picking up their kids from school and taking them home.

Others have been quick to mention that another South Korean student was shot, as well as an Indian professor.

The Asian American Journalists Association is calling for the media to "avoid using racial identifiers unless there is a compelling or germane reason. ... The effect of mentioning race can be powerfully harmful."

Cho Seung-Hui is repeatedly described as "thorough" in this New York Times article. Do the adjectives used to describe him have a basis in perceptions of ethnicity? As in the idea that Asians are efficient? I'd have to do more research, but it seems like an interesting line to pursue.

Isn't it funny how when there's a white mass murderer, white people aren't afraid of this same sort of ethnically-related backlash?

This year's SFIAAFF features two creepshows set in the Philippines: Ang Pamana and Blackout. A fellow Hyphen staffer who had lived in the Philippines assured me one day via chat that, second to romances, horror films are plenty. "A LOT," he typed out.

I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats...
Buy a ticket to see this one!

Year of the Fish is a sweet, sweet contemporary fairy tale adaptation set smack dab in New York City's Chinatown.
I'll update this post with a full detailing of my thoughts soon.

Sprawlingly ambitious, Joy Dietrich's feature film directorial debut Tie a Yellow Ribbon touches upon just about every young Asian American women's identity issue there is, the sum of it being that it pretty much sucks to be one.

In the comments on the Asian Week debacle, a commenter named Franky notes:

I read your post about Latinos calling you chinito. Just for the record that just means Chinese. When you put -ito on the end it usually is an affectionate term. I don't think you should regard that as racist the way blacks making fun of your eyes is.

I was about to leave a comment in response, but thought it better to address my thoughts on 'chinito/a' separately. I spent seven years of my growing-up in Central America, as the hapa daughter of foreign service officer, with a Salvadorean stepmother and extended family. 'Chinita' became the bane of my existence.

We're gearing up for our Summer issue, The Transit Issue, and we want to see what you've got, Asian America. Riding the bus crosstown can turn into an out-an-out adventure, and we know you have a tale to tell. Send us your well-crafted anecdotes and insights into that human condition we call public transportation.

For our purposes we're not counting taxis and airplanes. But we most certainly welcome things that happened on buses, trains and subways, and even at the bus stop, in 400 to 600 words. Send them to editorial[at]hyphenmagazine.com by February 26, 2007.

Have any questions? Leave a comment and I'll get back to you.

Tell me what you see when you read this:

DESI(RED)

Do you see the DESI or the RED first? (Is the cup half empty or half full? Is it a vase or a couple kissing?)